Just Don't Ask Me

If you ask a stupid question, then a stupid answer is what you'll get and coming from a town where the knuckles can be heard scrapping on the floor from the next town over. Many-a stupud question is asked of me, especially at work. Woo Back to form! - Well if you can call whining about work and customers form but still, what you see is what you get.

Another piece suggested by fellow co-workers amoungst an unstoppable tide of idioms (not all of which coming from me). So before I begin I had better get shooting myself in the foot out the way now before some smart arse decides to mention it the next time we're at the pub in front of something scrummy. Yes I'm talking to you Ben.

Like most things context is everything but what happened boils down to this: Good Friday is one of those delightful days known as a bank holiday and brilliant in that it is technically a day off - unless you work in retail, or a pub, or a supermark... is it really a bank holiday? banks are closed by 5 on Fridays anyway... Oh well... With pubs still being open, a pub dinner was suggested and being someone who enjoys beer, chicken and good company I said yes. However as this question was asked about 2 weeks before and lacking (common sense and) a calendar, I had to as the question "What day is Friday?"... Now you my think this a stupid question and out of context it is - though even in context its still pretty low brow. I'd like to justify myself here by saying that, I meant WHEN is good Friday?... in terms of, how far away from this specific date, but sigh, that day has gone and past and there are far better silly questions that get asked in an average day.

There's a difference between asking a silly question that makes you look like a tit Example A: above, and then there's those irritating questions that get repeated and asked near-every-single-day. These also have the same answer to them, which are just as irritating and feel like your dragging your brain behind you in a soggy sack through a cactus factory. (No i don't know where i was going with all these similies either).
Lets see if you can guess the questions they ask from my normal answers:


Check the price tag.
The price tags on the other side.
Where ever you found it.
Is the original price crossed out? then what do you think?
Not unless you lose about 10 stone.
Twat size.
Sure just let me put on my Indiana Johns outfit.
No, I just felt like wearing an all black, monogrammed shirt whilst folding shirts in an arbitary fashion.

And now for the Questions....

How much is this?

Where's the price of this?

Where are these?

Is everything on here reduced?

Does this fit me?

What size do you think I am?

Go check the back room for this?

Do you work here?

I'll just let you compare both Q&A and have a quick chuckle. As there is no doubt that you get customers who have, will and won't stop asking you these questions. However all kudos go to the question that gets asked at least four times a shift by every single member and is the one I gave the best witty remark to. Do you work here? This gets annoying fast on a long day as you both have to do that awkward little laugh as you'd both look pretty damn stupid if you didn't work there. It's a fair question to ask in places where there is no direct uniform, for example in times past my uniform at work used to be black shirt, tie and black trousers, so your kind of unsure if they work there. Especially if you approach someone from behind (giggity)  and they are wearing all black, it could be they're stopping off after a funeral - which may sound unlikely but they do not enjoy being asked where the tills are after a death in the family.

Now though we have monogrammed shirts, much like other stores, as well as lanyards  which say our names in big size 14 letters, yet people STILL ask if you work there. There is always the temptation in my head to give the very similar response to being asked "Are you awake?" at 1am - No, Now fuck off and bother someone else. 

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Updates & Mothers + Social Networks = Blarg!

Hello chaps, female-chaps and Thai lady chaps, no I'm not joking I have checked my hits and there's one from Thailand... Woo Crossed the Atlantic or whatever the name of that body of water might be.

Sooo welcome to the Update portion of this blog, not to worry I will be bashing mothers in no time.

I apologise for missing another week without this, but I've a few things in the mix and free time approaching. Woo!
And lastly (See that was, what 12seconds?) at the bottom of each blog either in brackets '()' or hyphens '-' will be the title of the Next blog, not just to bring you my lovely readers back but also to act as an incentive for me, as I've 5? ish lining up behind this one, but without further a do ....

Mothers... Just... Mothers. If you didn't get it from my first blog/rant Mothers, there children and I just don't mix well. Obviously! should I meet a spouse who is willing to receive my love child Im sure my opinion of everyone else will remain the same, but her and my spawn will be stitched into my heart and I will beat anyone who places scorn upon them... BUT! That is not the case and I will carry on regardless...

My Issue this week is to do with the increase in people that I know or rather are 'friends' with on social networking sites giving birth or getting pregnant. Right off the bat I don't want people throwing hate at me, its nothing personal, Ive more than one social networking site and there are at least fours mothers/mothers to be on each... However! Now I'd like someone to explain a trend to me.
 Taking photographs of your new born child, or the Sonogram photos and then posting them on these sites? Repeatedly! I'm all for saying congratulations to new mothers, The First Time! but not the 12th or 20th time, it gets really boring and there is only so many 'cute' posses you can put babies in when they're that old and keep still keep people interested. It gets to a point where the posts end up shouted in your face. "LOOK WHAT I MADE!, LOOK ITS WEARING A PRETTY HAT!! ITS SO CUTE11692*exclamation mark*".

I'll admit when or rather if I have a kid I'll maybe post a thing-y once, maybe with picture.. jokingly saying, "The condom broke and after 9months *insert name here* has arrived kicking and screaming... and i couldn't be happier" followed by maybe a photo of the wife with child - thats the main issue really it wouldn't be so bad were it the baby... and someone else, anyone... even a baby and a dog is better then the kid on its own - after that one photo, you want to see my kid, come round and say hi, introduce yourself to the kid. Don't comment saying how sweet it is, I may have just spawned the next Renaissance but not even Albert Einstein couldn't read an hour after birth.

I get it though, you love your kid, there is nothing wrong with that, but do we need to see them in a new pose every five minutes?

It may be because I am old fashioned but  I don't want poopie photos of me when I was a kid knocking around the internet giving anyone the opportunity to see these photo, it could harm me either socially or politically in later life. ask yourself this, you got drunk in your past clearly, it might have been the cause for why you were conceived (hey it was for me) would you really want those photos to be seen by your children? or Bosses. It will be the same for them looking at yourself from when you were a baby gets boring after awhile.

Oh and I have laugh as most people who post a large amount of photos of their kids have their privacy settings really low, come on your just make things easier for the paedophiles.

(- Next Time : Fast Moving Zombies IS CHEATING -)