I'm Allergic To Excerise

As seen in a previous post - http://subtlyignorant.blogspot.co.uk/2013/01/the-gym-journey.html
 You can see that I'm not the best when it comes to working out or going to the gym, with most of my attempts ending in being side tracked or wimping out - Being a quitter after all is a proud part of my nature.

However, I have discovered a piece of exercising equipment that is as lazy as I am. This of course is, the Dumbbell. Upon one of my more social occasions at a friends house I grew increasingly attached to his set of dumbbells. Now I like dumb bells, in my mind dumb bells are the laziest of all work out equipment, it only requires lifting your arm up and down repeatedly - and being a male I've had plenty of practice in that action.


I pictured myself, sitting in a chair, listening to a pod-cast, lifting a dumbbell in the background, when one arm got tired I'd switch and carry on listening. I wouldn't get as bored as jogging and it would be more effective then doing press ups... a few months past and I never did a thing. but on valentines day I went out and bought myself a set of dumbbells - no there is nothing sadder. the problem is that I miss judged how much 15kgs weighs (baby weight) and the 40 minute walk home was tiresome.



Feeling proud (yet tired) I constructed the weights into more manageable chunks and set to work. several "reps" later the difference was noticeable - and with a half term coming up I intended to catch up on some lost manly times... I would have had I not spent the last 2 weeks being severally Ill. Eating nothing different from the rest of my family and keeping away from the diseased people, the only explanation was all the exercise I did on the Monday.

14 days of illness for a now diminished return, so much so I  believe that I am weaker than I was before I started, what is this irony! Although this doesn't necessarily make me a target Mr. Mugger as I still carry a knife and Cracker I will cut you up. Hashtag: RelTalk. NoJK

My body clearly had a repulsive reaction to working out though, which is both depressing and annoying. So much so that I bitched and moaned about it on the internet.

Valentine's People

So I had planned to write a long post about my previous attempts love, especially seeing as what date it is (The 14th February), but it  was getting too long to type out and would be better received in  video post - mostly because sarcasm comes across better in verbal form and I'd like my legs intact.

This was annoying as it might mean that I missed another week - Oh noes - thankfully you arseholes have given me something to type about. This being talking about the peoples opinions of Valentine's day itself, especially in social media.

It might have come to your attention couple people that there are a lot of singles on the internet (yes, shockingly I am one of these single-tons, despite having a pussy in my lap at typing) and a lot of these single people are coming up with witty comments or moaning about being single, and hating couples. blah, blah.

I'm all for expressing ones distaste for seeing merry happy people being together whilst you suffer alone and cold with no one to hug and cuddle ... Sorry I was getting away with myself there. The point is this isn't very healthy, I saw the argument posed on one persons status that "the amount of time they used to construct that status. hating on happy people could have been used to stop being so miserable".

So there are two types of people it would now seem in the would: those that moan about V-day, and those that moan about people moaning about V-day - so just for the sake of being different I'm moaning about the whole bloody lot of them (Or...deep breathe... I'm moaning about the moaners that are moaning about people who moan about V-day.)

Everyone therefore is retarded. if you are single: stay in, have a drink, write a internet blog, read a book, go to a club meet a nice member of the opposite gender or watch porn. If your a couple go out, have a laugh, be together, get the fuck of social media though and spend time together. Or just have sex, because we all know that is the Jiz-st of V-day.

Or watch porn... Together.
Happy Valentine's Day

The Curtain Adventure of DIY Man

- I didn't do a post last Monday because I got food poisoning from a prawn salad another reason why salad can screw off. now that, that's out the way... (Edit... and then grew lazy so these will now be done on either Mondays or Thursdays - screw consistency) -

The other day, I was complaining (as par the norm) that as my room faces the rising sun, I get blinded and woken early each morning by the sun light penetrating my shitty curtains and sleep. Then after a few hours later a thicker curtain was dumped on my bed with the instructions of how to construct it left to me. Being the manly man that I am, I am of course skilled enough to remove the old curtain and put up the new one up all by myself, right?

And so begins the Adventures of DIY Man!

"This will be a simple job" thought DIY as he swaggered towards the task before him.

It would have been, had the centre bracket not been loose - so when I/he put the curtain up, the bracket was yanked from the wall and curtain rail fell off atop me I mean him...

"Well. Okay, that's a minor set back, but it could be worse" Mused DIY Man

These were half hearted words as in his haste to get the job done, DIY Man lacked his proper tools, besides one multi-tool. (below) but then again this was DIY Man, a simple set back like that wouldn't set him back right?

Multi-tool of Justice

Now DIY Man had to re-fix the bracket back to the wall, by removing the old Raw plug (items which spent the entirety of my childhood using as missiles), then he had to drill a deeper hole so that the new plug and screw would bite into the brick the curtains would be up. Raw plugs however turned out to be his kryptonite  as these plugs are meant to stay in the walls and lacking the proper tools DIY Man had to use all his manly strength and wrench multi-tool (above) to wrench it free. Ba-dum-tsh.

Raw plug / missile 

The smoke slowly cleared around the mighty DIY Man, in his hand was the dastardly raw plug, it was a grand success! Attached to that raw plug was brick work though, and wall paper... But that's fine as I R DIY man! And with his DIY, Manly powers everything was eventually fixed and he rested.

For we do not know what Manly DIY adventures he shall partake in next? So rejoice citizens as for every screw that needs pulling and hammer that needs hammering. DIY Man shall be there, With his multi-tool of justice!

DIY Man

https://twitter.com/Drake_Best

I No speak well In ... Japanese - Video post

Video of me try to speak Japanese from the phrase book, Be gentle ....
I apologise for the terrible quality but, YOLO right?

What I said in Japanese ... or tried to ...

kon-ni-chi-wa mi-n-na,

Watashi no namae wa Ko-na des,

Igirisu kara des.

K-yoo ga hosh-iin des ga hana-shi-masu ni-hongo

Hana-su ni-hongo Kon-nan-dearu)... watashi ni

Watashi wa shin-u tsum-orida

kus-ot-tare

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The Gym Journey!!!!

So as part of my New Year’s resolution I decided in a slightly drunken and retarded voice: “I want to be fitter”. So today I returned to college where there it takes eight flights of stairs to get to my class, and much like everyone else during the December break I spent the entirety of my time; eating cake, chocolate, meat and drinking alcohol. So these stairs pretty much killed me and with the thoughts of change on the brain and the impending desire to get fitter, I decided as a spur of the moment thing to head to the gym after I finished for the day.

Now I'm not a very fit person anyway, and don’t think just because I'm skinny this means that I am actually fit. I'm far from fit as the climbing a flight of stairs often kills me and that I do no sports other then when I was forced to in PE.

So begins the titled: Gym Journey of awesomeness!! (And tiredness)

Having gotten home later then I intended a fast dinner consisting of a slightly burnt mini-pizza quick change into what I considered to be “Exercise gear” – which to the untrained is; a crappy England polo, old and beaten to crap shoes, and ill fitting synthetic tracksuit trousers. Then I set upon my journey binding fair well and setting off to the closest gym I knew of. Fitness First.

According to the Googles, the closest Fitness First is a mile away (or 22 minutes) a short enough walk to get my gym juices flowing. I arrived shortly after 6 at the front doors to Fitness first, bag filled of what I thought I’d need such as water and a spare jumper as it was sodding cold. Then, a few steps from the door I saw three fat women leaving and also two other women entering, deciding that Fitness first was clearly solely for women I decided to walk away.

To head home you say? Hell no... I of course headed to the next gym that I knew of in my town which was in a leisure centre called river mead, on the hearing a snippet of a conversation from someone that said they had good exercise equipment there. Plus these were men who said this so my slightly frozen brain worked out that this was the place for me! A quick Google on my phone showed it was a mere 2miles away! That’s a walk into town I thought, I've done that before, it only took 45 minutes, and I've still got time.

6.53: Dodged being offered sex, three hobos, a drunk wanting a fight and someone wanting to borrow my phone, I was sweaty, tired and cold, but I’d made it. Made it to the glittering lights of river mead, the gym was but a few feet from me.

Annnd then. Two very attractive young women were leaving after a vigorous exercise session, and instead of like a normal person saying hello and then heading in, I decided to try and chat them up, as clearly in my sweaty/gym gear state I was one of them and had something to say... I got as far as learning their names (Sarah and Claire) before they realised I had no idea what gym equipment was inside. I then retreated inside to refill my water bottle and watched them drive away in a car I possibly could have gotten a lift home or quickie in.

I then walked the 3 miles (53 minutes) home. 

At the end of my gym Journey I walked 6.2 miles in just under 2 hours and visited two gyms, which I will now never go to again. (Below is 'ROUGHLY' from my house to River mead, walking back sucked)

Watching Out There's A Year Ahead

Yet another post where I mention midnight  and/or the minute past minute, as at a minute past midnight tonight we will be saying goodbye to the year that has past us by and a soft hello to the new a one.

I would hope 2013 to be more interesting but after this year’s events I’d prefer a more boring one to be honest. 2012 has seen martyrs made, dictators killed, countries liberated, floods, tsunamis, tropical storms, more floods, hurricane after hurricane, I've made new friends, new lovers, lost lovers, angered friends, excommunicated people, tried my hand at office work, served 500 customers (and disappointed 80% of them), visited Newbury, Barcelona and Spain, turned 20, went to euro-gamer and comic con, watched the Olympics and wrote 27 posts on here.

After all this what do I have to show for it you ask, well to boil down a long list - Disinterest, boredom, happiness, depression, depression, sun burn, Euros, more boredom, laughter, disinterest and several posts on the internet... hmm, so much for boiling down a long list. 

Despite these mild niggling’s 2012 was mostly entertaining, therefore 2013 should be better... well I say that as I've already set up plans for 2013 – yet another list –

-         A number of pub times

-         A tour of Japan

-         A tour of London’s financial district (not    by choice)

-         A trip to Southampton

-         The opening of a new church

-         Comic con 2013

-         Euro gamer 2013

-         Comic con (again, because Y.O.L.O)

-         Office work / paid work

-         Writing a new post every Monday

... And a bunch of other equally fun events, as wide and varied as a donkey penis competition ... actually that sounds like fun, I think I’ll add that to the list of things to do.

As for things not to do (aha great segway right) ... I plan on not being such a hermit next year – which is counter-productive to the next resolution which is to do more video posts, that’ll work out somehow. With my last resolution and written contractual promise via the internet is to do more exercise, instead of being the brain of a jock in a nerd’s body that I am.

But with me running out of decent things worth typing about and my pint getting warm, I wish everyone a happy new year, and good luck with your equally bullshit resolutions.

Twitter: https://twitter.com/Drake_Best 

WAKE UP! IT'S (the slightly late) CHRISTMAS (post) !!

This was meant to be a video post but... That failed, so lets carry on regardless.

Christmas has been and gone and I sincerely hope y'all had a merry one. Drinking lots and entering a meaty coma at the end.

Now I know when Christmas day is - its usually between the dates of December 24th and December 26th, often spanning across a whole 24hrs - I would hope that the rest of you know when this date is.

 Now lets bare in mind that despite Christmas officially starting after midnight on December 25th I will likely be asleep for the first 6/7 hours sleeping off the night before. You also might want to take into account that I suffer from mild insomnia (Which means it takes an arse age for me to get to sleep. if I can at all)

So imagine my disdain at 00:01 on Christmas day when some arse bandit decided to phone me! and inform me of the time and/or the day with - "Yo! DRAKE-IE! IT'S CHRISTMAS MOTHERFUCKA, HAPPY NEW CHRISTMAS MAN, HOPE YOU HAVE a good one!"... For starters sir. You are an Anus. You also woke me up just as I was on the edge of drifting off to the land of nod. then the wave of texts started, merry Christmas, have a good day dude, etc... all within the space of about 5 minutes. Did these people wait for the minutes to tick over till midnight and hit that mass send button. thank you for taking time out of your evening to add me into your mass text, you clearly decided  these people won't be asleep yet, these people will count me further for messaging them in the dead of night. Ill do it on their birthdays as well that will make them feel far better, its not like they have work in the morning, or will thank me as much if I text them during a normal time (normal meaning after 9am ... and not after 10pm smart ass).

Birthdays are the same, its okay if you you wish some well in the morning or if your like me and forget till you at the pub and its in the closing hours of the day, its fine as they are likely to still be awake, but the midnight before. No, please, just no. I like my sleep just as much as I enjoy surviving another year on this planet, but I don't want to be reminded whilst I'm catching those final Z's of my previous year, I am well informed that a minute past is my birthday, but seeing as I was born around 2, y'all are a little early.

The only exception though is new years day, where it is all likelihood that the entire planet is awake at midnight and beyond (Except for squares of cause) so yes message them saying congratulations on surviving another circumference of the sun, but Christmas's  and birthday's kindly wait till the middle of the day guys, I won't think any less of you - in fact I'll think more of you as you have restraint, well done. Gold star.

Oh and we survived the end of the world... So it looks like I'll have to hold off on buying everyone in existence a drink. Get you next time.

https://twitter.com/Drake_Best