The Gym Journey!!!!

So as part of my New Year’s resolution I decided in a slightly drunken and retarded voice: “I want to be fitter”. So today I returned to college where there it takes eight flights of stairs to get to my class, and much like everyone else during the December break I spent the entirety of my time; eating cake, chocolate, meat and drinking alcohol. So these stairs pretty much killed me and with the thoughts of change on the brain and the impending desire to get fitter, I decided as a spur of the moment thing to head to the gym after I finished for the day.

Now I'm not a very fit person anyway, and don’t think just because I'm skinny this means that I am actually fit. I'm far from fit as the climbing a flight of stairs often kills me and that I do no sports other then when I was forced to in PE.

So begins the titled: Gym Journey of awesomeness!! (And tiredness)

Having gotten home later then I intended a fast dinner consisting of a slightly burnt mini-pizza quick change into what I considered to be “Exercise gear” – which to the untrained is; a crappy England polo, old and beaten to crap shoes, and ill fitting synthetic tracksuit trousers. Then I set upon my journey binding fair well and setting off to the closest gym I knew of. Fitness First.

According to the Googles, the closest Fitness First is a mile away (or 22 minutes) a short enough walk to get my gym juices flowing. I arrived shortly after 6 at the front doors to Fitness first, bag filled of what I thought I’d need such as water and a spare jumper as it was sodding cold. Then, a few steps from the door I saw three fat women leaving and also two other women entering, deciding that Fitness first was clearly solely for women I decided to walk away.

To head home you say? Hell no... I of course headed to the next gym that I knew of in my town which was in a leisure centre called river mead, on the hearing a snippet of a conversation from someone that said they had good exercise equipment there. Plus these were men who said this so my slightly frozen brain worked out that this was the place for me! A quick Google on my phone showed it was a mere 2miles away! That’s a walk into town I thought, I've done that before, it only took 45 minutes, and I've still got time.

6.53: Dodged being offered sex, three hobos, a drunk wanting a fight and someone wanting to borrow my phone, I was sweaty, tired and cold, but I’d made it. Made it to the glittering lights of river mead, the gym was but a few feet from me.

Annnd then. Two very attractive young women were leaving after a vigorous exercise session, and instead of like a normal person saying hello and then heading in, I decided to try and chat them up, as clearly in my sweaty/gym gear state I was one of them and had something to say... I got as far as learning their names (Sarah and Claire) before they realised I had no idea what gym equipment was inside. I then retreated inside to refill my water bottle and watched them drive away in a car I possibly could have gotten a lift home or quickie in.

I then walked the 3 miles (53 minutes) home. 

At the end of my gym Journey I walked 6.2 miles in just under 2 hours and visited two gyms, which I will now never go to again. (Below is 'ROUGHLY' from my house to River mead, walking back sucked)

Just Don't Ask Me

If you ask a stupid question, then a stupid answer is what you'll get and coming from a town where the knuckles can be heard scrapping on the floor from the next town over. Many-a stupud question is asked of me, especially at work. Woo Back to form! - Well if you can call whining about work and customers form but still, what you see is what you get.

Another piece suggested by fellow co-workers amoungst an unstoppable tide of idioms (not all of which coming from me). So before I begin I had better get shooting myself in the foot out the way now before some smart arse decides to mention it the next time we're at the pub in front of something scrummy. Yes I'm talking to you Ben.

Like most things context is everything but what happened boils down to this: Good Friday is one of those delightful days known as a bank holiday and brilliant in that it is technically a day off - unless you work in retail, or a pub, or a supermark... is it really a bank holiday? banks are closed by 5 on Fridays anyway... Oh well... With pubs still being open, a pub dinner was suggested and being someone who enjoys beer, chicken and good company I said yes. However as this question was asked about 2 weeks before and lacking (common sense and) a calendar, I had to as the question "What day is Friday?"... Now you my think this a stupid question and out of context it is - though even in context its still pretty low brow. I'd like to justify myself here by saying that, I meant WHEN is good Friday?... in terms of, how far away from this specific date, but sigh, that day has gone and past and there are far better silly questions that get asked in an average day.

There's a difference between asking a silly question that makes you look like a tit Example A: above, and then there's those irritating questions that get repeated and asked near-every-single-day. These also have the same answer to them, which are just as irritating and feel like your dragging your brain behind you in a soggy sack through a cactus factory. (No i don't know where i was going with all these similies either).
Lets see if you can guess the questions they ask from my normal answers:


Check the price tag.
The price tags on the other side.
Where ever you found it.
Is the original price crossed out? then what do you think?
Not unless you lose about 10 stone.
Twat size.
Sure just let me put on my Indiana Johns outfit.
No, I just felt like wearing an all black, monogrammed shirt whilst folding shirts in an arbitary fashion.

And now for the Questions....

How much is this?

Where's the price of this?

Where are these?

Is everything on here reduced?

Does this fit me?

What size do you think I am?

Go check the back room for this?

Do you work here?

I'll just let you compare both Q&A and have a quick chuckle. As there is no doubt that you get customers who have, will and won't stop asking you these questions. However all kudos go to the question that gets asked at least four times a shift by every single member and is the one I gave the best witty remark to. Do you work here? This gets annoying fast on a long day as you both have to do that awkward little laugh as you'd both look pretty damn stupid if you didn't work there. It's a fair question to ask in places where there is no direct uniform, for example in times past my uniform at work used to be black shirt, tie and black trousers, so your kind of unsure if they work there. Especially if you approach someone from behind (giggity)  and they are wearing all black, it could be they're stopping off after a funeral - which may sound unlikely but they do not enjoy being asked where the tills are after a death in the family.

Now though we have monogrammed shirts, much like other stores, as well as lanyards  which say our names in big size 14 letters, yet people STILL ask if you work there. There is always the temptation in my head to give the very similar response to being asked "Are you awake?" at 1am - No, Now fuck off and bother someone else. 

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