WAKE UP! IT'S (the slightly late) CHRISTMAS (post) !!

This was meant to be a video post but... That failed, so lets carry on regardless.

Christmas has been and gone and I sincerely hope y'all had a merry one. Drinking lots and entering a meaty coma at the end.

Now I know when Christmas day is - its usually between the dates of December 24th and December 26th, often spanning across a whole 24hrs - I would hope that the rest of you know when this date is.

 Now lets bare in mind that despite Christmas officially starting after midnight on December 25th I will likely be asleep for the first 6/7 hours sleeping off the night before. You also might want to take into account that I suffer from mild insomnia (Which means it takes an arse age for me to get to sleep. if I can at all)

So imagine my disdain at 00:01 on Christmas day when some arse bandit decided to phone me! and inform me of the time and/or the day with - "Yo! DRAKE-IE! IT'S CHRISTMAS MOTHERFUCKA, HAPPY NEW CHRISTMAS MAN, HOPE YOU HAVE a good one!"... For starters sir. You are an Anus. You also woke me up just as I was on the edge of drifting off to the land of nod. then the wave of texts started, merry Christmas, have a good day dude, etc... all within the space of about 5 minutes. Did these people wait for the minutes to tick over till midnight and hit that mass send button. thank you for taking time out of your evening to add me into your mass text, you clearly decided  these people won't be asleep yet, these people will count me further for messaging them in the dead of night. Ill do it on their birthdays as well that will make them feel far better, its not like they have work in the morning, or will thank me as much if I text them during a normal time (normal meaning after 9am ... and not after 10pm smart ass).

Birthdays are the same, its okay if you you wish some well in the morning or if your like me and forget till you at the pub and its in the closing hours of the day, its fine as they are likely to still be awake, but the midnight before. No, please, just no. I like my sleep just as much as I enjoy surviving another year on this planet, but I don't want to be reminded whilst I'm catching those final Z's of my previous year, I am well informed that a minute past is my birthday, but seeing as I was born around 2, y'all are a little early.

The only exception though is new years day, where it is all likelihood that the entire planet is awake at midnight and beyond (Except for squares of cause) so yes message them saying congratulations on surviving another circumference of the sun, but Christmas's  and birthday's kindly wait till the middle of the day guys, I won't think any less of you - in fact I'll think more of you as you have restraint, well done. Gold star.

Oh and we survived the end of the world... So it looks like I'll have to hold off on buying everyone in existence a drink. Get you next time.

https://twitter.com/Drake_Best

The World (Doesnt) End at Midnight

The ticking clock at your desk reads 23:59 and you watch as the final moments draw to an end, each second drips and oozes with the same slow witted pace as rush hour traffic. The moments slow and collide into one another. Breathe held tight as you prepare to embrace the cataclysm. 00:00 your last minute has arrived, 60 seconds to live, do you hug your lover, kiss your pets, or stand middle-fingers raised to great the red sky... 00:01, 00:02... 00:10? What’s this? Were the ancient Myan’s wrong? My God, we’re saved!

 Then some smart arse points out the Myan calendar would end at 11:10 here in the UK due to the time zone differences... oops, damn we only get to have breakfast and maybe some brunch, the Aussies get lunch, dinner, and some supper. Now that’s just not fair... right let’s start again then...

The ticking clock at your desk reads 11:09 and you watch as the final moments draw to an end, you’re bored now though, you were ready for the world to end at midnight, that girl who is now pregnant, because you just had to have unsafe sex didn’t you, and now you’ve got an itch, isn’t that a bugger? Went out with a bang, came back with some souvenirs, what time is it now? Crap! 11:12 I’ve missed the end of the apocalyp... Oh God damn it!

Yup, those gosh darn Myan’s fooled us again, the world won’t end on the 21^st, do you want to know why the Myan calendar ends on the 21^st, because Barry couldn’t be arsed to finish it off that day, I’ll do it tomorrow he said, I’ve already calculated 3000+ years. I’ll do the rest tomorrow, or Wednesday actually, got a date with Cindy from the sacrificing pits, like to stick something in her. What are the odds of me - the only person clever enough to work out these dates die after getting it on with the high priestess who sacrifices people for a day job.

So Friday will pass us by without incident, besides all those annoying tweets and statuses, and I will have a jolly 22^nd, and 23^rd Etc... Etc... Until the day I get booted down to hell and the river sticks, but that will hopefully be a number of decades away.

Unless the world realy does end Friday, and Oh won’t my face be red.

 First round’s on me in hell if I’m wrong too.