Harry Houdini's Buggy

Now if you don't know who Harry Houdini is then go to Google now and look it up as the somewhat clever title will be lost on you. also not knowing who he is makes you a bit of a moron on the same par as those people who don't know who Genghis khan or Stalin is. You'd think, "haha, how can someone not know who Stalin is?" You'd think that but people are R-tards.

As the tags hint this is yet another mother/child bashing blog, but not to worry it will be one of the last as my 'friends list' has been suffering for it. which obviously is soul destroying for me - as a way to shift the direct hatred for some of the stuff I'm about to write it was a subject suggested by my manager a number of weeks ago.

Without further ado...

I work in a clothing retail store, so the shop floor has rails both free standing, against the walls and also a number of tables (with which to hold folded clothes) dotted about the place, this is also not to mention the pillars that are required for wiring and of cause making the place structurally sound - or to support the fat cats above (NB. please don't fire me, for the love of God don't fire me). So moving around the place is difficult at the best of time, this is not to mention when you throw customers into the mix with shopping bags and the stuff they are hopefully soon to buy and not just go through the motions with us. remaining polite whilst dodging customers who stop and start - will have long conversations in groups - is difficult at the best of time, then you apply buggies with kids and if you've been following and reading these blogs from the beginning you'll know buggies and myself don't mix, however I can see the use to them and/or the point to having and using buggies around the place... for the most part.

However, why should I move out of the way, or get up off of the floor - from where I was folding (still trying to keep my job) and/or staking a low shelf - for someone with an ASDA bag in the buggy starring at me! its not even as if the child is with the pram either, more often them not there is no child within a 10feet radius. This is far worse then there actually being a child there, I mind but I don't mind as much if moving out of the way will remove this smelly, crying child from my presence. There is barely enough room for a pram/buggy to go through shops without having their shopping spilling out and having their screaming kid in arm - who is only screaming as they are hot and tired from being booted out of their nice and comfy seat for a loaf of bread!

This rant idea was supplied by my Manager - somewhat proof that I'm not the only person who thinks this way. (NB: remember, don't fire me, you senior managers are lovely people)

Bonus section - This is further evidence about the bane that is Buggies/prams. I was at a bullfight

(Interestingly which was a misunderstanding, it is not actually a bull fight, it is meant to be called a bull dance, which is why the matadors jump, swoosh and move around the bull. though it is dancing with a definitive point at the end - see what I did there)

I was at a bullfight, where this fellow walked past us an something about him caught my eye, it wasn't just that he had two very young children following himself and his wife but also that he was carrying something. upon zooming in with my camera i discovered that it was a damn pram!! and that there was an even smaller kid holding the mothers hand. Why are you here?! firstly why have you brought your very young children to an event where *puts on Jigsaw voice* there will be blood. secondly why have you brought the pram in with you? there is no where to put it down, every step is in fact a seat and they are numbered, where do you think that thing will be going during the event when the place fills up. utter mourn.

Next blog is the Olympic Special, supplied by co-workers.

Porn and the Right to view

Now there are a number of good things about being a man or boy depending on how old you are reading this and your personal opinion but that’s beside the point to be honest because hey, being a guy is pretty damned good. I could go on about the inequalities in society where men get paid more than women - because we work harder at it d'uhhh - or how we are just plain awesome but there are enough feminists in the world doing this already and it makes fairly boring reading...

So my angle, which not many have done before or they might have but not in this way. Is. PORN!!
Now there is no doubt in my mind that women do watch porn too, come on be serious ladies if you haven't seen it yourself then you’re more than likely to know of it. Now firstly it doesn't exploit the women as hey - they get paid to lay on their backs and who on earth wouldn't lie on their back and get 20K+?? No one, for lying there and moaning you get paid. So that gets any misguided points of view out the way.

Now to the point, which are being the pleasures of being a man and porn. Firstly it is somewhat socially acceptable for a guy to watch porn, so there's a big old win there. the second and most important is that porn was created for men to watch, now it’s not always just about finding it arousing some of the stuff out there is just funny, a bounce through a favourite website unearthed - some interesting, some funny and some damn right strange videos that firstly people have made and secondly that people have got off to. There’s.... midgets, obese woman, foot porn, horse porn, the Japanese favourite tentacle porn, dog porn, gay vampire porn (Twinklight, don't ask), old man porn, old women porn, interracial, gang porn, gangsta porn....

The list goes on and on even to the extent where games have porn made after them - as I was unfortunately informed by a customer whilst working in GAME, left4dead game... Left4Head on the other hand, porn. Now whether you watch this for arousal or like me watch due to finding it so very, very funny …

Besides in terms of procrastination it beats doing the work.

Sticky, Tricky Customers

As I stated nearing the end of the previous blog (oh yeah plugging my own shit shamelessly) customers can be jolly annoying and frustrating, I'm sure many of you have worked in retail at some point in your lives and well you know certain people can - for lack of a better word - be a bunch of dicks. if it's not them not knowing what it is they want it is that they take every opportunity to either get in your way or ruin your day.

What I find particularly annoying is when pushing large (possibly heavy) objects around, yet no matter how hard or heavy they insist in remaining in the way. the thing is a large white trolley, piled high with clothing of numerous colours, how can you not see this? answer they can and they are arses. However ignorance is bliss to these people, they expect you to move out of their way, why? well because they are the customer and you are the employee who they can make hell for should they run to a manager because of their own idleness to notice the large trolley coming towards them.

These people are not the only one nor are they the only lucky people who receive my spite in this particular blog - there is a list of names and people piling up to Mitch and mourn about for your viewing pleasure - anyway back to the point, which is the next group of people who are either blind or stupid enough to get in my way and think I won't run over their darling little brats. That's right its couples with babies - again - this time though they refuse to move out of the way! speeding through crowds as if the pram is a battering ram? what is the point? what makes these types of people the worst ... subject breaker!!!

There are exceptions of course, couples who walk slowly through crowds trying not to run over peoples feet or cause harm, these people are fine its the other lot who... subjects returner!!!

...Barrel down a corridor two a breast and expect you to move, again why should I? your a parent congratulations! your seed works/you Va-J-J can bore a spawn *clap, clap* but don't think for a second you have right of way, be polite and sure you can pass but if you take liberties that's a separate issue. for example, during the Christmas fireworks in my home town I was on my way to a restaurant the place was packed with people watching the fireworks and moving through the crowds was tough and slow but pretty explosions kept me amused, then I saw a single mother slowly moving through the crowds tapping people and saying "excuse me please" and people were happy to move out of the way, even me someone who hates children i thought maybe I was wrong and not everyone with prams has a vendetta to get somewhere faster then... wait who's this? not two minutes after the first woman had passed another single mother with pram and three of her brood came racing between the crowd she was running over peoples feet and had a storm of anger hurled at her back which reasserted my opinion of these people... the fact the stupid trailer trash ran over my own foot was little biased.... I smacked the last child and called her a douse C***

...so I balanced it out, right?

Screaming chidren should be Gagged!

This is my first blog and I'm off to a swinging start clearly by starting it on a high note of bashing children... a sentence that could easily be misunderstood... an anti children post then would be a less suspect description, but I digress.

Not owning any children, or having any young siblings I am somewhat biased against little brats...I mean bundles of snot.... I mean kiddies. Regardless I do not see the point of carrying around a screaming child, I can't be the only one who hate this, nothing grates my sanity more then having to put up with a bellowing baby or young child whilst the parent does nothing.

We the poor non-parents of those snots must endure as we cannot do anything as it is not YOUR child and the parent will see this as an excuse for conflict and everything suddenly gets out of hand and cops are called and its very messy. Why bring them out if you know they are going to be trouble, parents of small children should ask themselves; would they like to be locked into a thing on wheels as strangers roll past , and you enter strange buildings that are hot, loud and crowded... No... then don't come into my bloody store then. I can't be too anti-parenting as there are some good parents in the world, the parents whose idea of getting their child to be quite was to shove a pair of socks down it's mouth properly aren't one of them (that is not an exaggeration, or faked). Working in a store however is one thing as they only there as long as the parents are and after awhile they disappear and it is true that not all children are little buggers when they come into the store, granted the majority are so fast asleep that a raging typhoon wouldn't wake them, but still at least they are being quiet.

Therefore the option is simple, either one parent stays at home and looks after the child, a baby sitter (either hired, neighbour, or older sibling) looks after them OR you feed them a lot of sugar before you leave the house so that they have a heavy sugar crash by the time they reach the shops.
OR I could invest in better Earplugs.