Harry Houdini's Buggy

Now if you don't know who Harry Houdini is then go to Google now and look it up as the somewhat clever title will be lost on you. also not knowing who he is makes you a bit of a moron on the same par as those people who don't know who Genghis khan or Stalin is. You'd think, "haha, how can someone not know who Stalin is?" You'd think that but people are R-tards.

As the tags hint this is yet another mother/child bashing blog, but not to worry it will be one of the last as my 'friends list' has been suffering for it. which obviously is soul destroying for me - as a way to shift the direct hatred for some of the stuff I'm about to write it was a subject suggested by my manager a number of weeks ago.

Without further ado...

I work in a clothing retail store, so the shop floor has rails both free standing, against the walls and also a number of tables (with which to hold folded clothes) dotted about the place, this is also not to mention the pillars that are required for wiring and of cause making the place structurally sound - or to support the fat cats above (NB. please don't fire me, for the love of God don't fire me). So moving around the place is difficult at the best of time, this is not to mention when you throw customers into the mix with shopping bags and the stuff they are hopefully soon to buy and not just go through the motions with us. remaining polite whilst dodging customers who stop and start - will have long conversations in groups - is difficult at the best of time, then you apply buggies with kids and if you've been following and reading these blogs from the beginning you'll know buggies and myself don't mix, however I can see the use to them and/or the point to having and using buggies around the place... for the most part.

However, why should I move out of the way, or get up off of the floor - from where I was folding (still trying to keep my job) and/or staking a low shelf - for someone with an ASDA bag in the buggy starring at me! its not even as if the child is with the pram either, more often them not there is no child within a 10feet radius. This is far worse then there actually being a child there, I mind but I don't mind as much if moving out of the way will remove this smelly, crying child from my presence. There is barely enough room for a pram/buggy to go through shops without having their shopping spilling out and having their screaming kid in arm - who is only screaming as they are hot and tired from being booted out of their nice and comfy seat for a loaf of bread!

This rant idea was supplied by my Manager - somewhat proof that I'm not the only person who thinks this way. (NB: remember, don't fire me, you senior managers are lovely people)

Bonus section - This is further evidence about the bane that is Buggies/prams. I was at a bullfight

(Interestingly which was a misunderstanding, it is not actually a bull fight, it is meant to be called a bull dance, which is why the matadors jump, swoosh and move around the bull. though it is dancing with a definitive point at the end - see what I did there)

I was at a bullfight, where this fellow walked past us an something about him caught my eye, it wasn't just that he had two very young children following himself and his wife but also that he was carrying something. upon zooming in with my camera i discovered that it was a damn pram!! and that there was an even smaller kid holding the mothers hand. Why are you here?! firstly why have you brought your very young children to an event where *puts on Jigsaw voice* there will be blood. secondly why have you brought the pram in with you? there is no where to put it down, every step is in fact a seat and they are numbered, where do you think that thing will be going during the event when the place fills up. utter mourn.

Next blog is the Olympic Special, supplied by co-workers.

Free hugs and beeping birds

Another day equals another day in the world of work and this week is a mix of actually happiness and annoyance - whats that your shocked, I'm not going to be complaining all the time, heaven forbid, but don't worry Jew-burgers I'm still the same angry, old-aged, middle class, racist youth. (Y)

Any who...
Happiness first, The 'Free Hugs' T-shirt is finally mine, thanks to the very awesome fellow employee (no names though he's a famous sheep), and if any of y'all see me in it, then a free hug could be yours... well either that or a little something extra if you are attractive. Ever the opportunist.

Now that's done with, time for the weekly piss take, which this time is beeping watches, now these watches have a settable beeper, unfortunately these are set at different times on all and/or all the watches are set to different times so one will go off, and then another and then suddenly you are surrounded in a cacophony of chirping watches and a headache of bleats that after awhile scratches at the mind. woo see that imagery. for those without imagination this pissed me off, not something to have a hangover near as it pierces any amount of painkillers. made worse of course by there being hundreds of the things its like being in a bird sanctuary and having no hunting licence.

The thing is, this isn't a petty irritation, as when these watches are manufactured they don't actually have the alarms set, for obvious reasons that it would A. drain the power and B. in this terror filled world, would a seemingly beeping and ticking box get through?
 So once more it falls on dickish customers, usually teens as well - the ones who think it'll be funny to set the watches alarms to go off one minute after each other - if I didn't have to put up with it I'd have thought that is a very sneaky and clever way to be annoying, but its one of those funny when watching not suffering through.

 For example on a icy day at my old school, a first year ran across the road slipped, landed on his side then slide for about 3seconds, crashing into the curb on the other side.... that's very funny, I nearly died laughing of course the kid wasn't... come to think of it neither were my friends.
 Hmmm, maybe there is something wrong with me - Oh well.

Sticky, Tricky Customers

As I stated nearing the end of the previous blog (oh yeah plugging my own shit shamelessly) customers can be jolly annoying and frustrating, I'm sure many of you have worked in retail at some point in your lives and well you know certain people can - for lack of a better word - be a bunch of dicks. if it's not them not knowing what it is they want it is that they take every opportunity to either get in your way or ruin your day.

What I find particularly annoying is when pushing large (possibly heavy) objects around, yet no matter how hard or heavy they insist in remaining in the way. the thing is a large white trolley, piled high with clothing of numerous colours, how can you not see this? answer they can and they are arses. However ignorance is bliss to these people, they expect you to move out of their way, why? well because they are the customer and you are the employee who they can make hell for should they run to a manager because of their own idleness to notice the large trolley coming towards them.

These people are not the only one nor are they the only lucky people who receive my spite in this particular blog - there is a list of names and people piling up to Mitch and mourn about for your viewing pleasure - anyway back to the point, which is the next group of people who are either blind or stupid enough to get in my way and think I won't run over their darling little brats. That's right its couples with babies - again - this time though they refuse to move out of the way! speeding through crowds as if the pram is a battering ram? what is the point? what makes these types of people the worst ... subject breaker!!!

There are exceptions of course, couples who walk slowly through crowds trying not to run over peoples feet or cause harm, these people are fine its the other lot who... subjects returner!!!

...Barrel down a corridor two a breast and expect you to move, again why should I? your a parent congratulations! your seed works/you Va-J-J can bore a spawn *clap, clap* but don't think for a second you have right of way, be polite and sure you can pass but if you take liberties that's a separate issue. for example, during the Christmas fireworks in my home town I was on my way to a restaurant the place was packed with people watching the fireworks and moving through the crowds was tough and slow but pretty explosions kept me amused, then I saw a single mother slowly moving through the crowds tapping people and saying "excuse me please" and people were happy to move out of the way, even me someone who hates children i thought maybe I was wrong and not everyone with prams has a vendetta to get somewhere faster then... wait who's this? not two minutes after the first woman had passed another single mother with pram and three of her brood came racing between the crowd she was running over peoples feet and had a storm of anger hurled at her back which reasserted my opinion of these people... the fact the stupid trailer trash ran over my own foot was little biased.... I smacked the last child and called her a douse C***

...so I balanced it out, right?

Bargin Hunting Barstools!

Now I don't mean to sound disrespectful or racist (I'll get to why in a minute) but why must human kind be so obsessed with bargains? I'm not a heavily ignorant or arrogant person - though there is often evidence to the contrary - But what is the point of buying a bunch of clothing or any consumable, then not paying attention to what price it has been run through as... then wait until the receipt has past the breach before kicking up a fuss about it? forcing the process to be re-done either with the 'offensive' items removed or put down to their reduced price, followed by said ignorant and annoying customer blaming you! I'm sorry that you are incompetent and retarded MR or Mrs. Thick as a baboons arse!

But I can't complain that much at these people as they provide the company and through extension they are paying me with their money, however  what bothers me most is when these people - mostly non-white come in buy half the store ONLY, to then sell it on when they go back 'home'... these are the people who bother me most as they won't spend more then the reduced price as they themselves will sell it at  the original price! Were it a charity it wouldn't bother me but its just when they are on there own, the ones who come over, buy, return home and sell!

On a side note as well - try and stop me if this seems racist but - the 'Freashies are the worst, the ones who cannot speak nor understand the language, or rather pretend that they don't as if you get into an argument with one they understand fully mostly though swearing back in broken English. I admittedly can barely speak any other language besides English -with even that being a struggle on occasion - but I've been to France, Spain, America and the west country (yes it's a different language) with going to Spain 11 years in a row, however in those 11 years I can still only say hello, get stuffed, and I'll have a pint of larger please. However I will still make an attempt and be as polite as possible about it. Unlike, these rude, dirty, dicks.

I understand that bargains are good and that getting the best price for your goods is always preferred, BUT, the best price isn't always the lowest possible price. Also to get said low price perhaps you should be nicer to the person who is serving you and they won;t be so clumsy and make mistakes, it's hard enough standing at the tills and dealing with the tat that comes and goes with out getting very rude customers dump a shed.
they will mostly want to serve and get ride of you as quickly as you do.

If it happens to be near their lunch and you smell of poppadoms, they might bullet through it even faster.