Watching Out There's A Year Ahead

Yet another post where I mention midnight  and/or the minute past minute, as at a minute past midnight tonight we will be saying goodbye to the year that has past us by and a soft hello to the new a one.

I would hope 2013 to be more interesting but after this year’s events I’d prefer a more boring one to be honest. 2012 has seen martyrs made, dictators killed, countries liberated, floods, tsunamis, tropical storms, more floods, hurricane after hurricane, I've made new friends, new lovers, lost lovers, angered friends, excommunicated people, tried my hand at office work, served 500 customers (and disappointed 80% of them), visited Newbury, Barcelona and Spain, turned 20, went to euro-gamer and comic con, watched the Olympics and wrote 27 posts on here.

After all this what do I have to show for it you ask, well to boil down a long list - Disinterest, boredom, happiness, depression, depression, sun burn, Euros, more boredom, laughter, disinterest and several posts on the internet... hmm, so much for boiling down a long list. 

Despite these mild niggling’s 2012 was mostly entertaining, therefore 2013 should be better... well I say that as I've already set up plans for 2013 – yet another list –

-         A number of pub times

-         A tour of Japan

-         A tour of London’s financial district (not    by choice)

-         A trip to Southampton

-         The opening of a new church

-         Comic con 2013

-         Euro gamer 2013

-         Comic con (again, because Y.O.L.O)

-         Office work / paid work

-         Writing a new post every Monday

... And a bunch of other equally fun events, as wide and varied as a donkey penis competition ... actually that sounds like fun, I think I’ll add that to the list of things to do.

As for things not to do (aha great segway right) ... I plan on not being such a hermit next year – which is counter-productive to the next resolution which is to do more video posts, that’ll work out somehow. With my last resolution and written contractual promise via the internet is to do more exercise, instead of being the brain of a jock in a nerd’s body that I am.

But with me running out of decent things worth typing about and my pint getting warm, I wish everyone a happy new year, and good luck with your equally bullshit resolutions.

Twitter: https://twitter.com/Drake_Best 

WAKE UP! IT'S (the slightly late) CHRISTMAS (post) !!

This was meant to be a video post but... That failed, so lets carry on regardless.

Christmas has been and gone and I sincerely hope y'all had a merry one. Drinking lots and entering a meaty coma at the end.

Now I know when Christmas day is - its usually between the dates of December 24th and December 26th, often spanning across a whole 24hrs - I would hope that the rest of you know when this date is.

 Now lets bare in mind that despite Christmas officially starting after midnight on December 25th I will likely be asleep for the first 6/7 hours sleeping off the night before. You also might want to take into account that I suffer from mild insomnia (Which means it takes an arse age for me to get to sleep. if I can at all)

So imagine my disdain at 00:01 on Christmas day when some arse bandit decided to phone me! and inform me of the time and/or the day with - "Yo! DRAKE-IE! IT'S CHRISTMAS MOTHERFUCKA, HAPPY NEW CHRISTMAS MAN, HOPE YOU HAVE a good one!"... For starters sir. You are an Anus. You also woke me up just as I was on the edge of drifting off to the land of nod. then the wave of texts started, merry Christmas, have a good day dude, etc... all within the space of about 5 minutes. Did these people wait for the minutes to tick over till midnight and hit that mass send button. thank you for taking time out of your evening to add me into your mass text, you clearly decided  these people won't be asleep yet, these people will count me further for messaging them in the dead of night. Ill do it on their birthdays as well that will make them feel far better, its not like they have work in the morning, or will thank me as much if I text them during a normal time (normal meaning after 9am ... and not after 10pm smart ass).

Birthdays are the same, its okay if you you wish some well in the morning or if your like me and forget till you at the pub and its in the closing hours of the day, its fine as they are likely to still be awake, but the midnight before. No, please, just no. I like my sleep just as much as I enjoy surviving another year on this planet, but I don't want to be reminded whilst I'm catching those final Z's of my previous year, I am well informed that a minute past is my birthday, but seeing as I was born around 2, y'all are a little early.

The only exception though is new years day, where it is all likelihood that the entire planet is awake at midnight and beyond (Except for squares of cause) so yes message them saying congratulations on surviving another circumference of the sun, but Christmas's  and birthday's kindly wait till the middle of the day guys, I won't think any less of you - in fact I'll think more of you as you have restraint, well done. Gold star.

Oh and we survived the end of the world... So it looks like I'll have to hold off on buying everyone in existence a drink. Get you next time.

https://twitter.com/Drake_Best

The World (Doesnt) End at Midnight

The ticking clock at your desk reads 23:59 and you watch as the final moments draw to an end, each second drips and oozes with the same slow witted pace as rush hour traffic. The moments slow and collide into one another. Breathe held tight as you prepare to embrace the cataclysm. 00:00 your last minute has arrived, 60 seconds to live, do you hug your lover, kiss your pets, or stand middle-fingers raised to great the red sky... 00:01, 00:02... 00:10? What’s this? Were the ancient Myan’s wrong? My God, we’re saved!

 Then some smart arse points out the Myan calendar would end at 11:10 here in the UK due to the time zone differences... oops, damn we only get to have breakfast and maybe some brunch, the Aussies get lunch, dinner, and some supper. Now that’s just not fair... right let’s start again then...

The ticking clock at your desk reads 11:09 and you watch as the final moments draw to an end, you’re bored now though, you were ready for the world to end at midnight, that girl who is now pregnant, because you just had to have unsafe sex didn’t you, and now you’ve got an itch, isn’t that a bugger? Went out with a bang, came back with some souvenirs, what time is it now? Crap! 11:12 I’ve missed the end of the apocalyp... Oh God damn it!

Yup, those gosh darn Myan’s fooled us again, the world won’t end on the 21^st, do you want to know why the Myan calendar ends on the 21^st, because Barry couldn’t be arsed to finish it off that day, I’ll do it tomorrow he said, I’ve already calculated 3000+ years. I’ll do the rest tomorrow, or Wednesday actually, got a date with Cindy from the sacrificing pits, like to stick something in her. What are the odds of me - the only person clever enough to work out these dates die after getting it on with the high priestess who sacrifices people for a day job.

So Friday will pass us by without incident, besides all those annoying tweets and statuses, and I will have a jolly 22^nd, and 23^rd Etc... Etc... Until the day I get booted down to hell and the river sticks, but that will hopefully be a number of decades away.

Unless the world realy does end Friday, and Oh won’t my face be red.

 First round’s on me in hell if I’m wrong too.

Mini-Buggy Bothers

Bastard of Joy

Oh no, not another anti-mother post.

Stop. Move your hand away from that 'close tap' button. As this is a post with a difference, this post focuses on an even smaller menance in the buggy form ...

I am of course refering to the incrediblly irritating ... Toy push chair.

Now once again I'd like to direct the hate slightly away from myself and tell the story of my manager at work, who suggested this menance to me. It's not all me, Honest.

He was on lunch one day during a perticularrily hard days work, and decided to storll towards the local eatery to grab a bite and head back. enjoying the mostly mild weather. When suddenly his world was shattered by a sudden and repeated soaring pain in his heel. A little bastard of joy was ramming its bright pink (EMPTY) Toy pushchair into his heel - Not only was it a toy but the toy baby (similar to the one pictured) was missing! He was being assaulted by an empty pushchair.

With the mother - Oh bugger, back on mothers again - doing nothing, except stop and stare at him as if daring him to 'tri samthin' . of course he could not do anything - even though a lesser man (I.e Me) would have flipped either the child or chair over, but apparently the mother would have taken offense to this. Apparently assualting someone with a toy pushchair is socially acceptable.

Therefore it must be socially acceptable for me to murder someone with a bright pink pushchair, so long as it is empty - after all we wouldnt want to get that plastic baby dirty.

However we can be thankfully that no one has invented a double wide toy pushchair ... I mean that would be a crazy idea right?




OH GOD WHAT HAVE THEY DONE!!



Suggest @: https://twitter.com/Drake_Best

There Is a Vegan Option Norman

Recently (meaning it happened within the same month, or at a point in history) I heard an report that a number of Americans where turning towards vegan-ism (its an ethos right?), something I found hilariously ironic for a country that possibly eats the largest amount of meat in the world - and no that is not an overt dick sucking joke, as after all it is other countries that suck on America's throbbing member.

Another suggested piece by a fellow employee - beep, boop, At the best place to work ever - Speaking of, you should suggest some yourself, and you know what? Do it now, here :https://twitter.com/Drake_Best: No  don't read further, just do it... I can wait...
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What took you so long? And I was talking to the pretty one, but sigh you'll do...

Now that, that flow breaker is out of the way, we can continue. Last month where I neglected to put any post (because I'm lazy, deal with it), I made a new friend whilst on lunch His name was Norman, and seeing how I was trapped and mid-way through my SUBWAY! I could hardly get up and leave. I liked Norman though as he hated everything as well and after a few discussions on my favourite topics we moved on to vegetarian's (somehow) and then Vegans. Now my colleague at work suggested writing about them last month as did the news report but, Norman reminded me of it and posed a good conversation which although made me late stopped me from getting wet.

Norman tells the story of how one day his friend moved to being a vegetarian - which is fair, I've  a few friends who where/are veggies its there choice and more meat for the rest of us right? - well then the next day Norman's friend turned into a Vegan and under hushed tones "a massive arsehole". As he had switched into a "tree-hugging, hippie" who wouldn't eat with other meat eaters because he didn't want to think of all the animals that had to suffer. Which I guess makes sense, its his prerogative after all, but then this was followed by Norman's friend not eating anything which came into contact with meat, he wouldn't use glue and wear anything which was made from any form of animal products! He had become, A Vegan.

What!! But it's cold and woollen jumpers are warm! That makes limited sense to me: being a red-blooded, meat eating manly man of course, but I can understand veggies. After all there are some who eat fish, some who can eat some chicken etc... etc... and for the most part they aren't dicks about it they are aware that you may not be a veggie but won't make a big thing about it. think of it this way, if you were having a dinner party and you knew you had veggies coming well you'd make a veggie menu, I've no idea of the specifics but I know salad and veggies are an option. Boom! here is your salad whilst I eat my cheese burger. This is easy and talking about being a veggie is a stimulating conversation especially if they were a fellow meat eater and decided to change. its interesting - mostly.

However much like my run in with the bible basher, I dislike vegans who seem to want to convert other people to their side of things, back to the dinner party analogy a paragraph ago. If a veggie had a dinner party and they had meat eaters over, they would offer some meat, granted it wouldn't be a full English or Sunday dinner but a degree of meat to be had. Vegan's dinner party. No meat allowed!

Is this the pinnacle of our society? that the opposable  thumb, spear, sword, fork and gun powder has propelled humans to such a height on the food chain, that people don't want to bother eating those below them? the argument is that they don't want animals to suffer and that humans aren't meant to eat animals 0. o are you high sir? why do we have canines in our arsenal of shiny teeth? if not to tear the fleas from bone. Cows have to be milked to keep them healthy, but some vegans want to propelled the safety of those animals above humans.

Given the opportunity a many number of the carnivorous creatures in the eco-system would snap up a human, we have no claws, no real thick skin, limited fur (unless your Italian  HEY-YO!!!) a straight up fight. we're screwed. However, we have a brain, and the adaptability to use that pointy stick.

 In the battle of survival of the fittest, it is not the strongest, the fastest or the biggest who wins, but it is he who is most adaptable to the situation. alternatively of course we were given a choice in this life and although Vegans choose their way I'll still have my fries with a side mountain of steak.

Suggested by Bengie and Norman