Harry Houdini's Buggy

Now if you don't know who Harry Houdini is then go to Google now and look it up as the somewhat clever title will be lost on you. also not knowing who he is makes you a bit of a moron on the same par as those people who don't know who Genghis khan or Stalin is. You'd think, "haha, how can someone not know who Stalin is?" You'd think that but people are R-tards.

As the tags hint this is yet another mother/child bashing blog, but not to worry it will be one of the last as my 'friends list' has been suffering for it. which obviously is soul destroying for me - as a way to shift the direct hatred for some of the stuff I'm about to write it was a subject suggested by my manager a number of weeks ago.

Without further ado...

I work in a clothing retail store, so the shop floor has rails both free standing, against the walls and also a number of tables (with which to hold folded clothes) dotted about the place, this is also not to mention the pillars that are required for wiring and of cause making the place structurally sound - or to support the fat cats above (NB. please don't fire me, for the love of God don't fire me). So moving around the place is difficult at the best of time, this is not to mention when you throw customers into the mix with shopping bags and the stuff they are hopefully soon to buy and not just go through the motions with us. remaining polite whilst dodging customers who stop and start - will have long conversations in groups - is difficult at the best of time, then you apply buggies with kids and if you've been following and reading these blogs from the beginning you'll know buggies and myself don't mix, however I can see the use to them and/or the point to having and using buggies around the place... for the most part.

However, why should I move out of the way, or get up off of the floor - from where I was folding (still trying to keep my job) and/or staking a low shelf - for someone with an ASDA bag in the buggy starring at me! its not even as if the child is with the pram either, more often them not there is no child within a 10feet radius. This is far worse then there actually being a child there, I mind but I don't mind as much if moving out of the way will remove this smelly, crying child from my presence. There is barely enough room for a pram/buggy to go through shops without having their shopping spilling out and having their screaming kid in arm - who is only screaming as they are hot and tired from being booted out of their nice and comfy seat for a loaf of bread!

This rant idea was supplied by my Manager - somewhat proof that I'm not the only person who thinks this way. (NB: remember, don't fire me, you senior managers are lovely people)

Bonus section - This is further evidence about the bane that is Buggies/prams. I was at a bullfight

(Interestingly which was a misunderstanding, it is not actually a bull fight, it is meant to be called a bull dance, which is why the matadors jump, swoosh and move around the bull. though it is dancing with a definitive point at the end - see what I did there)

I was at a bullfight, where this fellow walked past us an something about him caught my eye, it wasn't just that he had two very young children following himself and his wife but also that he was carrying something. upon zooming in with my camera i discovered that it was a damn pram!! and that there was an even smaller kid holding the mothers hand. Why are you here?! firstly why have you brought your very young children to an event where *puts on Jigsaw voice* there will be blood. secondly why have you brought the pram in with you? there is no where to put it down, every step is in fact a seat and they are numbered, where do you think that thing will be going during the event when the place fills up. utter mourn.

Next blog is the Olympic Special, supplied by co-workers.

Fast Zombies is CHEATING

Although I have already lost this argument  - Not from being wrong of cause, but to being lazy and unwilling to finish the argument off.  However I stand by my point that Zombies that can full out sprint (Non-stop), is unfair.

So to bore you further...

Now I'll clarify my view here: Should the increasingly (Un)thinkable occur, where the Zombie invasion occurs and a Zombie outbreak happens - maybe "Bath salts" will be the trigger and the world will go to crap and the dead walk and eat your flesh - In terms of  things being 'fair' and realistic (As fair and realistic as Zombies are) Zombies should not be able to flat out sprint.
To once again clarify I'm talking about Zombies or undead, not infected people... although an infectious disease is the more likely cause of a Zombie like state. For example the Zombies in the Walking Dead series are the preferable Zombie Scenario (And I'll get to my love of these Zombies later).

The type of infected I'm referring to here, that are not Zombies are such infected as in '28 whatevers later'. Firstly, this is a terrible film that I found boring and tedious (don't get me started on the sequel). These are infected and not Zombies, however the point still stands that the speed at which these buggers get up to is massively unfair and of cause unrealistic, So Not only has the world gone to shit and seemingly the entirety of the UK is in quarantine, with survivors being limited to a bar handful, but ALSO the bastards that can infect you and eat you  - which was never overly explained, they have rabies? or Rage, but they eat flesh? WTF? - Can sprint you down! they also don't seem to get tired, take the scene up the apartment building where the two main characters are heading towards a light source. Out of nowhere these infected sprint up a mountain of trolleys (which to be fair is a reasonable barricade), up maybe 16 floors and still catch up to the heels of the main character before they even reach safety. Come on, I'm a fairly slender guy who goes jogging often and I couldn't do that, Uzan Bolt couldn't do that! - if he was a infected in 28 dodgy effects later how, then screw it, fuck survival, just suicide.

This is the infected scenario which although more likely in how a virus will wipe us poor sods out, is extremely unfair, but that is only on a national scale. Zombification is often on a world wide pandemic scale where nearly all 6.6 billion of us are shuffling flesh eating rotting corpses and each landmass has a massive Zombie presence. It stands to reason in terms of what is fair and realistic that these Zombies are slow moving, because they are dead and rotting, so it would makes sense that they cannot move at the same speed as their bodies are breaking down!
Yes fresh Zombies should be able to move faster, but the environment and person that is Zombified should also effect the speed of them. Every single one should not be able to run you down, as the main fear of Zombies comes from being hopelessly alone as you slowly get surrounded with no escape.

This is why the Zombies in the Walking Dead Series are awesome and in my mind one of the best representation of Zombies so far, they are everywhere, move slowly except when you are a few feet away where they do this quickened shuffle - which shows their excitement and wanting to eat you - which is fair your outnumbered to hell, gunshots attract these things, and they don't stop moving forward in "herds" so your still screwed in terms of the worlds at its end but you have a chance to at least out run them and flee to a degree of safety, but as they don't stop following you no where is truly safe. However my only issue with them is that they can still climb ladders? which is another thing they shouldn't be able to do, as everything has its limits there has to be limits in the natural order of things, Zombies should not have the cognitive ability to climb up ladders...

Ramblings aside in terms of the balanced Zombie, beyond all the crap in films and games where everyone has a different origin story, there should be limits that balance the odds. Zombies should not be able to full out sprint after you, they should decompose as time passes by, weather and who is a Zombie should effect them (in terms of speed, and other such traits), they should not be able to climb ladders or pull them selves up and over something, stairs should pose comical issues for them, fire is a no-no (the feel no pain n00b).

This has turned into one of the longest blogs so I'll stop here, but always remember kids remove the head or destroy the brain is your only salvation when Zombies shuffle.

Contact/Follow me on Twitter: https://twitter.com/Drake_Best for updates on these blogs, further ramblings and should you want to drop suggestions for me.

Updates & Mothers + Social Networks = Blarg!

Hello chaps, female-chaps and Thai lady chaps, no I'm not joking I have checked my hits and there's one from Thailand... Woo Crossed the Atlantic or whatever the name of that body of water might be.

Sooo welcome to the Update portion of this blog, not to worry I will be bashing mothers in no time.

I apologise for missing another week without this, but I've a few things in the mix and free time approaching. Woo!
And lastly (See that was, what 12seconds?) at the bottom of each blog either in brackets '()' or hyphens '-' will be the title of the Next blog, not just to bring you my lovely readers back but also to act as an incentive for me, as I've 5? ish lining up behind this one, but without further a do ....

Mothers... Just... Mothers. If you didn't get it from my first blog/rant Mothers, there children and I just don't mix well. Obviously! should I meet a spouse who is willing to receive my love child Im sure my opinion of everyone else will remain the same, but her and my spawn will be stitched into my heart and I will beat anyone who places scorn upon them... BUT! That is not the case and I will carry on regardless...

My Issue this week is to do with the increase in people that I know or rather are 'friends' with on social networking sites giving birth or getting pregnant. Right off the bat I don't want people throwing hate at me, its nothing personal, Ive more than one social networking site and there are at least fours mothers/mothers to be on each... However! Now I'd like someone to explain a trend to me.
 Taking photographs of your new born child, or the Sonogram photos and then posting them on these sites? Repeatedly! I'm all for saying congratulations to new mothers, The First Time! but not the 12th or 20th time, it gets really boring and there is only so many 'cute' posses you can put babies in when they're that old and keep still keep people interested. It gets to a point where the posts end up shouted in your face. "LOOK WHAT I MADE!, LOOK ITS WEARING A PRETTY HAT!! ITS SO CUTE11692*exclamation mark*".

I'll admit when or rather if I have a kid I'll maybe post a thing-y once, maybe with picture.. jokingly saying, "The condom broke and after 9months *insert name here* has arrived kicking and screaming... and i couldn't be happier" followed by maybe a photo of the wife with child - thats the main issue really it wouldn't be so bad were it the baby... and someone else, anyone... even a baby and a dog is better then the kid on its own - after that one photo, you want to see my kid, come round and say hi, introduce yourself to the kid. Don't comment saying how sweet it is, I may have just spawned the next Renaissance but not even Albert Einstein couldn't read an hour after birth.

I get it though, you love your kid, there is nothing wrong with that, but do we need to see them in a new pose every five minutes?

It may be because I am old fashioned but  I don't want poopie photos of me when I was a kid knocking around the internet giving anyone the opportunity to see these photo, it could harm me either socially or politically in later life. ask yourself this, you got drunk in your past clearly, it might have been the cause for why you were conceived (hey it was for me) would you really want those photos to be seen by your children? or Bosses. It will be the same for them looking at yourself from when you were a baby gets boring after awhile.

Oh and I have laugh as most people who post a large amount of photos of their kids have their privacy settings really low, come on your just make things easier for the paedophiles.

(- Next Time : Fast Moving Zombies IS CHEATING -)

Subway My Divinty

So this is two months old - I've just finished it - there’ll be a few more coming up so stay tuned and keep linking.

Those that know me and have the somewhat dishonour to take lunch with me realise that: I. Fucking. Love. Subway. Literally love it, I love it more than some of the people I’ve dated (I May regret saying that later).

But I Digress ... It’s not just the food though that I like, as in short it’s just a sandwich - which is toasted and has cheese on it and is awesome – it’s also the personality of the subway that you are in that adds to the enjoyment. As after all Subway is a franchises and not one in my town is the same; some large, some small, some fun, some crap. In my particular town (centre-ish) there are about five Subways in my town, and I’m somewhat proud to say that I have visited all of them, and broken them down into their pros and cons, because, well why the hell not and I have an afternoon to slaughter.

Below is a review of subway locations in my home town that I have currently visited.

Broad Street mall – This is next to a model or collectors shop, which has the weirdest assortment of stuff I have ever seen, there is crap in there I suppose I could call ‘toys’ but I may get beaten to death by strategy board gamers, or whatever the hell they want to call themselves. Anyway to the subway itself, it is surprisingly large inside, as from the dirty and cramped outside (a busy bus stop on its doorstep) on the inside, it stretches roughly 25feet and has a decent amount of seating, the window seats are rubbish though as they are often taken up by people wanting somewhere to sit whilst waiting for the bus (not that the view is mush to speak of) it has an average speed staff to cope with the large ques, which is good the down side mainly being that by far it is the hottest subway in the entire town and that some of the staff just guess at your order

Gun street – annoyingly no guns on sale there, clearly the damn should be changed to something more appropriate like watch where the hell you step street, nowhere else in my town is there a more uneven road, it is a pain in the arse even when sober to walk down it. Anyway, this subway has to be one of my favourite subways in all of Reading by no means is it the largest, there are only four tables and maybe 12 chairs but the people who work there are the nicest people I’ve met and they actually listen your order And better yet they are the most likely to offer extra cheese for free should you not have salad – as salad is gay – so if you’re new to subway then that is the best place to start as there is often almost no que so take you time.

Reading Station – Only found this one recently, within the last month actually and I have to say it has the nicest bread... ever! All the other places the staff have a tendency to mess up the bread either because the toaster is set weird or they end up crushing it, so your epic sandwich is now a mush. Along the other draw backs are that it’s in the station so often busy, the view can be nice sometimes if it’s sunny out and during the festival otherwise it’s a bloody train station you get what you see. Another problem is that the staff doesn’t listen and there is a marginal mark up in price. And when I say they don’t listen I mean they don’t understand, how hard is chicken and cheese toasted difficult not only did I get a lot of what’s? Back at me but also I ended up getting a double cheese AND double chicken it was the biggest and most difficult sandwich to eat EVER! The other reason why it was a difficult sandwich is that I got charged £8.90! I was on my lunch break so I couldn’t even send it back.

Riverside – this is the best one if you aren’t eating alone like a loner as it has star buck esquire comfy seats to chow down you tasty nom-wich and the staff is nice and – if you flirt with the vendors – you can get free cheese, the issue is that it is surrounded by large offices so the lines are often long, but the views can be nice as you watch the world go by.

Friar street – This is the worst of the lot though, rude staff, who don’t listen... I SAID NO SALAD! What do I get salad...Bastards, avoid this subway.

What’s annoying is that I haven’t visited all the subways in my town *sad face*, I still have roughly 4-5 more to visit and test the atmosphere, and I’m sure that there will be new combinations of food I haven’t tasted yet, which is great I don’t know what my future will hold with regards to subway.

But I know that there won’t be any salad in it though. Fuck Salad! ¬.¬

Welcome to the end of this long blog! as your here why don't you like and check out:
http://www.facebook.com/leftieee

and
http://www.facebook.com/AaronsWayPodcast ... click it and enjoy (Y)

Doodling Left Handed Plugs

Ahaaa the title caught your eye I see, well I'm not exactly drawing left handed plugs because that would be the strangest images ever. I mean plugs don't have hands, they have prongs or "Ow you plugging bastard pointy bits" as they are reffered to when stepped upon. No in fact to became the points whore that I am I need to plug my work like a boss. doing so means I have to plug other peoples work shamelessly as to get them to do the same.

The first plug is "A page dedicated to the musical musings of me(Leftie). Whether its reviews, writings, covers or just stuff you can check out. Here's the place to be"  http://www.facebook.com/#!/leftieee now this page is up and comer so definitely one to look at for musical musings and that alternate side of thinking, show some love, like and a view or two.


The second plug is more shameful as I had to pretty much get down on my knees and beg for him to plug me, I had to do one or two unspeakable things involving a pensioner, a rocking chair, trilby hat and penguin : http://www.trilbygamer.thecomicseries.com/ another up and comer but this ones is in the web comic side of the Internet and has a thrilling story arc currently going on so I'd definitely suggest checking both of these two out as they will definitely provide your more entertainment than a 300 word plug-a-thon.






Now that you've been plugged return my penguin and dignity !!!

Porn and the Right to view

Now there are a number of good things about being a man or boy depending on how old you are reading this and your personal opinion but that’s beside the point to be honest because hey, being a guy is pretty damned good. I could go on about the inequalities in society where men get paid more than women - because we work harder at it d'uhhh - or how we are just plain awesome but there are enough feminists in the world doing this already and it makes fairly boring reading...

So my angle, which not many have done before or they might have but not in this way. Is. PORN!!
Now there is no doubt in my mind that women do watch porn too, come on be serious ladies if you haven't seen it yourself then you’re more than likely to know of it. Now firstly it doesn't exploit the women as hey - they get paid to lay on their backs and who on earth wouldn't lie on their back and get 20K+?? No one, for lying there and moaning you get paid. So that gets any misguided points of view out the way.

Now to the point, which are being the pleasures of being a man and porn. Firstly it is somewhat socially acceptable for a guy to watch porn, so there's a big old win there. the second and most important is that porn was created for men to watch, now it’s not always just about finding it arousing some of the stuff out there is just funny, a bounce through a favourite website unearthed - some interesting, some funny and some damn right strange videos that firstly people have made and secondly that people have got off to. There’s.... midgets, obese woman, foot porn, horse porn, the Japanese favourite tentacle porn, dog porn, gay vampire porn (Twinklight, don't ask), old man porn, old women porn, interracial, gang porn, gangsta porn....

The list goes on and on even to the extent where games have porn made after them - as I was unfortunately informed by a customer whilst working in GAME, left4dead game... Left4Head on the other hand, porn. Now whether you watch this for arousal or like me watch due to finding it so very, very funny …

Besides in terms of procrastination it beats doing the work.

Free hugs and beeping birds

Another day equals another day in the world of work and this week is a mix of actually happiness and annoyance - whats that your shocked, I'm not going to be complaining all the time, heaven forbid, but don't worry Jew-burgers I'm still the same angry, old-aged, middle class, racist youth. (Y)

Any who...
Happiness first, The 'Free Hugs' T-shirt is finally mine, thanks to the very awesome fellow employee (no names though he's a famous sheep), and if any of y'all see me in it, then a free hug could be yours... well either that or a little something extra if you are attractive. Ever the opportunist.

Now that's done with, time for the weekly piss take, which this time is beeping watches, now these watches have a settable beeper, unfortunately these are set at different times on all and/or all the watches are set to different times so one will go off, and then another and then suddenly you are surrounded in a cacophony of chirping watches and a headache of bleats that after awhile scratches at the mind. woo see that imagery. for those without imagination this pissed me off, not something to have a hangover near as it pierces any amount of painkillers. made worse of course by there being hundreds of the things its like being in a bird sanctuary and having no hunting licence.

The thing is, this isn't a petty irritation, as when these watches are manufactured they don't actually have the alarms set, for obvious reasons that it would A. drain the power and B. in this terror filled world, would a seemingly beeping and ticking box get through?
 So once more it falls on dickish customers, usually teens as well - the ones who think it'll be funny to set the watches alarms to go off one minute after each other - if I didn't have to put up with it I'd have thought that is a very sneaky and clever way to be annoying, but its one of those funny when watching not suffering through.

 For example on a icy day at my old school, a first year ran across the road slipped, landed on his side then slide for about 3seconds, crashing into the curb on the other side.... that's very funny, I nearly died laughing of course the kid wasn't... come to think of it neither were my friends.
 Hmmm, maybe there is something wrong with me - Oh well.