Random Add z z z z z zzz

Requested by Declan. Sort of - I'll get to the ducks and army of thumbs shortly ...

With my friends list hovering somewhat steadily at 172 (damn thing wont move), I should choose my words carefully and be aware of what I say as to not insult too many of you, especially as a many number of those 172 are; from my local area, know where I work and are within thumbing distance. However something that  I agree with this Declan fellow is about new RANDOM people that add you. Now I know aesthetically speaking, I'm the bees knees - come on look at that sexy self portrait - but I still don't fully understand random adders.

Sexy self

These are the people I know I have never met before, just adding and then saying nothing. In fact the only thing for the most part they do say is "herp, thanks for the addz", thanks for making the effort of cut and pasting the same arbitrary thank you, that you send to everyone else in your upwards of 2'000 friends list. Who the heck knows and actively speaks to that many people, I understand that going through life and thanks to these bloody things  you pick up people every know and then, for example on the street or at a party - odds on your doubtful to continue speaking to this person after the add - But get rid of them, surely your feeds are filled with a noise of people, the amount of stupid must be deafening (I know this will undoubtedly add to the noise of retard) when links get thrown and pounded down your throats, not to even mention the Bi-polar disorder that all statuses become. Have you ever pinged down your feed on valentines day? It's a sea of "forever alones" and *high pitched voice* "Oooo I couldn't be happier *INSERT NUMBER OF MONTHS* With my hubby and still going strong" - I'm Glad there's the new timeline feature as especially for people who have had a number of relationships that can go through each year, look back in hindsight and refer to themselves as dicks.

However I suppose I should get back to the request, which I've somewhat segway'd into with linking stuff and posting things, such as photos - jumping on a dopey and ageing bandwagon the duck face thing... Now when i first saw this i honestly thought it was a joke, that people were purposely looking derpy even though they were fairly attractive (Some are alight when not making the face, but then there are others who, well... Quack, quack)

Sex face

Sexy right... Its a weird screen cap to take, are they giving you a kiss? I mean this one makes me look sexually aggressive and by no means attractive so explain the point to this, were it ironic in terms of here is an amazingly attractive person making themselves look attractive because that's a fairly weird trend that has popped up, but these people think that it looks sexy! Really? you really think looking like you have a mild form of special needs makes you look sexy?

It's a compliment in my mind when someone who you do not know tries to add you on these social networking sites as, I'd imagine it is a way of communicating with someone you find attractive, or have an interesting bio and you'd like to get to know better. However you have those that only wish to use you as a number in an ever expanding army of digits, a friend of mine got into a race to see if he could reach 1000 friends and then keep it at that level for a set amount of time, you'd be surprised at the number of people who would just blindly accept and never bat an eyelid and the person they have just allowed to see a great deal of their personal information (because people can be fools and post important things - I too have been guilty of this), they then never say hello to the person that they have added only 'liking' their derpy pictures and clearly feeling an attachment to their 'friend' even though, for the most part you are mostly a digit to these strangers.

Thanks to the internet, times are far beyond the fears of stranger danger, for most the only thing worth fearing is the de-friend button.

Follow + suggest = https://twitter.com/Drake_Best

Harry Houdini's Buggy

Now if you don't know who Harry Houdini is then go to Google now and look it up as the somewhat clever title will be lost on you. also not knowing who he is makes you a bit of a moron on the same par as those people who don't know who Genghis khan or Stalin is. You'd think, "haha, how can someone not know who Stalin is?" You'd think that but people are R-tards.

As the tags hint this is yet another mother/child bashing blog, but not to worry it will be one of the last as my 'friends list' has been suffering for it. which obviously is soul destroying for me - as a way to shift the direct hatred for some of the stuff I'm about to write it was a subject suggested by my manager a number of weeks ago.

Without further ado...

I work in a clothing retail store, so the shop floor has rails both free standing, against the walls and also a number of tables (with which to hold folded clothes) dotted about the place, this is also not to mention the pillars that are required for wiring and of cause making the place structurally sound - or to support the fat cats above (NB. please don't fire me, for the love of God don't fire me). So moving around the place is difficult at the best of time, this is not to mention when you throw customers into the mix with shopping bags and the stuff they are hopefully soon to buy and not just go through the motions with us. remaining polite whilst dodging customers who stop and start - will have long conversations in groups - is difficult at the best of time, then you apply buggies with kids and if you've been following and reading these blogs from the beginning you'll know buggies and myself don't mix, however I can see the use to them and/or the point to having and using buggies around the place... for the most part.

However, why should I move out of the way, or get up off of the floor - from where I was folding (still trying to keep my job) and/or staking a low shelf - for someone with an ASDA bag in the buggy starring at me! its not even as if the child is with the pram either, more often them not there is no child within a 10feet radius. This is far worse then there actually being a child there, I mind but I don't mind as much if moving out of the way will remove this smelly, crying child from my presence. There is barely enough room for a pram/buggy to go through shops without having their shopping spilling out and having their screaming kid in arm - who is only screaming as they are hot and tired from being booted out of their nice and comfy seat for a loaf of bread!

This rant idea was supplied by my Manager - somewhat proof that I'm not the only person who thinks this way. (NB: remember, don't fire me, you senior managers are lovely people)

Bonus section - This is further evidence about the bane that is Buggies/prams. I was at a bullfight

(Interestingly which was a misunderstanding, it is not actually a bull fight, it is meant to be called a bull dance, which is why the matadors jump, swoosh and move around the bull. though it is dancing with a definitive point at the end - see what I did there)

I was at a bullfight, where this fellow walked past us an something about him caught my eye, it wasn't just that he had two very young children following himself and his wife but also that he was carrying something. upon zooming in with my camera i discovered that it was a damn pram!! and that there was an even smaller kid holding the mothers hand. Why are you here?! firstly why have you brought your very young children to an event where *puts on Jigsaw voice* there will be blood. secondly why have you brought the pram in with you? there is no where to put it down, every step is in fact a seat and they are numbered, where do you think that thing will be going during the event when the place fills up. utter mourn.

Next blog is the Olympic Special, supplied by co-workers.

Updates & Mothers + Social Networks = Blarg!

Hello chaps, female-chaps and Thai lady chaps, no I'm not joking I have checked my hits and there's one from Thailand... Woo Crossed the Atlantic or whatever the name of that body of water might be.

Sooo welcome to the Update portion of this blog, not to worry I will be bashing mothers in no time.

I apologise for missing another week without this, but I've a few things in the mix and free time approaching. Woo!
And lastly (See that was, what 12seconds?) at the bottom of each blog either in brackets '()' or hyphens '-' will be the title of the Next blog, not just to bring you my lovely readers back but also to act as an incentive for me, as I've 5? ish lining up behind this one, but without further a do ....

Mothers... Just... Mothers. If you didn't get it from my first blog/rant Mothers, there children and I just don't mix well. Obviously! should I meet a spouse who is willing to receive my love child Im sure my opinion of everyone else will remain the same, but her and my spawn will be stitched into my heart and I will beat anyone who places scorn upon them... BUT! That is not the case and I will carry on regardless...

My Issue this week is to do with the increase in people that I know or rather are 'friends' with on social networking sites giving birth or getting pregnant. Right off the bat I don't want people throwing hate at me, its nothing personal, Ive more than one social networking site and there are at least fours mothers/mothers to be on each... However! Now I'd like someone to explain a trend to me.
 Taking photographs of your new born child, or the Sonogram photos and then posting them on these sites? Repeatedly! I'm all for saying congratulations to new mothers, The First Time! but not the 12th or 20th time, it gets really boring and there is only so many 'cute' posses you can put babies in when they're that old and keep still keep people interested. It gets to a point where the posts end up shouted in your face. "LOOK WHAT I MADE!, LOOK ITS WEARING A PRETTY HAT!! ITS SO CUTE11692*exclamation mark*".

I'll admit when or rather if I have a kid I'll maybe post a thing-y once, maybe with picture.. jokingly saying, "The condom broke and after 9months *insert name here* has arrived kicking and screaming... and i couldn't be happier" followed by maybe a photo of the wife with child - thats the main issue really it wouldn't be so bad were it the baby... and someone else, anyone... even a baby and a dog is better then the kid on its own - after that one photo, you want to see my kid, come round and say hi, introduce yourself to the kid. Don't comment saying how sweet it is, I may have just spawned the next Renaissance but not even Albert Einstein couldn't read an hour after birth.

I get it though, you love your kid, there is nothing wrong with that, but do we need to see them in a new pose every five minutes?

It may be because I am old fashioned but  I don't want poopie photos of me when I was a kid knocking around the internet giving anyone the opportunity to see these photo, it could harm me either socially or politically in later life. ask yourself this, you got drunk in your past clearly, it might have been the cause for why you were conceived (hey it was for me) would you really want those photos to be seen by your children? or Bosses. It will be the same for them looking at yourself from when you were a baby gets boring after awhile.

Oh and I have laugh as most people who post a large amount of photos of their kids have their privacy settings really low, come on your just make things easier for the paedophiles.

(- Next Time : Fast Moving Zombies IS CHEATING -)

Free hugs and beeping birds

Another day equals another day in the world of work and this week is a mix of actually happiness and annoyance - whats that your shocked, I'm not going to be complaining all the time, heaven forbid, but don't worry Jew-burgers I'm still the same angry, old-aged, middle class, racist youth. (Y)

Any who...
Happiness first, The 'Free Hugs' T-shirt is finally mine, thanks to the very awesome fellow employee (no names though he's a famous sheep), and if any of y'all see me in it, then a free hug could be yours... well either that or a little something extra if you are attractive. Ever the opportunist.

Now that's done with, time for the weekly piss take, which this time is beeping watches, now these watches have a settable beeper, unfortunately these are set at different times on all and/or all the watches are set to different times so one will go off, and then another and then suddenly you are surrounded in a cacophony of chirping watches and a headache of bleats that after awhile scratches at the mind. woo see that imagery. for those without imagination this pissed me off, not something to have a hangover near as it pierces any amount of painkillers. made worse of course by there being hundreds of the things its like being in a bird sanctuary and having no hunting licence.

The thing is, this isn't a petty irritation, as when these watches are manufactured they don't actually have the alarms set, for obvious reasons that it would A. drain the power and B. in this terror filled world, would a seemingly beeping and ticking box get through?
 So once more it falls on dickish customers, usually teens as well - the ones who think it'll be funny to set the watches alarms to go off one minute after each other - if I didn't have to put up with it I'd have thought that is a very sneaky and clever way to be annoying, but its one of those funny when watching not suffering through.

 For example on a icy day at my old school, a first year ran across the road slipped, landed on his side then slide for about 3seconds, crashing into the curb on the other side.... that's very funny, I nearly died laughing of course the kid wasn't... come to think of it neither were my friends.
 Hmmm, maybe there is something wrong with me - Oh well.

Sticky, Tricky Customers

As I stated nearing the end of the previous blog (oh yeah plugging my own shit shamelessly) customers can be jolly annoying and frustrating, I'm sure many of you have worked in retail at some point in your lives and well you know certain people can - for lack of a better word - be a bunch of dicks. if it's not them not knowing what it is they want it is that they take every opportunity to either get in your way or ruin your day.

What I find particularly annoying is when pushing large (possibly heavy) objects around, yet no matter how hard or heavy they insist in remaining in the way. the thing is a large white trolley, piled high with clothing of numerous colours, how can you not see this? answer they can and they are arses. However ignorance is bliss to these people, they expect you to move out of their way, why? well because they are the customer and you are the employee who they can make hell for should they run to a manager because of their own idleness to notice the large trolley coming towards them.

These people are not the only one nor are they the only lucky people who receive my spite in this particular blog - there is a list of names and people piling up to Mitch and mourn about for your viewing pleasure - anyway back to the point, which is the next group of people who are either blind or stupid enough to get in my way and think I won't run over their darling little brats. That's right its couples with babies - again - this time though they refuse to move out of the way! speeding through crowds as if the pram is a battering ram? what is the point? what makes these types of people the worst ... subject breaker!!!

There are exceptions of course, couples who walk slowly through crowds trying not to run over peoples feet or cause harm, these people are fine its the other lot who... subjects returner!!!

...Barrel down a corridor two a breast and expect you to move, again why should I? your a parent congratulations! your seed works/you Va-J-J can bore a spawn *clap, clap* but don't think for a second you have right of way, be polite and sure you can pass but if you take liberties that's a separate issue. for example, during the Christmas fireworks in my home town I was on my way to a restaurant the place was packed with people watching the fireworks and moving through the crowds was tough and slow but pretty explosions kept me amused, then I saw a single mother slowly moving through the crowds tapping people and saying "excuse me please" and people were happy to move out of the way, even me someone who hates children i thought maybe I was wrong and not everyone with prams has a vendetta to get somewhere faster then... wait who's this? not two minutes after the first woman had passed another single mother with pram and three of her brood came racing between the crowd she was running over peoples feet and had a storm of anger hurled at her back which reasserted my opinion of these people... the fact the stupid trailer trash ran over my own foot was little biased.... I smacked the last child and called her a douse C***

...so I balanced it out, right?

Bargin Hunting Barstools!

Now I don't mean to sound disrespectful or racist (I'll get to why in a minute) but why must human kind be so obsessed with bargains? I'm not a heavily ignorant or arrogant person - though there is often evidence to the contrary - But what is the point of buying a bunch of clothing or any consumable, then not paying attention to what price it has been run through as... then wait until the receipt has past the breach before kicking up a fuss about it? forcing the process to be re-done either with the 'offensive' items removed or put down to their reduced price, followed by said ignorant and annoying customer blaming you! I'm sorry that you are incompetent and retarded MR or Mrs. Thick as a baboons arse!

But I can't complain that much at these people as they provide the company and through extension they are paying me with their money, however  what bothers me most is when these people - mostly non-white come in buy half the store ONLY, to then sell it on when they go back 'home'... these are the people who bother me most as they won't spend more then the reduced price as they themselves will sell it at  the original price! Were it a charity it wouldn't bother me but its just when they are on there own, the ones who come over, buy, return home and sell!

On a side note as well - try and stop me if this seems racist but - the 'Freashies are the worst, the ones who cannot speak nor understand the language, or rather pretend that they don't as if you get into an argument with one they understand fully mostly though swearing back in broken English. I admittedly can barely speak any other language besides English -with even that being a struggle on occasion - but I've been to France, Spain, America and the west country (yes it's a different language) with going to Spain 11 years in a row, however in those 11 years I can still only say hello, get stuffed, and I'll have a pint of larger please. However I will still make an attempt and be as polite as possible about it. Unlike, these rude, dirty, dicks.

I understand that bargains are good and that getting the best price for your goods is always preferred, BUT, the best price isn't always the lowest possible price. Also to get said low price perhaps you should be nicer to the person who is serving you and they won;t be so clumsy and make mistakes, it's hard enough standing at the tills and dealing with the tat that comes and goes with out getting very rude customers dump a shed.
they will mostly want to serve and get ride of you as quickly as you do.

If it happens to be near their lunch and you smell of poppadoms, they might bullet through it even faster.