Watching Out There's A Year Ahead

Yet another post where I mention midnight  and/or the minute past minute, as at a minute past midnight tonight we will be saying goodbye to the year that has past us by and a soft hello to the new a one.

I would hope 2013 to be more interesting but after this year’s events I’d prefer a more boring one to be honest. 2012 has seen martyrs made, dictators killed, countries liberated, floods, tsunamis, tropical storms, more floods, hurricane after hurricane, I've made new friends, new lovers, lost lovers, angered friends, excommunicated people, tried my hand at office work, served 500 customers (and disappointed 80% of them), visited Newbury, Barcelona and Spain, turned 20, went to euro-gamer and comic con, watched the Olympics and wrote 27 posts on here.

After all this what do I have to show for it you ask, well to boil down a long list - Disinterest, boredom, happiness, depression, depression, sun burn, Euros, more boredom, laughter, disinterest and several posts on the internet... hmm, so much for boiling down a long list. 

Despite these mild niggling’s 2012 was mostly entertaining, therefore 2013 should be better... well I say that as I've already set up plans for 2013 – yet another list –

-         A number of pub times

-         A tour of Japan

-         A tour of London’s financial district (not    by choice)

-         A trip to Southampton

-         The opening of a new church

-         Comic con 2013

-         Euro gamer 2013

-         Comic con (again, because Y.O.L.O)

-         Office work / paid work

-         Writing a new post every Monday

... And a bunch of other equally fun events, as wide and varied as a donkey penis competition ... actually that sounds like fun, I think I’ll add that to the list of things to do.

As for things not to do (aha great segway right) ... I plan on not being such a hermit next year – which is counter-productive to the next resolution which is to do more video posts, that’ll work out somehow. With my last resolution and written contractual promise via the internet is to do more exercise, instead of being the brain of a jock in a nerd’s body that I am.

But with me running out of decent things worth typing about and my pint getting warm, I wish everyone a happy new year, and good luck with your equally bullshit resolutions.

Twitter: https://twitter.com/Drake_Best 

WAKE UP! IT'S (the slightly late) CHRISTMAS (post) !!

This was meant to be a video post but... That failed, so lets carry on regardless.

Christmas has been and gone and I sincerely hope y'all had a merry one. Drinking lots and entering a meaty coma at the end.

Now I know when Christmas day is - its usually between the dates of December 24th and December 26th, often spanning across a whole 24hrs - I would hope that the rest of you know when this date is.

 Now lets bare in mind that despite Christmas officially starting after midnight on December 25th I will likely be asleep for the first 6/7 hours sleeping off the night before. You also might want to take into account that I suffer from mild insomnia (Which means it takes an arse age for me to get to sleep. if I can at all)

So imagine my disdain at 00:01 on Christmas day when some arse bandit decided to phone me! and inform me of the time and/or the day with - "Yo! DRAKE-IE! IT'S CHRISTMAS MOTHERFUCKA, HAPPY NEW CHRISTMAS MAN, HOPE YOU HAVE a good one!"... For starters sir. You are an Anus. You also woke me up just as I was on the edge of drifting off to the land of nod. then the wave of texts started, merry Christmas, have a good day dude, etc... all within the space of about 5 minutes. Did these people wait for the minutes to tick over till midnight and hit that mass send button. thank you for taking time out of your evening to add me into your mass text, you clearly decided  these people won't be asleep yet, these people will count me further for messaging them in the dead of night. Ill do it on their birthdays as well that will make them feel far better, its not like they have work in the morning, or will thank me as much if I text them during a normal time (normal meaning after 9am ... and not after 10pm smart ass).

Birthdays are the same, its okay if you you wish some well in the morning or if your like me and forget till you at the pub and its in the closing hours of the day, its fine as they are likely to still be awake, but the midnight before. No, please, just no. I like my sleep just as much as I enjoy surviving another year on this planet, but I don't want to be reminded whilst I'm catching those final Z's of my previous year, I am well informed that a minute past is my birthday, but seeing as I was born around 2, y'all are a little early.

The only exception though is new years day, where it is all likelihood that the entire planet is awake at midnight and beyond (Except for squares of cause) so yes message them saying congratulations on surviving another circumference of the sun, but Christmas's  and birthday's kindly wait till the middle of the day guys, I won't think any less of you - in fact I'll think more of you as you have restraint, well done. Gold star.

Oh and we survived the end of the world... So it looks like I'll have to hold off on buying everyone in existence a drink. Get you next time.

https://twitter.com/Drake_Best

The World (Doesnt) End at Midnight

The ticking clock at your desk reads 23:59 and you watch as the final moments draw to an end, each second drips and oozes with the same slow witted pace as rush hour traffic. The moments slow and collide into one another. Breathe held tight as you prepare to embrace the cataclysm. 00:00 your last minute has arrived, 60 seconds to live, do you hug your lover, kiss your pets, or stand middle-fingers raised to great the red sky... 00:01, 00:02... 00:10? What’s this? Were the ancient Myan’s wrong? My God, we’re saved!

 Then some smart arse points out the Myan calendar would end at 11:10 here in the UK due to the time zone differences... oops, damn we only get to have breakfast and maybe some brunch, the Aussies get lunch, dinner, and some supper. Now that’s just not fair... right let’s start again then...

The ticking clock at your desk reads 11:09 and you watch as the final moments draw to an end, you’re bored now though, you were ready for the world to end at midnight, that girl who is now pregnant, because you just had to have unsafe sex didn’t you, and now you’ve got an itch, isn’t that a bugger? Went out with a bang, came back with some souvenirs, what time is it now? Crap! 11:12 I’ve missed the end of the apocalyp... Oh God damn it!

Yup, those gosh darn Myan’s fooled us again, the world won’t end on the 21^st, do you want to know why the Myan calendar ends on the 21^st, because Barry couldn’t be arsed to finish it off that day, I’ll do it tomorrow he said, I’ve already calculated 3000+ years. I’ll do the rest tomorrow, or Wednesday actually, got a date with Cindy from the sacrificing pits, like to stick something in her. What are the odds of me - the only person clever enough to work out these dates die after getting it on with the high priestess who sacrifices people for a day job.

So Friday will pass us by without incident, besides all those annoying tweets and statuses, and I will have a jolly 22^nd, and 23^rd Etc... Etc... Until the day I get booted down to hell and the river sticks, but that will hopefully be a number of decades away.

Unless the world realy does end Friday, and Oh won’t my face be red.

 First round’s on me in hell if I’m wrong too.

Mini-Buggy Bothers

Bastard of Joy

Oh no, not another anti-mother post.

Stop. Move your hand away from that 'close tap' button. As this is a post with a difference, this post focuses on an even smaller menance in the buggy form ...

I am of course refering to the incrediblly irritating ... Toy push chair.

Now once again I'd like to direct the hate slightly away from myself and tell the story of my manager at work, who suggested this menance to me. It's not all me, Honest.

He was on lunch one day during a perticularrily hard days work, and decided to storll towards the local eatery to grab a bite and head back. enjoying the mostly mild weather. When suddenly his world was shattered by a sudden and repeated soaring pain in his heel. A little bastard of joy was ramming its bright pink (EMPTY) Toy pushchair into his heel - Not only was it a toy but the toy baby (similar to the one pictured) was missing! He was being assaulted by an empty pushchair.

With the mother - Oh bugger, back on mothers again - doing nothing, except stop and stare at him as if daring him to 'tri samthin' . of course he could not do anything - even though a lesser man (I.e Me) would have flipped either the child or chair over, but apparently the mother would have taken offense to this. Apparently assualting someone with a toy pushchair is socially acceptable.

Therefore it must be socially acceptable for me to murder someone with a bright pink pushchair, so long as it is empty - after all we wouldnt want to get that plastic baby dirty.

However we can be thankfully that no one has invented a double wide toy pushchair ... I mean that would be a crazy idea right?




OH GOD WHAT HAVE THEY DONE!!



Suggest @: https://twitter.com/Drake_Best

There Is a Vegan Option Norman

Recently (meaning it happened within the same month, or at a point in history) I heard an report that a number of Americans where turning towards vegan-ism (its an ethos right?), something I found hilariously ironic for a country that possibly eats the largest amount of meat in the world - and no that is not an overt dick sucking joke, as after all it is other countries that suck on America's throbbing member.

Another suggested piece by a fellow employee - beep, boop, At the best place to work ever - Speaking of, you should suggest some yourself, and you know what? Do it now, here :https://twitter.com/Drake_Best: No  don't read further, just do it... I can wait...
...
..
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What took you so long? And I was talking to the pretty one, but sigh you'll do...

Now that, that flow breaker is out of the way, we can continue. Last month where I neglected to put any post (because I'm lazy, deal with it), I made a new friend whilst on lunch His name was Norman, and seeing how I was trapped and mid-way through my SUBWAY! I could hardly get up and leave. I liked Norman though as he hated everything as well and after a few discussions on my favourite topics we moved on to vegetarian's (somehow) and then Vegans. Now my colleague at work suggested writing about them last month as did the news report but, Norman reminded me of it and posed a good conversation which although made me late stopped me from getting wet.

Norman tells the story of how one day his friend moved to being a vegetarian - which is fair, I've  a few friends who where/are veggies its there choice and more meat for the rest of us right? - well then the next day Norman's friend turned into a Vegan and under hushed tones "a massive arsehole". As he had switched into a "tree-hugging, hippie" who wouldn't eat with other meat eaters because he didn't want to think of all the animals that had to suffer. Which I guess makes sense, its his prerogative after all, but then this was followed by Norman's friend not eating anything which came into contact with meat, he wouldn't use glue and wear anything which was made from any form of animal products! He had become, A Vegan.

What!! But it's cold and woollen jumpers are warm! That makes limited sense to me: being a red-blooded, meat eating manly man of course, but I can understand veggies. After all there are some who eat fish, some who can eat some chicken etc... etc... and for the most part they aren't dicks about it they are aware that you may not be a veggie but won't make a big thing about it. think of it this way, if you were having a dinner party and you knew you had veggies coming well you'd make a veggie menu, I've no idea of the specifics but I know salad and veggies are an option. Boom! here is your salad whilst I eat my cheese burger. This is easy and talking about being a veggie is a stimulating conversation especially if they were a fellow meat eater and decided to change. its interesting - mostly.

However much like my run in with the bible basher, I dislike vegans who seem to want to convert other people to their side of things, back to the dinner party analogy a paragraph ago. If a veggie had a dinner party and they had meat eaters over, they would offer some meat, granted it wouldn't be a full English or Sunday dinner but a degree of meat to be had. Vegan's dinner party. No meat allowed!

Is this the pinnacle of our society? that the opposable  thumb, spear, sword, fork and gun powder has propelled humans to such a height on the food chain, that people don't want to bother eating those below them? the argument is that they don't want animals to suffer and that humans aren't meant to eat animals 0. o are you high sir? why do we have canines in our arsenal of shiny teeth? if not to tear the fleas from bone. Cows have to be milked to keep them healthy, but some vegans want to propelled the safety of those animals above humans.

Given the opportunity a many number of the carnivorous creatures in the eco-system would snap up a human, we have no claws, no real thick skin, limited fur (unless your Italian  HEY-YO!!!) a straight up fight. we're screwed. However, we have a brain, and the adaptability to use that pointy stick.

 In the battle of survival of the fittest, it is not the strongest, the fastest or the biggest who wins, but it is he who is most adaptable to the situation. alternatively of course we were given a choice in this life and although Vegans choose their way I'll still have my fries with a side mountain of steak.

Suggested by Bengie and Norman

Throwing Pennies at Poor People

With the economy in its current state and being one of the big things in the news recently it would seem like a good idea to write something topical regarding the economy...

(Let me just cut in here and say that I have two or three different articles fully finished and edited on my phone in the notes section, as I occasionally cant sleep at night and would rather kill two birds with one stone then sit their counting sheep. Plus seeing as my phone has a handy notes section that can be blue toothed to my laptop I saw an opportunity to finish this off on my phone and upload it quick and easy ... yeah, it uploaded a screen shot of the stuff to me ¬.¬ God damn it! Sigh... where was I again?)

...Regarding the economy, or rather to finish off this back log, which has been increasing weekly. Therefore I have chosen something which is close to my heart, which of cause is: Money. or rather, liking money, and liking the fact I have money, but apparently this makes me the anti-Christ, sorry I meant 'Middle classed'.

Ammunition 

Middle class people get a bad rap in the news, films and books alike, it is rather unfair. Middle class people aren't evil, nor are we overly rich, just comfortable.

That's not an issue is it? I know I have somewhat of a Posh boy accent but that is just how I was brought up, properly of cause - by my butler mostly - but Jenkins was a splendid fellow teaching me how to speak and direct my words to be heard above the commoners. Clearly I was joking here though I  have been known to never carry anything below a 10p piece in my wallet, preferring to either throw them in the bin or at poor people.

Is that wrong? Does one have an issue with this?
Damn straight you don't have an issue with that, wealthy people aren't evil, they aren't plotting to take over the world or create that super death machine - super death machines are expensive people! what do you expect these people want? Granted for some the world is not enough, but that can be said of everyone - everyone wants something more then they already have: the poor want to become rich and the rich want to become rich, like a scene out of Macbeth, their ambitions ov'r leaps their gains (Fear my A-level misquoting wang!!)

This is not meant in the sense that they are evil, rather that the middle class are consumed by the opinions of the poor creating a illusionary state of mind surrounding them. sure, everyone wants to become wealthy, but why do they hate the rich? they hate the rich for being rich, yet they themselves desire to become rich ... by that analysis every rich person should hate themselves for becoming rich.

Rich people don't hate themselves, far from it (Often too much self love goes public), rich people are happy that they have made it, made it above the sharks an the cut throats, made it into the clouds up on high... But wait what's that being flung at me from down below? Oh its shit, and people wonder why the wealthy can be jaded towards the poor?

Again, I'm by no means rich or wealthy, I'm comfortable in my earnings and current state, also by no means do I think ALL wealthy people are goof people, some really do want to exploit others and build that giant James Bond doomsday machine in their backyard, but why wouldn't you?

Lasers are cool. Hashtag: https://twitter.com/Drake_Best 2012

Bible Shaped Battleaxe

Any one who follows me on Twitter - @Drake_Best, Yes all 20 of you...(hint, hint) Will know I got accosted by a Chaplin the other day, if you didn't I'll boil the story down quickly:

Whilst sitting in the canteen of my collage watching the local retards sing and dance their way past trying A. To keep a straight face and B. thinking that there is more then likely a better use of my time. I was not sitting alone but the person I was with was on the phone, still pondering what on earth I was still doing there a women makes a b-line towards me. thinking she was about to make a comment about not wearing my lanyard I prepared where I was going to tell her to stick It up her arse.

I couldn't have been more wrong though, she was the Chaplin of this college apparently and was just walking around, she then started up a conversation with me as I was "looking shattered and bored", despite a number of efforts to get rid of her  she would not go and opened up a conversation on religion and preachers - As I said in my last blog about gays I don't care what people believe so long as they don't shove it down my throat. this pain in the arse women would not leave me alone, after telling her my name was Drake (because I couldn't think of any other name) she asks if it was after Sir Francis Drake - in hindsight I should have gone the whole Satan route maybe said my name was Adolf and that I hate the Jews too, but I digress. This women must have been there 30minutes yakking at me and I couldn't get rid of her even trying to get up and leave she wouldn't let me go "oh you must come see me and have another chat". Trololololol lady, not a chance.

Don't get me wrong I don't hate religion or people who have faith, one of my closest friends is heavily religious - which may sound like a cop out, but fuck you its not - My issue arises when Preachers on the street inform you that "THAT YOU ARE GOING TO HELL!" to near everyone that walks past or anyone who wants to have an argument about it, Peas and rice! I'd gladly go to hell if i didn't have to put up with you in my heaven. Why should I go to hell? I'm a nice enough person, sure I've had the odd vice and clearly watched way too much porn but does that condemn me to the very depths of hell? If it does then its going to be a pretty crowded day in hell on Judgement day.

When I say shoved down my throat I mean when religion is being forced upon people, such as when they attack others who they do not even know out of the blue, it annoys me more when religious people do it because of how a person dresses, I don't mock them on the funny hat they are wearing so why should they get angry because of the skull on my chest - god damn I like the shirt I'm wearing I'm not trying to make a statement with it, hell at the moment I am wearing a space invaders shirt but its not like I'm saying "I want space aliens to attack" so a person with a skull on their chest doesn't mean they wish death upon others, but clearly to them it does. Christianity isn't the worst faith when it comes to this though, thankfully there are more level headed Christians in the world because as times have gone on they have had to put up with pop culture, but with more traditional faiths such as Orthodox Jews and Orthodox Muslim's who hold any one with disdain who do not cover up, I would say get with the times but admittedly some clothing people where today's is only a few fibres shy of being fully nude.

So when those trumpets sound and the angels come to collect the righteous I'd imagine pickings would be rather slime around the planet. do these preachers expect to get into the 'kingdom of heaven' damning all those around them to the fiery pits with pompous language and phrases they pulled from the bible. I'll be honest as a book the bible is rather boring, the plots all over the place and in the end SPOILER ALERT the main character dies with nothing really resolved, the world keeps spinning and the Romans keep pillaging the Jews. Along with this it suffers from the unfortunate symptom of 'sequel syndrome', where the sequel is never as good as its predecessor. people should not hold themselves so highly that they think they are in the right and that everyone should think that way, I'm not, have your opinions if you will, your stupid for doing so but I'm not going to burn you for it.

In the end, they are books, and books are meant to be read, as much as I like audio books I don't want to have someone shouting passages at me on the street! It would be like spoiling the ending to a great classic. Next time I think then I'll shout passages from 50 shades of grey back at them!

I'M HERE AND QUEER - But don't YOU bring it up

Off the bat, before anyone reading this takes up umbrage with me - I am not prejudice about homosexual people, I've not pre-judged them as I've mostly thought about what I am about to write - mostly.

I do not have an issue with homosexual people, however this is limited to the same respect that I don't have an issue with politics or religion (within reason the occasional genocide aside most are quiet nice). as i said this is limited though to something that can be boiled down to the following: "you can believe whatever you want, so long as you don't try and shove it down my throat", homosexuality much like religion - if you see religion as mostly catholic priests - the phrase 'shove down my throat' may cause a chuckle, but I call attention to it here to take away the humour from it. Gobble cock . Giggity

I have zero issue with homosexual people what's so ever. I keep repeating this so I don't get stabbed to death  but also, using the word ' H O M O S E X U A L ' after referring to a lesbian as gay, they got rather shirt-y with me. stopping me every time I refereed to them as gay and corrected me hand out as "I'm a lesbian actually" or just mouthing 'lesbian' to the person I was speaking to. I GET IT. You have chosen upon a preferred  sexual orientation, congrats, not to be big headed or anything but I was asserted with my sexuality for awhile now, but you don't see me having a parade about how straight I am.

It perplexed me and upon asking them later why they decided to correct me each time I got: "It is because I am a Lesbian and not gay". What? Apparently due to the increasing use of the word gay some homosexual people dislike being refereed to as gay. e.g. God that lesson was gay, gay of cause replacing: God that lesson was a fucking pain in the arse I wish I could brain the teacher. Therefore gay/lesbian people are refereed to in my mind as - Homosexual, as despite it being an extra few pain in the arse syllables to pronounce at least makes people happy. Seeing as I dislike censoring myself for other people, I like to think that I'm using it to be more accurate, Homo meaning 'same as' and Hetero meaning 'other than' and sexual meaning... Well I'm not a nuclear physicist but I'm pretty sure that means something to do with boning.

Tying these neat little strands together and making this rant worthy it pisses me off to equal degree of parents having pictures of their kids in your face, I hate people who define themselves as parents now and expect you to be amazed at the fact they managed to procreate the same way I hate homosexual people who define themselves by their sexuality. Granted parents have a better reason to say "I'm Mrs Blank and my son X Y Z'ed, I R a parent" but its still a pain in the arse, as if they expect you to hold them to a higher degree because they are parents and by extension trust worthy? You can have a offspring, hell 50 but that doesn't mean I'm going to trust you with anything having a kid doesn't make you instantly a saint, social services does exist for a reason. This is comparable to homosexual people who define themselves as gay, but disallow you from calling them gay (see what I did there with the title).

A great deal of homosexual people are obviously gay to the degree of being able to spot this down the street with ridicules stereotypical body language and speech patterns -I remember a news article about a burglar who was recognised due to his 'camp' method of walking! Therefore their is no need to define yourself as gay in conversation... Okay granted there are some that do not stick to stereotypes (in this term I mean the obviously gay stereotype not smoking hot gay stereotype) But they get even more angry then the less attractive stereotypes  I'm sorry your an attractive person who just so happens to be gay, I think if a strange started flirting with me I'd find it a compliment, not fly off the handle bars axe in hand. I don't introduce myself as a white, middle class, straight man I'd like to think you can surmise this from me and my posh boy accent, life isn't a book needing each character dictated to the person in front of you.

But I digress... I could go further in saying that some homosexual people think they will be better parents then parents in a heterosexual relationship, but that is prejudice of its own accord. What makes you think you will be better parents or can give more love then a person in a heterosexual relationship. Don't bring statistics into this either ass hole (Donkey anus) much like the saying women are worse drivers then men, women are only worse drivers as there are more of them on the road, meaning likelihood of accidents increase, the number of homosexual parents to heterosexual parents is so low it is no wonder they are better parents as there is less of them to pad/mess up the percentage. This is a good thing, if the statistic ever switched in terms of numbers at least - meaning the number of heterosexual parentage is dwarfed by homosexual parentage - the world may not last for long, or you better damn well hope scientific technology leaps some more.

In closing I believe the homosexual community should Leave off the gay rights thing. You have enough now, up there with women's right and race rights its becoming increasingly tedious to be Mr Whittier-then-white-guy, for some of you there was a number of century's involving some slight but do you have to keep forcing it down peoples throats, not even religion is that bad, they have the preferred way of thinking to outsiders which is: you can either believe our way or fuck off and we'll see you roast in (insert version of hell here)!


Long story short this is another example of hypocrisy gay people demand rights whilst damning those that don't want to help them or just don't care-  as degenerates or homophobic, I'm not homophobic, I just couldn't give a damn who you bugger, so long as its not me.

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Gaming is Satan!

Like I said at the end of the last blog, violence in video games is often in the eye of the media, after the 2011 Norway attacks carried out by Anders Behring Breivikand 69 people were massacred, the reason why gaming was involved in this is that this fool stated that he practiced using Call of Duty: modern warfare 2 "for training sessions". Twat. This caused uproar (again) that these games are far too violent, blah, blah, self righteous kitten cuddling blah.

                                                                                                                           

On the other hand It is fair to say that some games are a little too violent, manhunt for example is a game that has been banned in the UK - amongst other countries - due to just how jaw droppingly violent it is, game play includes decapitating your fellow man with tennis rackets where you get more points depending on stealthy, violent or brutal kills and it shows you how to do so in extensive detail. Yes, this is violent and if you get your rocks of this way then you are undoubtedly already messed up in the head so hardly a headline act, just another nutter who wants to kill others around them and are undoubtedly one of the mad house retards the game is based upon. To which case it isn't the fault of games per say just that you've mental issues and should be sectioned.

Where Breivikand (choosing the hardest part of his name to pronounce of cause) starts things off with being the exception to normal gamers and flies off the deep end, the other example of this is the recent Batman film massacre where, a fellow rocked up; masked and clad in black, hair painted red and stated he was "The Joker" before tossing a gas canister into the crowd (much like with the first seen in The Dark Knight) and opened fire upon the crowd, he killed 12 and injured 58. Due to his young age the media decided, it must be the result of video games and that he was a bit of a loner, but is that ever blamed? Maybe he wouldn’t have gone bat shit if he actually had friends? I would say the same for Breivikand but he was off the wall, Hitler style crazy and there’s a difference between misunderstood and fucktarded.

Though I’m getting away from things here, and should probably ground myself with some facts – maybe that would set me apart from any other person getting annoyed that news papers, and columnists wait for a massacre before latching onto it and blaming game developers and the general desensitisation of society. If you’re reading this then I hope you are an intelligent person who can read, preferably write and know the difference between reality and VIDEO GAMES! 

By no means my photo

The hint is in the title of them, anyone who sees a 2x4 rammed down the throat of a clown suit wearing zombie and then decides that, that looks like a good idea you’ve clearly missed the plot that this is a game. The developers allow you to do it as you would in reality – I wouldn't mine into the centre of the planet or command an army into a war, firstly because I’m lazy, and second because I’m a pussy. Game creates escapism where you can do all these things but are returned to the normal, non pixel filled world at the end.

If I’m honest the real world is boring and in desperate need of the occasional checkpoint or reload, games mostly have both of these and are created for entertainment purposes (and in terms of sequels to make more money). Much like where weapons of defence can be used for offense, things created for entertainment can be used as “training” and/or rein acted –by morons with the social skills of a squirrel, but apparently all gamers have the social skills of Squirrels and can be brainwashed by violence at the drop of a hat, or acorn.

A few years ago when the latest GTA came out someone waiting for it stabbed someone who had the game already, shock and outrage ensued – what was often left out was that the person who got stabbed was being a cunt and mocking those who were still waiting in the line, the guy didn’t even steal the game off of him, just stabbed him because he was being a dickhead. Okay there’s a fine line that shouldn’t be crossed - although the guy most likely deserved a good hard thumb, stabbing was a little over the top.

At the end of the day, when the zombie invasion takes place, you are going to want the help of gamers who have spent hours removing the head and destroying the brain, but much like adding a kitten and blender together I'd question the guy rocking in the corner to maybe tone it back the laughing with glee a little.

Anger *Exclamation mark* (Lots of Swears)

Now this may or may not come as a shock to some but I'm not an angry person - no seriously - stop choking upon your tea and/or mountain dew (both major social markets now met, I can continue). Although I do enjoy imagining the slow and painful destruction of half my enemies and the dubious rape of the other half, but again I'm not an angry person, I might be sadistic and boarder line psychotic, but that’s beside the point, as  is that corpse in the corner and psychotic is pronounced QWERKY.

Anyway anger is good, no really it is although watching my inch shy of six foot, 16stone, built like a brick shit house father, going bat shit at the latest football results is more on the line of being scary then what I would call fun, but its better he go bat shit at that then take a very large block of wood to the back of the heads of his co-workers. *deep breath* Although I still wouldn't put it past the fellow, much like myself he sees the people above him as cunts who would count themselves intelligent if they could spread butter on bread, and those below him as trying to chop his heels off and use his body for a ladder.

Anger is useful in that it helps express a number of emotional and/or chemical changes in the body, such as seeing that twat who cost you fifty on “a sure thing”, how do you respond? Well with anger of cause the body burns with an amazing desire to do them harm or rather speak your mind. Speaking your mind being the preferred choice as it can be slightly less messy, unless they are an incestuous adulterer then by all means fill your rage hose with such and soak away - In truth as far as emotions go anger is the most useful it can protect oneself against being hurt by others, in creating walls of rage where they are clearly wrong and a twat and you are God, meanwhile the anger inside has almost no downside. No one has ever committed suicide due to anger, after all they are more likely to yell at the top of their lungs that you are a twat then self harm. 

(On a side bar though finding an empty area of people and yelling at the top of your lungs is very therapeutic, although hard to find said empty areas of people. If you’re lucky they’ll come across you and think you a crazy person and hurry away, if you’re not they’ll assume its rape and come guns blazing – then things get really awkward)

If you ask me – I know you didn't but I’ve started so I’ll damn well finish – there is nothing wrong with being angry, when faced with an impossible opponent it is always best to get angry, although I don’t necessarily mean physically unless the person is excreting cunt from the ear holes then by all means go bat shit upon their arse, might I suggest the nearby pub stool, or stick with nails in it. Expressing anger in say a non physically yet virtual way is best in my mind - by this I mean picking up the most 18 blood filled game, preferably zombie filled and clear out entire country worth’s of populace, and you can be as entirely racist as you like towards white people as is it me or are a lot of zombies white? I get how it must be hard to put the appropriate amount of artwork into them that and with Usan Bolt as an example you’d be lucky to chew on a black guy in a zombie apocalypse, but I'm encroaching on being told I'm being racist – again.

This is in direct contrast to the media’s point of view that violent video games will teach young children how to murder their fellow man, but seeing how this horse shit will be my next subject matter I’ll leave it at that.

In the end though, these forms of expressing anger are far better than the latter after all bringing down the walls with shouting is better than plastering with blood.

You're Growing up son

With the ever impeding quarter life crisis approaching, I am beginning to look back on my life, and can safely say: That much like watching a "lets play" on any game, I would be screaming at the screen If the entirety of my life flashed before my eyes. Okay its a fair bet that it would be a short flash, but undoubtedly it would be boring - the thing is though - during these flash backs in films and books etc...They only highlight the seemingly important things that happened to them in their lives, surely the saying "I saw my whole life flash before my eyes" would be all 365 and a bit days multiplied over a however many number of years being shown to them. Much like the damned being read every sin they committed for all eternity (see Through a scanner darkly for that reference), you'd either be bored without end with the feeling of listening to the same tireless joke over and over again.

I know that this would be my case, specifically as in my own said flash back there would be this section - me writing out a blog that may or may not be uploaded and tagged around the internet, wondering if the future and hopefully, very, very old me will find this somewhat entertaining, if not, sorry future me but I cant believe you let *enter name here* kill you with *enter object here* in *some location*.
The other out come is that I would be content with the things that I have done in my life, though feeling slightly Jipped that my reward for such contentment is sitting through a crappy film. However I guess killing all those hookers adds up eventually.

The point of all this is watching the world develop around me in a flash is better then experiencing it, such as watching mobile phones move from wallet thickness, down to mere a sheet of glass with no buttons that every fellow and their dog owns, technology has leaped and increased in leaps and bounds all over the place, I used to have to punch out of work by manually writing in my hours and hide in the stock room, now I've a hand scanner that rates me on how far off it is from the original -for me my Lowest score = 99, and highest score = 24 ... evidently I have changed over the years much like the world around me.

The thing is though I don't particularly wish to grow up, Id much rather be that short haired, glasses wearing kid, riding the coat tails of the pokemon crazy - before they became banned due to 'Bullying' nonsense. In hindsight, I should have stuck to those glasses, lost the hair cut and kept the cards (this is where I'd be yelling at the computer screen of my life) lose the bloody hair! No you fool not a Bellsprout collection are you mad!? Timmy don't go down that dark alley ... wait, wrong script. I would say that I'm not proud of some of my choices in life, but only through hindsight can I see that these weren't good ideas, In truth they may not have been the best but have undoubtedly shaped me into the person before you. A 6 foot, blue eyed, brown haired, lanky self centered ass who one day dreams of world domination, But I know world domination wont happen at the tip of a spear, nor pen (especially with my hand writing).

So it falls upon working hard, earning a decent living and lording dominion over my own little world, I suppose that is one of the perks to being Ignorant and means that although for some the world is never enough I'm quiet content with a Cornetto sized flake.

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Several Shades of Wank - Chapter one?

After a battle of words regarding the latest literal band wagon and being as erotic sounding as a school boy reading out a stories in a playboy magazine. I thought as a College boy I must be able to do better, and receive claim and mass injections of cash!!!

Warning Below is 18 rated material and should not be read by anyone under that age. The writing is ham fisted and the erotic side is lacking some so much it makes Meat Spin seem more arousing... But now that you've looked up meat spin, you will be nauseous enough to find anything sexy *winky face*
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Several Shades of Wank - Chapter one?

Lady Crow walked down her carpeted hallway, admiring all the paintings that plastered the lavishly red walls. Lady Crow was not her real name, she had forgotten that years ago - along with her original hair colour, but that didn't matter either. She was 28, still beautiful and in charge of a successful pleasure house surrounded by class and high society. The rich and expensive the paintings of oceans, sunsets, chaotic landscapes and portraits depicting increasingly erotic circumstance reminded her of her station as she drew ever closer to her bedroom. The Lady was the owner of an erotic establishment nestled in the English country side, although the work was hard the power always enthralled her and made the effort all the more sweet, coming from nothing and having to survive on her intellect and beauty she had come a long way from corner streets of London.

Although the scars of London were all but healed the accent still cursed her, but  tonight in her pleasure palace she was entertaining her best and favourite client: At the door he was Sir Doe, but within the four walls of her room he was merely John and they were Mr and Mrs Doe entwining their bodies more often than the sun rises, and tonight he promised her a surprise that she would never forget.

Gentle giggerling and rough voices came from either side of her, the stately home was old and thick walled, but her girls knew how to make them sing. Though her girls were younger and more agile than she was but she still commanded the attention of all of the patrons: Sweaty, wealthy men an woman all skipping out on husbands, wives and businesses trips just to indulge themselves in the pleasures of her house. Apple Court was an old stately home when it was first purchased by Mrs Doe, its secluded location made it perfect for her trade, in an area prestigious enough to attract the right customer and secluded enough to ensure no lenses pried. however in recent years times have been hard on the trade with restrictions being imposed and the illegality of it being a constant threat. Though it becomes less of a threat if you know the correct people in  power and know what they enjoy; An influential oil Barron enjoys whips and canes, whilst the health minister enjoys being at the receiving end of such instruments, the two "hit it off" almost immediately and photographic protection was used of cause. This was unnecessary as the two now meet monthly and have offered a number of payments for the building's maintenance and Mrs Doe did enjoy any money savers. 

Pausing before her door Mrs Doe looked upon the last portrait in her hallway was set apart from the rest and broke the chain of those before it; it showed the image of a man being shot by several men whilst holding an unpinned grenade. it was her favourite above all else.
"I'll pay back Double what is dealt on me" Mrs Doe said to the portrait as she entered her surprise.

Her room was dark and not a creature was stirring, except for her desires deep inside, Mrs Doe could smell Mr. Doe's scent on the air, an oak and lemon scent that moistened her lips, but her 'husband' was no where to be found. Only a note on the bedside table and underneath it a silk scarf was new. the note read: "My dearest Jane Doe, wear and wait. Love John. hmm.. that koi bastard", Jane lifted her red hair into a bun, and put on the soft silk scarf, covering her eyes and waited.

With one of her senses lost Jane became increasing enthralled by the scent of her lover, and the sounds around her. waiting for what seemed like an age Jane heard a door creak open and close softly.
"You took your time getting here" Jane stated impatiently,
There was no reply, only muffled foot steps moving closer, she was not bound yet Jane found it difficult to move only speak. "Well?"
He was in front of her now, so close that the warmth from his body seeped from him drawing her closer into his embrace, all sounds lost from the building, all she could hear was her heartbeat and breathing. A hungry mouth found her lips and an excited tongue did war inside her mouth. 
Then, then he stepped back from her and shushed her moans of protest. Her lover was circling her now like a shark who has just tasted the scent of blood, he was behind her now and unzipped her dress, it fell effortlessly to the floor at her feet leaving Jane naked, blind, and feeling vulnerable. In moments of the dress hitting the floor her round breast was in his hand and kissing along her neck, he sort to tease her, being gentle upon her neck whilst squeezing her erect nipples between his fingers. her breathing was becoming shorter as a hand left a breast leaving it feeling lonely and run a warm hand down her body, passing down her stomach and over her thighs stroking over her underwear. the hand began to rub between her legs sending shudders through her body and making her moist.
 She wanted him in her yet he would not move, her eyes still blind but she knew he was smiling relishing every moment, as he turned her and met her mouth once more. The touch of his fingers excited her further and he slowly put them down her pants and teased her lips, toying with them, moving from side to side and entering her slowly, but he was aroused now and she was picked up and moved to her bed, underwear removed in a flash, and his tongue was inside once more, but this time it was not her mouth that he strode in. his tongue sort only her clitoris, moving hungrily around seeking deeper and deeper as hands kept her body warm. Her body arched with each stroke of his hungry tongue and could do little to contain her moans, becoming louder and louder, she wanted in her now, her body yearned for him, legs turned to jelly at his touch and he was ready to she felt him leave her and felt the scarf being removed.

Before her was her man, John was breathing heavily, body wet from sweat and her juices, and he was hard she could see his erection twitching and calling to her as her body called to him. He turned her around rubbing his hands over her hoo-ha, parting her legs and using his hard penis to excite her further. finally he entered her and began to move back and forth entering a rhythm with her breathing, go deeper and further each time. The scarf came back, now around her neck and held from behind by her lover, it shortened her breath further but she was not scared it increased his grip on her and he entered hard now making her eyes roll and heart skip, the enjoyment was eye watering, her legs oozed her juices and his sweat entwined. There continued for what seemed like hours reaching a climax together Jane has not felt before, her back near split when she gasped the last of her passion out of her self and they collapsed on top of one another in a heap.

Their bodies still breathless and heaving John rolled her over to look into Jane's eyes, eyes of hazelnut met her, seeped in desire and lust. Time dripped past them as that lay amongst crumpled sheets and worn out springs. John was first to break the silence as her handed her the silk scarf.
"Put this somewhere safe my dear, for the next time" and he kissed her brow.
Jane rolled over him and reached for her bed side table, then John stopped her. 
"No, somewhere better then that, we wouldn't want someone else using it would we" 
His smile melted her and Jane nodded, slinking off the bed breasts bonding as she strode towards a painting on the wall, and moved it aside revealing her safe. It was an old thing but it was a bonus that came with the house so Jane could not complain and in this day and  age you could never be too careful. Warm hands cupped her breasts before the open door, the touch of him made her eager once more. He lead her back to the bed. He left the safe door open.

Goodbye Woody

 Deep down in the heart of Men's,
 A place of work, where colleges are friends,

 There was a girl, as bubbly as sin,
 She liked a laugh, and everything there-in
 So Becky will be missed, because she was kin
 As Men's is a family and will never forget.

<----------------------------------------------->
 She grabbed her whip and strode out the door, beating customers as she went for Becky was now free and could do as she wish. Gone is the fake curtsey to elbows and arsehole she is free to indulge in her  true career as a dominatrix along the Portsmouth (or Southampton) coast, feasting on knowledge and alcohol toasting her memories of the best place to work in the world, after all who doesn't like working on Men.
<---------------------------------------------->

  Becky woods, Becky woods, Becky Woods,
  I think I've embarrassed myself enough
  Goodbye, piece out and all that jazz.

  Stalk you later.

  *Winky face*

Just Don't Ask Me

If you ask a stupid question, then a stupid answer is what you'll get and coming from a town where the knuckles can be heard scrapping on the floor from the next town over. Many-a stupud question is asked of me, especially at work. Woo Back to form! - Well if you can call whining about work and customers form but still, what you see is what you get.

Another piece suggested by fellow co-workers amoungst an unstoppable tide of idioms (not all of which coming from me). So before I begin I had better get shooting myself in the foot out the way now before some smart arse decides to mention it the next time we're at the pub in front of something scrummy. Yes I'm talking to you Ben.

Like most things context is everything but what happened boils down to this: Good Friday is one of those delightful days known as a bank holiday and brilliant in that it is technically a day off - unless you work in retail, or a pub, or a supermark... is it really a bank holiday? banks are closed by 5 on Fridays anyway... Oh well... With pubs still being open, a pub dinner was suggested and being someone who enjoys beer, chicken and good company I said yes. However as this question was asked about 2 weeks before and lacking (common sense and) a calendar, I had to as the question "What day is Friday?"... Now you my think this a stupid question and out of context it is - though even in context its still pretty low brow. I'd like to justify myself here by saying that, I meant WHEN is good Friday?... in terms of, how far away from this specific date, but sigh, that day has gone and past and there are far better silly questions that get asked in an average day.

There's a difference between asking a silly question that makes you look like a tit Example A: above, and then there's those irritating questions that get repeated and asked near-every-single-day. These also have the same answer to them, which are just as irritating and feel like your dragging your brain behind you in a soggy sack through a cactus factory. (No i don't know where i was going with all these similies either).
Lets see if you can guess the questions they ask from my normal answers:


Check the price tag.
The price tags on the other side.
Where ever you found it.
Is the original price crossed out? then what do you think?
Not unless you lose about 10 stone.
Twat size.
Sure just let me put on my Indiana Johns outfit.
No, I just felt like wearing an all black, monogrammed shirt whilst folding shirts in an arbitary fashion.

And now for the Questions....

How much is this?

Where's the price of this?

Where are these?

Is everything on here reduced?

Does this fit me?

What size do you think I am?

Go check the back room for this?

Do you work here?

I'll just let you compare both Q&A and have a quick chuckle. As there is no doubt that you get customers who have, will and won't stop asking you these questions. However all kudos go to the question that gets asked at least four times a shift by every single member and is the one I gave the best witty remark to. Do you work here? This gets annoying fast on a long day as you both have to do that awkward little laugh as you'd both look pretty damn stupid if you didn't work there. It's a fair question to ask in places where there is no direct uniform, for example in times past my uniform at work used to be black shirt, tie and black trousers, so your kind of unsure if they work there. Especially if you approach someone from behind (giggity)  and they are wearing all black, it could be they're stopping off after a funeral - which may sound unlikely but they do not enjoy being asked where the tills are after a death in the family.

Now though we have monogrammed shirts, much like other stores, as well as lanyards  which say our names in big size 14 letters, yet people STILL ask if you work there. There is always the temptation in my head to give the very similar response to being asked "Are you awake?" at 1am - No, Now fuck off and bother someone else. 

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Damn, Damnation!

After running somewhat low on finding witty and anger inducing things to bitch about - even though I do have two subject matters in the pipeline: The first being people cutting in line, which as soon as someone tries I'm sure I'll have enough rage built up to Zidane that arsehole into written oblivion. The second option is where I whine about poor people ... again! but I'll have to admit that is getting rather stale material, however much like the former it is one non-working, benefit stealing herp-derper to piss me off away from being done... So what I'm saying is when I eventual leave my house and head towards Asda/Wallmart the said rage will arise and I'll bore you thusly.

On the other hand I felt like listening to one of my friends this time, and might review a game - bye bye ladies - though screw anything "mainstream", not because I'm pretentious or anything, but because no doubt typing in the latest release into Google will result in a wave of legitimate and/or not so legitimate writers each trying to jump on the back of these games praying that the finger cramp was not actually in vain.

Thus I've decided when the preferable barrel is scraped bare I'll do a quick hop and skip to the local pre owned shop (because I'm tight like that) for any title I have never actually heard of, the cheaper the better, hoping to find some gem, some - dare I try and tie a Disney film into this - "diamond in the ruff".
The only problem with this though is a pretty plane as there is sound reason why these games aren't heard of. Its because they suck!

Oh blast, I've just given the ending away to my opinion on this game, but seeing how I'm already three paragraphs in so I have a feeling I should talk about the game I'm bitching about: Its called "Damnation". Put on a comical American cowboy accent and you can pretty much guess the era your living in, but with

Steam Punk example

a Steampunk twist. Something that not too many games have set on, the Steam punk interest is fairly high for what it is. In a nut shell it is almost always Earth but in a parallel universe where the use of electricity never took off instead technology is powered by Steam and fashion/society is stuck in the past (thus Steam-punk) what this results in is weaponry and cars zooming around with the aid of steal and steam, the fashion is stuck in the Elizabethan era mostly to give it that edgy look.

Damnation on the other hand is more cowboy based so you have your grizzled ex-general guy with a cowboy hat and steam punk six shooter. Well this is mostly surmised from the box art as the actual in game graphics are shocking. even sitting on top of my television set the graphics were still blurry, there's setting the mood through grimy and brownie settings and then there's taking a shotgun paint gun to a wide open space. Seeing as I didn't hear of this game before I took it merely on the box art, when in fact I should have been bent over by my phone company and looked up the game to see the synopsis and/or the rating that it received. nothing above a 4/10 or over 40% from game reviews, panning it into the earths core suggesting all others void it at all costs. looking at the wiki for it would also have helped "Damnation features large, open environments where a variety of acrobatics and Hollywood-action stunts are possible. Damnation features verticality which differentiates it from many other games in the genre" vertical meaning, you had better have a head for heights and be prepared to spend hours climbing up every few moments. This is something a many number of games have done recently, where you start on the bottom and the aim is to reach the summit but most give you a map marker, even some map to speak of. Not Damnation! Only verbal instructions so that if you forget what your meant to be looking for, such as a single flight of stairs in a soup of brown, your buggered.

This wouldn't have bothered me so much had there not been a long list of other such problems, from a player point of view the only usable weapon is the high powered rifle, every other weapon that is in abundance is awful, the only person that can use it is the AI and that's a bastard as the enemy is retarded in terms of tactics - they'll stand legs akimbo in an open window still soaking up hits, but they hit like trucks with no cover features either or shoulder switching means that's you can't take proper cover from any fire beyond running behind a wall and hope the enemy is on the right hand side opposed to the left unless you wish to become cheese.

The game tries it's best to set itself apart from its clear influences; the mono shaded HUD (heads up display), wide battle grounds and grungy style reeks of Gears of war, whilst its Free running sections also leave a metallic Prince of Persia taste in your mouth and slight hint of Assassin's creed with all that damned vertical climbing.

So I implore all those that read this, DO NOT BUY THIS GAME! If you see it in a store, burn it! My Gamer score is now tarnished by this monstrosity and also lead me to suffer from vertigo, something I've never had before - even suffering through Mirror's Edge never gave me that. However that's enough of this, I'm by no means a professional and need more suggestions otherwise I'll just have to ask a homeless person again, and those fellows aren't muses, fuckers charge for their insights.

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Random Add z z z z z zzz

Requested by Declan. Sort of - I'll get to the ducks and army of thumbs shortly ...

With my friends list hovering somewhat steadily at 172 (damn thing wont move), I should choose my words carefully and be aware of what I say as to not insult too many of you, especially as a many number of those 172 are; from my local area, know where I work and are within thumbing distance. However something that  I agree with this Declan fellow is about new RANDOM people that add you. Now I know aesthetically speaking, I'm the bees knees - come on look at that sexy self portrait - but I still don't fully understand random adders.

Sexy self

These are the people I know I have never met before, just adding and then saying nothing. In fact the only thing for the most part they do say is "herp, thanks for the addz", thanks for making the effort of cut and pasting the same arbitrary thank you, that you send to everyone else in your upwards of 2'000 friends list. Who the heck knows and actively speaks to that many people, I understand that going through life and thanks to these bloody things  you pick up people every know and then, for example on the street or at a party - odds on your doubtful to continue speaking to this person after the add - But get rid of them, surely your feeds are filled with a noise of people, the amount of stupid must be deafening (I know this will undoubtedly add to the noise of retard) when links get thrown and pounded down your throats, not to even mention the Bi-polar disorder that all statuses become. Have you ever pinged down your feed on valentines day? It's a sea of "forever alones" and *high pitched voice* "Oooo I couldn't be happier *INSERT NUMBER OF MONTHS* With my hubby and still going strong" - I'm Glad there's the new timeline feature as especially for people who have had a number of relationships that can go through each year, look back in hindsight and refer to themselves as dicks.

However I suppose I should get back to the request, which I've somewhat segway'd into with linking stuff and posting things, such as photos - jumping on a dopey and ageing bandwagon the duck face thing... Now when i first saw this i honestly thought it was a joke, that people were purposely looking derpy even though they were fairly attractive (Some are alight when not making the face, but then there are others who, well... Quack, quack)

Sex face

Sexy right... Its a weird screen cap to take, are they giving you a kiss? I mean this one makes me look sexually aggressive and by no means attractive so explain the point to this, were it ironic in terms of here is an amazingly attractive person making themselves look attractive because that's a fairly weird trend that has popped up, but these people think that it looks sexy! Really? you really think looking like you have a mild form of special needs makes you look sexy?

It's a compliment in my mind when someone who you do not know tries to add you on these social networking sites as, I'd imagine it is a way of communicating with someone you find attractive, or have an interesting bio and you'd like to get to know better. However you have those that only wish to use you as a number in an ever expanding army of digits, a friend of mine got into a race to see if he could reach 1000 friends and then keep it at that level for a set amount of time, you'd be surprised at the number of people who would just blindly accept and never bat an eyelid and the person they have just allowed to see a great deal of their personal information (because people can be fools and post important things - I too have been guilty of this), they then never say hello to the person that they have added only 'liking' their derpy pictures and clearly feeling an attachment to their 'friend' even though, for the most part you are mostly a digit to these strangers.

Thanks to the internet, times are far beyond the fears of stranger danger, for most the only thing worth fearing is the de-friend button.

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Olympic Special, Special, special ... Potatoe

Another blog per request, this one has been suggested by my co-workers - after a number of twerps and statues against the entirety of the Olympics being in London - clearly hoping I'd make a tit of myself - don't worry I will do, speaking of twitter, https://twitter.com/Drake_Best do it ... ¬.¬

I watched maybe the first opening 20minutes of the opening ceremony, right up to the point where they had 'James Bond and the Queen' parachuting into the stadium, I agree with the look on the queens face through out the majority of it. I'm in no way taking credit for this demotivational caption, this image went viral maybe moments after the screen cap' was taken - not only showing the power of the internet but also a number of disdained people at the Olympic opener. incidentally it is almost impossible to see the opening ceremony on anything like YouTube, as I said I walked out during the parachuter's but I understand I missed J. K. Rolling in cash, do something with harry potter, and also something involving the NHS and sick children. Glad I left when I did.

It can't be denied that there was a lot going on in the Olympics... for roughly £20million you'd bloody well hope so. this isn't the only cost either! That 20million was for the opening ceremony only, this is not counting the cost of building the new stadiums and sports centres where the games will be played out. On top of this. there was the bid itself to get the games in London in the first place. as it stands the cost of the London hosting the Olympics is at £9.4 billion. £9.4 billion (14.5 billion dollars), an almost unfathomable amount in terms of finding something to compare it to. in terms of scale, say we put  this next to a human.

That little caption says, "1 billion dollars", fourteen and a half more of this and you'll slowly begin to imaging what the games have actually cost us. for what you might ask? a couple of shiny medal necklaces. i understand that these shiny medals have a meaning, after all look at war medals, in terms of what they are they're a chunk of metal and ribbon attached but much like with money, we assign worth to these. However Cameron in his typical wisdom has said, this year we aim to win 48medals. then you look at this website - http://sports.yahoo.com/olympics/medals - just keep hitting refresh and watch the battle between China and the USA, shocker as per normal, but with the USA and 500 athletics you'd expect them to win something, and with China well ... there was a story about a large number of young children disappearing and being put into Olympic camps, in preparation for the games,seemingly to breed a winning team, and by God have they done that. In the swimming I watch a 14/16 year old girl beat every other athlete in the pool by at least eight feet and the world record by nearly two seconds. 30 medals, maybe, but that's only if: Daily's partner gets it in time for once, Bolt has a heart attack and every Chinese athlete bites it.

It wouldn't have pissed me off so much had, the London Olympics not been hyped into oblivion and stampeded into the ground my commercials and advertising all with an Olympic underline message. "look at us, look at us, we're sponsoring and mentioning the London Olympics in our advertisement, buy our stuff! do it!" especially the commercials to o with the Olympics themselves, promoting watching and going to the Olympics which is near impossible. for starters it costs an arm and a leg, and for your limbs you get entered into a draw to go to any event. which meant you had no idea where or what event you could be watching... unless your an official, or sponsor, or someone deemed of enough "importance" to be given a place for free. then these people don't even have the courtesy to turn up!? importance is an annoyance in itself, yet another thing that is given value by fools, for  17 days there will be next to no news beyond that of the Olympics, but whilst your sitting there watching men and woman run for minerals, men and woman fight against their oppression. The last two years has seen the oppressed take a stand against what is not right and dictator after dictator has tumbled, before the opening ceremony the rebels were beginning their attack on the main capital, now bouncing through the news channels, past the 21 Olympic specific programs there is almost no normal news to be found, even getting the weather is a struggle and don't even get me started on that dopey logo or mascots.

I digress though, much like with the European cup (its a football thing), its easy to get behind the Olympics as opposed to small bitter rivalries there are large country sized rivalries where nations can get behind, I however reserve my seat in having no interest in it, but hey that's just me, otherwise. Woo Team GB (and the tip of Ireland... and sort of Scotland.. for now)

Requests via Twitter or Facebook, for my next mundane yet somewhat amusing rant.

Harry Houdini's Buggy

Now if you don't know who Harry Houdini is then go to Google now and look it up as the somewhat clever title will be lost on you. also not knowing who he is makes you a bit of a moron on the same par as those people who don't know who Genghis khan or Stalin is. You'd think, "haha, how can someone not know who Stalin is?" You'd think that but people are R-tards.

As the tags hint this is yet another mother/child bashing blog, but not to worry it will be one of the last as my 'friends list' has been suffering for it. which obviously is soul destroying for me - as a way to shift the direct hatred for some of the stuff I'm about to write it was a subject suggested by my manager a number of weeks ago.

Without further ado...

I work in a clothing retail store, so the shop floor has rails both free standing, against the walls and also a number of tables (with which to hold folded clothes) dotted about the place, this is also not to mention the pillars that are required for wiring and of cause making the place structurally sound - or to support the fat cats above (NB. please don't fire me, for the love of God don't fire me). So moving around the place is difficult at the best of time, this is not to mention when you throw customers into the mix with shopping bags and the stuff they are hopefully soon to buy and not just go through the motions with us. remaining polite whilst dodging customers who stop and start - will have long conversations in groups - is difficult at the best of time, then you apply buggies with kids and if you've been following and reading these blogs from the beginning you'll know buggies and myself don't mix, however I can see the use to them and/or the point to having and using buggies around the place... for the most part.

However, why should I move out of the way, or get up off of the floor - from where I was folding (still trying to keep my job) and/or staking a low shelf - for someone with an ASDA bag in the buggy starring at me! its not even as if the child is with the pram either, more often them not there is no child within a 10feet radius. This is far worse then there actually being a child there, I mind but I don't mind as much if moving out of the way will remove this smelly, crying child from my presence. There is barely enough room for a pram/buggy to go through shops without having their shopping spilling out and having their screaming kid in arm - who is only screaming as they are hot and tired from being booted out of their nice and comfy seat for a loaf of bread!

This rant idea was supplied by my Manager - somewhat proof that I'm not the only person who thinks this way. (NB: remember, don't fire me, you senior managers are lovely people)

Bonus section - This is further evidence about the bane that is Buggies/prams. I was at a bullfight

(Interestingly which was a misunderstanding, it is not actually a bull fight, it is meant to be called a bull dance, which is why the matadors jump, swoosh and move around the bull. though it is dancing with a definitive point at the end - see what I did there)

I was at a bullfight, where this fellow walked past us an something about him caught my eye, it wasn't just that he had two very young children following himself and his wife but also that he was carrying something. upon zooming in with my camera i discovered that it was a damn pram!! and that there was an even smaller kid holding the mothers hand. Why are you here?! firstly why have you brought your very young children to an event where *puts on Jigsaw voice* there will be blood. secondly why have you brought the pram in with you? there is no where to put it down, every step is in fact a seat and they are numbered, where do you think that thing will be going during the event when the place fills up. utter mourn.

Next blog is the Olympic Special, supplied by co-workers.