Two decades ago saw the rise of such bands as 'Westlife', 'Take That' and - the most unimaginative name for a boy band - 'Boyzone' were the major powers in sappy-teenage-girl-soul-draining-incubus'. these bands eventually disbanded near the end of the 90's through break ups, solo carers (that would eventually fail) and the odd scandal. Which was interesting because these bands for the most part were fairly safe, focusing on love songs and the like to worm their way into the very hearts of teenage girls.
Into the year 2000 saw the new slightly more edgy boy bands such as 'Busted' and 'Blue' (well Busted was fairly rock-y at least), these bands saw their own cult following, with the more or less same love songs from the previous decade. However those girls who swooned over 'take that' are now ten years older and have likely moved onto new music or more important aspects of their life, so a new batch of teenagers are their to swoon for their heartthrobs.
Just like the cycle of the boy band is likely to repeat itself: unknown, known, record deal, hit, heartthrobs, hit, miss, fall outs, break ups, solo careers, failed solo career, reunion, failure. A quick look at the history of Take that and blue is evidence of this enough each a decade apart but each had a similar ending. The cycle therefore must repeat itself for the teenagers who must grow up.
So now we are in the 10s (I guess that's what you'd call this decade, or more accurately Teens now) and there are 4 (well 5 sort of): One Direction, The Wanted, Union J(ack, screw off call it what it is stop trying to be hip), JLS (jack the lad swing wtf?, though they have split - watch that wheel turn again) and the latest surprisingly English boy band Overload, who are trying there damnedest to become something in an over saturated market.
Though I can't knock these lads too much as I'm using their hash tag for some cheap views ( ex ow, chaps, ex ow)
I didn't mind the previous decade of boy bands so much as despite their similarities in popular at the time hair cuts and getting more action then me - not that at 12 I'd be getting much - they sounded different there was no all powerful auto tune, which these new bands seem to all suffer from. I physically cannot tell the difference between the bands I mentioned in the last paragraph with maybe the exception of JLS for one very obvious reason.
These clones are the result of that appalling X factor show and the Mad King Syco creating the perfect teenage heartthrob, you have the cook-y one, the tough one, the honest looking one, the cheeky one etc... all cut and packaged for teenage girls to spend all their money as they gain new emotions. Namely a sex drive. I have no real issue with these bands besides having mishaps and accidents and pretending like it isnt staged but these girls of today with the internet are more at risk then the 90s girl.
The 90s girl could maybe follow a boy band if they lived near by, and by this i mean really follow them, but if they ived far away or were fans of americans the only chance of seeing one was through concerts and the occasional newspaper clipping. The teenagers of today are a whole different and worrying animal the internet allows them almost 24hr survalence of these bands and most do not understand quite how staged these people are.
More importantly however they don't understand that this is just the flavor of the moment. 8-10 years is the maximum amount of coverage these bands have before the teenage girls are no longer swooning and they themselves have gotten older and slightly more tired,beaten by the next youthful brown haired auto tuned face to boot them from their mantle.
From there the cycle shall repeat itself.
For the cycle will always repeat itself.
Thursday, 22 August 2013
Monday, 22 July 2013
Ooo Endless Free Time
 |
| GET BACK TO WORK! |
Until then, have some margin doodles ....
Thursday, 7 March 2013
WARNING! This Food Has Expired!
Well much like a whore's period I once again fucked up and I'm late (again) so it is time for a quick wire hanger plunge to the lower abdomen and make everything kosher. (don't question the origin of that metaphor)
In human history we have been gathering food, mass producing it and selling it to others for consumption for years now, there are large buildings full of said produce, each neatly packed and displayed for the consumer. Gone is the time of the hunter gatherering male - with spear and net, his only currency was a pointy stick and his cashier was the stream or woods where he took the meat from. So its safe to say that we as a species have developed, this being obvious that you are now reading this typed assemblance of pixels on an electronic device.
Meaning that technology has also increased, to the point that it is in everything now; there is one-way glass, windows that close when it rains, laptop computers, internet sites for the ramblings of humans... and yet, you'd think by now they would have better warnings on stuff. Granted there are sirens and alarms that warn people, but no direct ways of stopping someone. For example, say you are like myself hungry and the only source of food in the fridge is a prawn salad (fuck salad by the way)... now it was out of date (hence the title), but it was in the fridge and unopened, and the point of a fridge is to keep food from going off right? Nope.
So I got food poisoning. Which baffled me, and got me thinking - despite all the warnings and technology - stupid, ignorant fools like me eat out of date food, get sick and look retarded. there are smart coffee cups that react to the heat and can make images appear and disappear, glass that frosts over at the push of a button, usually crap! but food which has a decent warning that tells you it is out of date. Nope. Nothing.
I want packaged food not with the the amount of fat, salt or calories in it (because screw you calorie counters), instead I want food that tells you that it has expired. preferably in big block capital letters, over where any previous message was - this goes for milk too and any other food you have to smell whether of not it is off or not. The messages would read as:
After a day out of date "I wouldn't recommend it" would appear.
2nd day "No Really, You'd Be Pushing it"
Then the 3rd + day "THROW THIS AWAY IF YOU WANT TO LIVE"
Warning messages like this might give us hungry fellows pause for thought, before we then grab that side of beer to wash it all down with.
In human history we have been gathering food, mass producing it and selling it to others for consumption for years now, there are large buildings full of said produce, each neatly packed and displayed for the consumer. Gone is the time of the hunter gatherering male - with spear and net, his only currency was a pointy stick and his cashier was the stream or woods where he took the meat from. So its safe to say that we as a species have developed, this being obvious that you are now reading this typed assemblance of pixels on an electronic device.
Meaning that technology has also increased, to the point that it is in everything now; there is one-way glass, windows that close when it rains, laptop computers, internet sites for the ramblings of humans... and yet, you'd think by now they would have better warnings on stuff. Granted there are sirens and alarms that warn people, but no direct ways of stopping someone. For example, say you are like myself hungry and the only source of food in the fridge is a prawn salad (fuck salad by the way)... now it was out of date (hence the title), but it was in the fridge and unopened, and the point of a fridge is to keep food from going off right? Nope.
So I got food poisoning. Which baffled me, and got me thinking - despite all the warnings and technology - stupid, ignorant fools like me eat out of date food, get sick and look retarded. there are smart coffee cups that react to the heat and can make images appear and disappear, glass that frosts over at the push of a button, usually crap! but food which has a decent warning that tells you it is out of date. Nope. Nothing.
I want packaged food not with the the amount of fat, salt or calories in it (because screw you calorie counters), instead I want food that tells you that it has expired. preferably in big block capital letters, over where any previous message was - this goes for milk too and any other food you have to smell whether of not it is off or not. The messages would read as:
After a day out of date "I wouldn't recommend it" would appear.
2nd day "No Really, You'd Be Pushing it"
Then the 3rd + day "THROW THIS AWAY IF YOU WANT TO LIVE"
Warning messages like this might give us hungry fellows pause for thought, before we then grab that side of beer to wash it all down with.
Tuesday, 19 February 2013
I'm Allergic To Excerise
As seen in a previous post - http://subtlyignorant.blogspot.co.uk/2013/01/the-gym-journey.html
You can see that I'm not the best when it comes to working out or going to the gym, with most of my attempts ending in being side tracked or wimping out - Being a quitter after all is a proud part of my nature.
However, I have discovered a piece of exercising equipment that is as lazy as I am. This of course is, the Dumbbell. Upon one of my more social occasions at a friends house I grew increasingly attached to his set of dumbbells. Now I like dumb bells, in my mind dumb bells are the laziest of all work out equipment, it only requires lifting your arm up and down repeatedly - and being a male I've had plenty of practice in that action.
I pictured myself, sitting in a chair, listening to a pod-cast, lifting a dumbbell in the background, when one arm got tired I'd switch and carry on listening. I wouldn't get as bored as jogging and it would be more effective then doing press ups... a few months past and I never did a thing. but on valentines day I went out and bought myself a set of dumbbells - no there is nothing sadder. the problem is that I miss judged how much 15kgs weighs (baby weight) and the 40 minute walk home was tiresome.
Feeling proud (yet tired) I constructed the weights into more manageable chunks and set to work. several "reps" later the difference was noticeable - and with a half term coming up I intended to catch up on some lost manly times... I would have had I not spent the last 2 weeks being severally Ill. Eating nothing different from the rest of my family and keeping away from the diseased people, the only explanation was all the exercise I did on the Monday.
14 days of illness for a now diminished return, so much so I believe that I am weaker than I was before I started, what is this irony! Although this doesn't necessarily make me a target Mr. Mugger as I still carry a knife and Cracker I will cut you up. Hashtag: RelTalk. NoJK
My body clearly had a repulsive reaction to working out though, which is both depressing and annoying. So much so that I bitched and moaned about it on the internet.
You can see that I'm not the best when it comes to working out or going to the gym, with most of my attempts ending in being side tracked or wimping out - Being a quitter after all is a proud part of my nature.
However, I have discovered a piece of exercising equipment that is as lazy as I am. This of course is, the Dumbbell. Upon one of my more social occasions at a friends house I grew increasingly attached to his set of dumbbells. Now I like dumb bells, in my mind dumb bells are the laziest of all work out equipment, it only requires lifting your arm up and down repeatedly - and being a male I've had plenty of practice in that action.
I pictured myself, sitting in a chair, listening to a pod-cast, lifting a dumbbell in the background, when one arm got tired I'd switch and carry on listening. I wouldn't get as bored as jogging and it would be more effective then doing press ups... a few months past and I never did a thing. but on valentines day I went out and bought myself a set of dumbbells - no there is nothing sadder. the problem is that I miss judged how much 15kgs weighs (baby weight) and the 40 minute walk home was tiresome.
Feeling proud (yet tired) I constructed the weights into more manageable chunks and set to work. several "reps" later the difference was noticeable - and with a half term coming up I intended to catch up on some lost manly times... I would have had I not spent the last 2 weeks being severally Ill. Eating nothing different from the rest of my family and keeping away from the diseased people, the only explanation was all the exercise I did on the Monday.
14 days of illness for a now diminished return, so much so I believe that I am weaker than I was before I started, what is this irony! Although this doesn't necessarily make me a target Mr. Mugger as I still carry a knife and Cracker I will cut you up. Hashtag: RelTalk. NoJK
My body clearly had a repulsive reaction to working out though, which is both depressing and annoying. So much so that I bitched and moaned about it on the internet.
Thursday, 14 February 2013
Valentine's People
So I had planned to write a long post about my previous attempts love, especially seeing as what date it is (The 14th February), but it was getting too long to type out and would be better received in video post - mostly because sarcasm comes across better in verbal form and I'd like my legs intact.
This was annoying as it might mean that I missed another week - Oh noes - thankfully you arseholes have given me something to type about. This being talking about the peoples opinions of Valentine's day itself, especially in social media.
It might have come to your attention couple people that there are a lot of singles on the internet (yes, shockingly I am one of these single-tons, despite having a pussy in my lap at typing) and a lot of these single people are coming up with witty comments or moaning about being single, and hating couples. blah, blah.
I'm all for expressing ones distaste for seeing merry happy people being together whilst you suffer alone and cold with no one to hug and cuddle ... Sorry I was getting away with myself there. The point is this isn't very healthy, I saw the argument posed on one persons status that "the amount of time they used to construct that status. hating on happy people could have been used to stop being so miserable".
So there are two types of people it would now seem in the would: those that moan about V-day, and those that moan about people moaning about V-day - so just for the sake of being different I'm moaning about the whole bloody lot of them (Or...deep breathe... I'm moaning about the moaners that are moaning about people who moan about V-day.)
Everyone therefore is retarded. if you are single: stay in, have a drink, write a internet blog, read a book, go to a club meet a nice member of the opposite gender or watch porn. If your a couple go out, have a laugh, be together, get the fuck of social media though and spend time together. Or just have sex, because we all know that is the Jiz-st of V-day.
Or watch porn... Together.
Happy Valentine's Day
This was annoying as it might mean that I missed another week - Oh noes - thankfully you arseholes have given me something to type about. This being talking about the peoples opinions of Valentine's day itself, especially in social media.
It might have come to your attention couple people that there are a lot of singles on the internet (yes, shockingly I am one of these single-tons, despite having a pussy in my lap at typing) and a lot of these single people are coming up with witty comments or moaning about being single, and hating couples. blah, blah.
I'm all for expressing ones distaste for seeing merry happy people being together whilst you suffer alone and cold with no one to hug and cuddle ... Sorry I was getting away with myself there. The point is this isn't very healthy, I saw the argument posed on one persons status that "the amount of time they used to construct that status. hating on happy people could have been used to stop being so miserable".
So there are two types of people it would now seem in the would: those that moan about V-day, and those that moan about people moaning about V-day - so just for the sake of being different I'm moaning about the whole bloody lot of them (Or...deep breathe... I'm moaning about the moaners that are moaning about people who moan about V-day.)
Everyone therefore is retarded. if you are single: stay in, have a drink, write a internet blog, read a book, go to a club meet a nice member of the opposite gender or watch porn. If your a couple go out, have a laugh, be together, get the fuck of social media though and spend time together. Or just have sex, because we all know that is the Jiz-st of V-day.
Or watch porn... Together.
Happy Valentine's Day
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Thursday, 7 February 2013
The Curtain Adventure of DIY Man
- I didn't do a post last Monday because I got food poisoning from a prawn salad another reason why salad can screw off. now that, that's out the way... (Edit... and then grew lazy so these will now be done on either Mondays or Thursdays - screw consistency) -
The other day, I was complaining (as par the norm) that as my room faces the rising sun, I get blinded and woken early each morning by the sun light penetrating my shitty curtains and sleep. Then after a few hours later a thicker curtain was dumped on my bed with the instructions of how to construct it left to me. Being the manly man that I am, I am of course skilled enough to remove the old curtain and put up the new one up all by myself, right?
And so begins the Adventures of DIY Man!
"This will be a simple job" thought DIY as he swaggered towards the task before him.
It would have been, had the centre bracket not been loose - so when I/he put the curtain up, the bracket was yanked from the wall and curtain rail fell off atop me I mean him...
"Well. Okay, that's a minor set back, but it could be worse" Mused DIY Man
These were half hearted words as in his haste to get the job done, DIY Man lacked his proper tools, besides one multi-tool. (below) but then again this was DIY Man, a simple set back like that wouldn't set him back right?
Now DIY Man had to re-fix the bracket back to the wall, by removing the old Raw plug (items which spent the entirety of my childhood using as missiles), then he had to drill a deeper hole so that the new plug and screw would bite into the brick the curtains would be up. Raw plugs however turned out to be his kryptonite as these plugs are meant to stay in the walls and lacking the proper tools DIY Man had to use all his manly strength and wrench multi-tool (above) to wrench it free. Ba-dum-tsh.
The smoke slowly cleared around the mighty DIY Man, in his hand was the dastardly raw plug, it was a grand success! Attached to that raw plug was brick work though, and wall paper... But that's fine as I R DIY man! And with his DIY, Manly powers everything was eventually fixed and he rested.
For we do not know what Manly DIY adventures he shall partake in next? So rejoice citizens as for every screw that needs pulling and hammer that needs hammering. DIY Man shall be there, With his multi-tool of justice!
https://twitter.com/Drake_Best
The other day, I was complaining (as par the norm) that as my room faces the rising sun, I get blinded and woken early each morning by the sun light penetrating my shitty curtains and sleep. Then after a few hours later a thicker curtain was dumped on my bed with the instructions of how to construct it left to me. Being the manly man that I am, I am of course skilled enough to remove the old curtain and put up the new one up all by myself, right?
And so begins the Adventures of DIY Man!
"This will be a simple job" thought DIY as he swaggered towards the task before him.
It would have been, had the centre bracket not been loose - so when I/he put the curtain up, the bracket was yanked from the wall and curtain rail fell off atop me I mean him...
"Well. Okay, that's a minor set back, but it could be worse" Mused DIY Man
These were half hearted words as in his haste to get the job done, DIY Man lacked his proper tools, besides one multi-tool. (below) but then again this was DIY Man, a simple set back like that wouldn't set him back right?
 |
| Multi-tool of Justice |
 |
| Raw plug / missile |
The smoke slowly cleared around the mighty DIY Man, in his hand was the dastardly raw plug, it was a grand success! Attached to that raw plug was brick work though, and wall paper... But that's fine as I R DIY man! And with his DIY, Manly powers everything was eventually fixed and he rested.
For we do not know what Manly DIY adventures he shall partake in next? So rejoice citizens as for every screw that needs pulling and hammer that needs hammering. DIY Man shall be there, With his multi-tool of justice!
 |
| DIY Man |
Thursday, 10 January 2013
I No speak well In ... Japanese - Video post
Video of me try to speak Japanese from the phrase book, Be gentle ....
I apologise for the terrible quality but, YOLO right?
What I said in Japanese ... or tried to ...
I apologise for the terrible quality but, YOLO right?
What I said in Japanese ... or tried to ...
kon-ni-chi-wa
mi-n-na,
Watashi no namae wa
Ko-na des,
Igirisu kara des.
K-yoo
ga hosh-iin des ga hana-shi-masu ni-hongo
Hana-su ni-hongo Kon-nan-dearu)... watashi ni
Watashi wa shin-u
tsum-orida
kus-ot-tare
Kindly offer feed back - https://twitter.com/Drake_Best and share in the special child's failings.
Tuesday, 8 January 2013
The Gym Journey!!!!
So as part of my New Year’s resolution I decided in a slightly
drunken and retarded voice: “I want to be fitter”. So today I returned to
college where there it takes eight flights of stairs to get to my class, and
much like everyone else during the December break I spent the entirety of my
time; eating cake, chocolate, meat and drinking alcohol. So these stairs pretty
much killed me and with the thoughts of change on the brain and the impending
desire to get fitter, I decided as a spur of the moment thing to head to the
gym after I finished for the day.
Now I'm not a very fit person anyway, and don’t think just because I'm skinny this means that I am actually fit. I'm far from fit as the climbing
a flight of stairs often kills me and that I do no sports other then when I was
forced to in PE.
So begins the titled: Gym Journey of awesomeness!! (And tiredness)
Having gotten home later then I intended a fast dinner consisting
of a slightly burnt mini-pizza quick change into what I considered to be “Exercise
gear” – which to the untrained is; a crappy England polo, old and beaten to
crap shoes, and ill fitting synthetic tracksuit trousers. Then I set upon my
journey binding fair well and setting off to the closest gym I knew of. Fitness
First.
According to the Googles, the closest Fitness First is a mile away
(or 22 minutes) a short enough walk to get my gym juices flowing. I arrived
shortly after 6 at the front doors to Fitness first, bag filled of what I
thought I’d need such as water and a spare jumper as it was sodding cold. Then,
a few steps from the door I saw three fat women leaving and also two other
women entering, deciding that Fitness first was clearly solely for women I
decided to walk away.
To head home you say? Hell no... I of course headed to the next
gym that I knew of in my town which was in a leisure centre called river mead,
on the hearing a snippet of a conversation from someone that said they had good
exercise equipment there. Plus these were men who said this so my slightly frozen
brain worked out that this was the place for me! A quick Google on my phone
showed it was a mere 2miles away! That’s a walk into town I thought, I've done
that before, it only took 45 minutes, and I've still got time.
6.53: Dodged being offered sex, three hobos, a drunk wanting a
fight and someone wanting to borrow my phone, I was sweaty, tired and cold, but
I’d made it. Made it to the glittering lights of river mead, the gym was but a
few feet from me.
Annnd then. Two very attractive young women were leaving after a vigorous
exercise session, and instead of like a normal person saying hello and then
heading in, I decided to try and chat them up, as clearly in my sweaty/gym gear
state I was one of them and had something to say... I got as far as learning their
names (Sarah and Claire) before they realised I had no idea what gym equipment
was inside. I then retreated inside to refill my water bottle and watched them
drive away in a car I possibly could have gotten a lift home or quickie in.
I then walked the 3 miles (53 minutes) home.
At the end of my gym Journey I walked 6.2 miles in just under 2
hours and visited two gyms, which I will now never go to again. (Below is 'ROUGHLY' from my house to River mead, walking back sucked)
Monday, 31 December 2012
Watching Out There's A Year Ahead
Yet another post where I mention midnight and/or the
minute past minute, as at a minute past midnight tonight we will be saying goodbye
to the year that has past us by and a soft hello to the new a one.
I would hope 2013 to be more interesting but after
this year’s events I’d prefer a more boring one to be honest. 2012
has seen martyrs made, dictators killed, countries liberated,
floods, tsunamis, tropical storms, more floods, hurricane after
hurricane, I've made new friends, new lovers, lost lovers, angered friends,
excommunicated people, tried my hand at office work, served 500
customers (and disappointed 80% of
them), visited Newbury, Barcelona and Spain, turned 20,
went to euro-gamer and comic con, watched the Olympics
and wrote 27 posts on here.
After all this what do I have to show for it you ask, well to boil
down a long list - Disinterest, boredom, happiness, depression, depression, sun
burn, Euros, more boredom, laughter, disinterest and several posts on
the internet... hmm, so much for boiling down a long list.
Despite these mild niggling’s 2012 was mostly entertaining, therefore
2013 should be better... well I say that as I've already set up plans for 2013 –
yet another list –
-
A number
of pub times
-
A tour
of Japan
-
A
tour of London’s financial district (not by choice)
-
A
trip to Southampton
-
The opening
of a new church
-
Comic
con 2013
-
Euro gamer
2013
-
Comic
con (again, because Y.O.L.O)
-
Office
work / paid work
-
Writing
a new post every Monday
... And a bunch of other equally fun events, as wide and varied as
a donkey penis competition ... actually that sounds like fun, I think I’ll add
that to the list of things to do.
As for things not to do (aha great segway right) ... I plan on not
being such a hermit next year – which is counter-productive to the next resolution
which is to do more video posts, that’ll work out somehow. With my last
resolution and written contractual promise via the internet is to do more exercise,
instead of being the brain of a jock in a nerd’s body that I am.
But with me running out of decent things worth typing about and my
pint getting warm, I wish everyone a happy new year, and good luck with your
equally bullshit resolutions.
Twitter: https://twitter.com/Drake_Best
Saturday, 29 December 2012
WAKE UP! IT'S (the slightly late) CHRISTMAS (post) !!
This was meant to be a video post but... That failed, so lets carry on regardless.
Christmas has been and gone and I sincerely hope y'all had a merry one. Drinking lots and entering a meaty coma at the end.
Now I know when Christmas day is - its usually between the dates of December 24th and December 26th, often spanning across a whole 24hrs - I would hope that the rest of you know when this date is.
Now lets bare in mind that despite Christmas officially starting after midnight on December 25th I will likely be asleep for the first 6/7 hours sleeping off the night before. You also might want to take into account that I suffer from mild insomnia (Which means it takes an arse age for me to get to sleep. if I can at all)
So imagine my disdain at 00:01 on Christmas day when some arse bandit decided to phone me! and inform me of the time and/or the day with - "Yo! DRAKE-IE! IT'S CHRISTMAS MOTHERFUCKA, HAPPY NEW CHRISTMAS MAN, HOPE YOU HAVE a good one!"... For starters sir. You are an Anus. You also woke me up just as I was on the edge of drifting off to the land of nod. then the wave of texts started, merry Christmas, have a good day dude, etc... all within the space of about 5 minutes. Did these people wait for the minutes to tick over till midnight and hit that mass send button. thank you for taking time out of your evening to add me into your mass text, you clearly decided these people won't be asleep yet, these people will count me further for messaging them in the dead of night. Ill do it on their birthdays as well that will make them feel far better, its not like they have work in the morning, or will thank me as much if I text them during a normal time (normal meaning after 9am ... and not after 10pm smart ass).
Birthdays are the same, its okay if you you wish some well in the morning or if your like me and forget till you at the pub and its in the closing hours of the day, its fine as they are likely to still be awake, but the midnight before. No, please, just no. I like my sleep just as much as I enjoy surviving another year on this planet, but I don't want to be reminded whilst I'm catching those final Z's of my previous year, I am well informed that a minute past is my birthday, but seeing as I was born around 2, y'all are a little early.
The only exception though is new years day, where it is all likelihood that the entire planet is awake at midnight and beyond (Except for squares of cause) so yes message them saying congratulations on surviving another circumference of the sun, but Christmas's and birthday's kindly wait till the middle of the day guys, I won't think any less of you - in fact I'll think more of you as you have restraint, well done. Gold star.
Oh and we survived the end of the world... So it looks like I'll have to hold off on buying everyone in existence a drink. Get you next time.
https://twitter.com/Drake_Best
Christmas has been and gone and I sincerely hope y'all had a merry one. Drinking lots and entering a meaty coma at the end.
Now I know when Christmas day is - its usually between the dates of December 24th and December 26th, often spanning across a whole 24hrs - I would hope that the rest of you know when this date is.
Now lets bare in mind that despite Christmas officially starting after midnight on December 25th I will likely be asleep for the first 6/7 hours sleeping off the night before. You also might want to take into account that I suffer from mild insomnia (Which means it takes an arse age for me to get to sleep. if I can at all)
So imagine my disdain at 00:01 on Christmas day when some arse bandit decided to phone me! and inform me of the time and/or the day with - "Yo! DRAKE-IE! IT'S CHRISTMAS MOTHERFUCKA, HAPPY NEW CHRISTMAS MAN, HOPE YOU HAVE a good one!"... For starters sir. You are an Anus. You also woke me up just as I was on the edge of drifting off to the land of nod. then the wave of texts started, merry Christmas, have a good day dude, etc... all within the space of about 5 minutes. Did these people wait for the minutes to tick over till midnight and hit that mass send button. thank you for taking time out of your evening to add me into your mass text, you clearly decided these people won't be asleep yet, these people will count me further for messaging them in the dead of night. Ill do it on their birthdays as well that will make them feel far better, its not like they have work in the morning, or will thank me as much if I text them during a normal time (normal meaning after 9am ... and not after 10pm smart ass).
Birthdays are the same, its okay if you you wish some well in the morning or if your like me and forget till you at the pub and its in the closing hours of the day, its fine as they are likely to still be awake, but the midnight before. No, please, just no. I like my sleep just as much as I enjoy surviving another year on this planet, but I don't want to be reminded whilst I'm catching those final Z's of my previous year, I am well informed that a minute past is my birthday, but seeing as I was born around 2, y'all are a little early.
The only exception though is new years day, where it is all likelihood that the entire planet is awake at midnight and beyond (Except for squares of cause) so yes message them saying congratulations on surviving another circumference of the sun, but Christmas's and birthday's kindly wait till the middle of the day guys, I won't think any less of you - in fact I'll think more of you as you have restraint, well done. Gold star.
Oh and we survived the end of the world... So it looks like I'll have to hold off on buying everyone in existence a drink. Get you next time.
https://twitter.com/Drake_Best
Monday, 17 December 2012
The World (Doesnt) End at Midnight
The
ticking clock at your desk reads 23:59 and you watch as the final moments
draw to an end, each second drips and oozes with the same slow witted pace as
rush hour traffic. The moments slow and collide into one another. Breathe held
tight as you prepare to embrace the cataclysm. 00:00 your last minute
has arrived, 60 seconds to live, do you hug your lover, kiss your pets, or
stand middle-fingers raised to great the red sky... 00:01, 00:02... 00:10? What’s
this? Were the ancient Myan’s wrong? My God, we’re saved!
Then some smart arse points out the Myan calendar
would end at 11:10 here in the UK due to the time zone differences... oops,
damn we only get to have breakfast and maybe some brunch, the Aussies get lunch,
dinner, and some supper. Now that’s just not fair... right let’s start again
then...
The
ticking clock at your desk reads 11:09 and you watch as the final moments draw
to an end, you’re bored now though, you were ready for the world to end at
midnight, that girl who is now pregnant, because you just had to have unsafe sex
didn’t you, and now you’ve got an itch, isn’t that a bugger? Went out with a
bang, came back with some souvenirs, what time is it now? Crap!
11:12 I’ve missed the end of the apocalyp... Oh God damn it!
Yup,
those gosh darn Myan’s fooled us again, the world won’t end on the 21st,
do you want to know why the Myan calendar ends on the 21st, because Barry
couldn’t be arsed to finish it off that day, I’ll do it tomorrow he said, I’ve already
calculated 3000+ years. I’ll do the rest tomorrow, or Wednesday actually, got a
date with Cindy from the sacrificing pits, like to stick something in her. What
are the odds of me - the only person clever enough to work out these dates die
after getting it on with the high priestess who sacrifices people for a day
job.
So
Friday will pass us by without incident, besides all those annoying tweets and
statuses, and I will have a jolly 22nd, and 23rd Etc... Etc...
Until the day I get booted down to hell and the river sticks, but that will
hopefully be a number of decades away.
Unless
the world realy does end Friday, and Oh won’t my face be red.
First round’s on me in hell if I’m wrong too.
Monday, 10 December 2012
Mini-Buggy Bothers
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| Bastard of Joy |
Stop. Move your hand away from that 'close tap' button. As this is a post with a difference, this post focuses on an even smaller menance in the buggy form ...
I am of course refering to the incrediblly irritating ... Toy push chair.
Now once again I'd like to direct the hate slightly away from myself and tell the story of my manager at work, who suggested this menance to me. It's not all me, Honest.
He was on lunch one day during a perticularrily hard days work, and decided to storll towards the local eatery to grab a bite and head back. enjoying the mostly mild weather. When suddenly his world was shattered by a sudden and repeated soaring pain in his heel. A little bastard of joy was ramming its bright pink (EMPTY) Toy pushchair into his heel - Not only was it a toy but the toy baby (similar to the one pictured) was missing! He was being assaulted by an empty pushchair.
With the mother - Oh bugger, back on mothers again - doing nothing, except stop and stare at him as if daring him to 'tri samthin' . of course he could not do anything - even though a lesser man (I.e Me) would have flipped either the child or chair over, but apparently the mother would have taken offense to this. Apparently assualting someone with a toy pushchair is socially acceptable.
Therefore it must be socially acceptable for me to murder someone with a bright pink pushchair, so long as it is empty - after all we wouldnt want to get that plastic baby dirty.
However we can be thankfully that no one has invented a double wide toy pushchair ... I mean that would be a crazy idea right?
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| OH GOD WHAT HAVE THEY DONE!! |
Suggest @: https://twitter.com/Drake_Best
Monday, 3 December 2012
There Is a Vegan Option Norman
Recently (meaning it happened within the same month, or at a point in history) I heard an report that a number of Americans where turning towards vegan-ism (its an ethos right?), something I found hilariously ironic for a country that possibly eats the largest amount of meat in the world - and no that is not an overt dick sucking joke, as after all it is other countries that suck on America's throbbing member.
Another suggested piece by a fellow employee - beep, boop, At the best place to work ever - Speaking of, you should suggest some yourself, and you know what? Do it now, here :https://twitter.com/Drake_Best: No don't read further, just do it... I can wait...
...
..
.
What took you so long? And I was talking to the pretty one, but sigh you'll do...
Now that, that flow breaker is out of the way, we can continue. Last month where I neglected to put any post (because I'm lazy, deal with it), I made a new friend whilst on lunch His name was Norman, and seeing how I was trapped and mid-way through my SUBWAY! I could hardly get up and leave. I liked Norman though as he hated everything as well and after a few discussions on my favourite topics we moved on to vegetarian's (somehow) and then Vegans. Now my colleague at work suggested writing about them last month as did the news report but, Norman reminded me of it and posed a good conversation which although made me late stopped me from getting wet.
Norman tells the story of how one day his friend moved to being a vegetarian - which is fair, I've a few friends who where/are veggies its there choice and more meat for the rest of us right? - well then the next day Norman's friend turned into a Vegan and under hushed tones "a massive arsehole". As he had switched into a "tree-hugging, hippie" who wouldn't eat with other meat eaters because he didn't want to think of all the animals that had to suffer. Which I guess makes sense, its his prerogative after all, but then this was followed by Norman's friend not eating anything which came into contact with meat, he wouldn't use glue and wear anything which was made from any form of animal products! He had become, A Vegan.
What!! But it's cold and woollen jumpers are warm! That makes limited sense to me: being a red-blooded, meat eating manly man of course, but I can understand veggies. After all there are some who eat fish, some who can eat some chicken etc... etc... and for the most part they aren't dicks about it they are aware that you may not be a veggie but won't make a big thing about it. think of it this way, if you were having a dinner party and you knew you had veggies coming well you'd make a veggie menu, I've no idea of the specifics but I know salad and veggies are an option. Boom! here is your salad whilst I eat my cheese burger. This is easy and talking about being a veggie is a stimulating conversation especially if they were a fellow meat eater and decided to change. its interesting - mostly.
However much like my run in with the bible basher, I dislike vegans who seem to want to convert other people to their side of things, back to the dinner party analogy a paragraph ago. If a veggie had a dinner party and they had meat eaters over, they would offer some meat, granted it wouldn't be a full English or Sunday dinner but a degree of meat to be had. Vegan's dinner party. No meat allowed!
Is this the pinnacle of our society? that the opposable thumb, spear, sword, fork and gun powder has propelled humans to such a height on the food chain, that people don't want to bother eating those below them? the argument is that they don't want animals to suffer and that humans aren't meant to eat animals 0. o are you high sir? why do we have canines in our arsenal of shiny teeth? if not to tear the fleas from bone. Cows have to be milked to keep them healthy, but some vegans want to propelled the safety of those animals above humans.
Given the opportunity a many number of the carnivorous creatures in the eco-system would snap up a human, we have no claws, no real thick skin, limited fur (unless your Italian HEY-YO!!!) a straight up fight. we're screwed. However, we have a brain, and the adaptability to use that pointy stick.
In the battle of survival of the fittest, it is not the strongest, the fastest or the biggest who wins, but it is he who is most adaptable to the situation. alternatively of course we were given a choice in this life and although Vegans choose their way I'll still have my fries with a side mountain of steak.
Suggested by Bengie and Norman
Another suggested piece by a fellow employee - beep, boop, At the best place to work ever - Speaking of, you should suggest some yourself, and you know what? Do it now, here :https://twitter.com/Drake_Best: No don't read further, just do it... I can wait...
...
..
.
What took you so long? And I was talking to the pretty one, but sigh you'll do...
Now that, that flow breaker is out of the way, we can continue. Last month where I neglected to put any post (because I'm lazy, deal with it), I made a new friend whilst on lunch His name was Norman, and seeing how I was trapped and mid-way through my SUBWAY! I could hardly get up and leave. I liked Norman though as he hated everything as well and after a few discussions on my favourite topics we moved on to vegetarian's (somehow) and then Vegans. Now my colleague at work suggested writing about them last month as did the news report but, Norman reminded me of it and posed a good conversation which although made me late stopped me from getting wet.
Norman tells the story of how one day his friend moved to being a vegetarian - which is fair, I've a few friends who where/are veggies its there choice and more meat for the rest of us right? - well then the next day Norman's friend turned into a Vegan and under hushed tones "a massive arsehole". As he had switched into a "tree-hugging, hippie" who wouldn't eat with other meat eaters because he didn't want to think of all the animals that had to suffer. Which I guess makes sense, its his prerogative after all, but then this was followed by Norman's friend not eating anything which came into contact with meat, he wouldn't use glue and wear anything which was made from any form of animal products! He had become, A Vegan.What!! But it's cold and woollen jumpers are warm! That makes limited sense to me: being a red-blooded, meat eating manly man of course, but I can understand veggies. After all there are some who eat fish, some who can eat some chicken etc... etc... and for the most part they aren't dicks about it they are aware that you may not be a veggie but won't make a big thing about it. think of it this way, if you were having a dinner party and you knew you had veggies coming well you'd make a veggie menu, I've no idea of the specifics but I know salad and veggies are an option. Boom! here is your salad whilst I eat my cheese burger. This is easy and talking about being a veggie is a stimulating conversation especially if they were a fellow meat eater and decided to change. its interesting - mostly.
However much like my run in with the bible basher, I dislike vegans who seem to want to convert other people to their side of things, back to the dinner party analogy a paragraph ago. If a veggie had a dinner party and they had meat eaters over, they would offer some meat, granted it wouldn't be a full English or Sunday dinner but a degree of meat to be had. Vegan's dinner party. No meat allowed!Is this the pinnacle of our society? that the opposable thumb, spear, sword, fork and gun powder has propelled humans to such a height on the food chain, that people don't want to bother eating those below them? the argument is that they don't want animals to suffer and that humans aren't meant to eat animals 0. o are you high sir? why do we have canines in our arsenal of shiny teeth? if not to tear the fleas from bone. Cows have to be milked to keep them healthy, but some vegans want to propelled the safety of those animals above humans.
Given the opportunity a many number of the carnivorous creatures in the eco-system would snap up a human, we have no claws, no real thick skin, limited fur (unless your Italian HEY-YO!!!) a straight up fight. we're screwed. However, we have a brain, and the adaptability to use that pointy stick.
In the battle of survival of the fittest, it is not the strongest, the fastest or the biggest who wins, but it is he who is most adaptable to the situation. alternatively of course we were given a choice in this life and although Vegans choose their way I'll still have my fries with a side mountain of steak.
Suggested by Bengie and Norman
Wednesday, 14 November 2012
Throwing Pennies at Poor People
With the economy in its current state and being one of the big things in the news recently it would seem like a good idea to write something topical regarding the economy...
...Regarding the economy, or rather to finish off this back log, which has been increasing weekly. Therefore I have chosen something which is close to my heart, which of cause is: Money. or rather, liking money, and liking the fact I have money, but apparently this makes me the anti-Christ, sorry I meant 'Middle classed'.
Middle class people get a bad rap in the news, films and books alike, it is rather unfair. Middle class people aren't evil, nor are we overly rich, just comfortable.
That's not an issue is it? I know I have somewhat of a Posh boy accent but that is just how I was brought up, properly of cause - by my butler mostly - but Jenkins was a splendid fellow teaching me how to speak and direct my words to be heard above the commoners. Clearly I was joking here though I have been known to never carry anything below a 10p piece in my wallet, preferring to either throw them in the bin or at poor people.
Is that wrong? Does one have an issue with this?
Damn straight you don't have an issue with that, wealthy people aren't evil, they aren't plotting to take over the world or create that super death machine - super death machines are expensive people! what do you expect these people want? Granted for some the world is not enough, but that can be said of everyone - everyone wants something more then they already have: the poor want to become rich and the rich want to become rich, like a scene out of Macbeth, their ambitions ov'r leaps their gains (Fear my A-level misquoting wang!!)
This is not meant in the sense that they are evil, rather that the middle class are consumed by the opinions of the poor creating a illusionary state of mind surrounding them. sure, everyone wants to become wealthy, but why do they hate the rich? they hate the rich for being rich, yet they themselves desire to become rich ... by that analysis every rich person should hate themselves for becoming rich.
Rich people don't hate themselves, far from it (Often too much self love goes public), rich people are happy that they have made it, made it above the sharks an the cut throats, made it into the clouds up on high... But wait what's that being flung at me from down below? Oh its shit, and people wonder why the wealthy can be jaded towards the poor?
Again, I'm by no means rich or wealthy, I'm comfortable in my earnings and current state, also by no means do I think ALL wealthy people are goof people, some really do want to exploit others and build that giant James Bond doomsday machine in their backyard, but why wouldn't you?
Lasers are cool. Hashtag: https://twitter.com/Drake_Best 2012
(Let me just cut in here and say that I have two or three different articles fully finished and edited on my phone in the notes section, as I occasionally cant sleep at night and would rather kill two birds with one stone then sit their counting sheep. Plus seeing as my phone has a handy notes section that can be blue toothed to my laptop I saw an opportunity to finish this off on my phone and upload it quick and easy ... yeah, it uploaded a screen shot of the stuff to me ¬.¬ God damn it! Sigh... where was I again?)
...Regarding the economy, or rather to finish off this back log, which has been increasing weekly. Therefore I have chosen something which is close to my heart, which of cause is: Money. or rather, liking money, and liking the fact I have money, but apparently this makes me the anti-Christ, sorry I meant 'Middle classed'.
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| Ammunition |
That's not an issue is it? I know I have somewhat of a Posh boy accent but that is just how I was brought up, properly of cause - by my butler mostly - but Jenkins was a splendid fellow teaching me how to speak and direct my words to be heard above the commoners. Clearly I was joking here though I have been known to never carry anything below a 10p piece in my wallet, preferring to either throw them in the bin or at poor people.
Is that wrong? Does one have an issue with this?
Damn straight you don't have an issue with that, wealthy people aren't evil, they aren't plotting to take over the world or create that super death machine - super death machines are expensive people! what do you expect these people want? Granted for some the world is not enough, but that can be said of everyone - everyone wants something more then they already have: the poor want to become rich and the rich want to become rich, like a scene out of Macbeth, their ambitions ov'r leaps their gains (Fear my A-level misquoting wang!!)
This is not meant in the sense that they are evil, rather that the middle class are consumed by the opinions of the poor creating a illusionary state of mind surrounding them. sure, everyone wants to become wealthy, but why do they hate the rich? they hate the rich for being rich, yet they themselves desire to become rich ... by that analysis every rich person should hate themselves for becoming rich.
Rich people don't hate themselves, far from it (Often too much self love goes public), rich people are happy that they have made it, made it above the sharks an the cut throats, made it into the clouds up on high... But wait what's that being flung at me from down below? Oh its shit, and people wonder why the wealthy can be jaded towards the poor?
Again, I'm by no means rich or wealthy, I'm comfortable in my earnings and current state, also by no means do I think ALL wealthy people are goof people, some really do want to exploit others and build that giant James Bond doomsday machine in their backyard, but why wouldn't you?
Lasers are cool. Hashtag: https://twitter.com/Drake_Best 2012
Friday, 19 October 2012
Bible Shaped Battleaxe
Any one who follows me on Twitter - @Drake_Best, Yes all 20 of you...(hint, hint) Will know I got accosted by a Chaplin the other day, if you didn't I'll boil the story down quickly:
Whilst sitting in the canteen of my collage watching the local retards sing and dance their way past trying A. To keep a straight face and B. thinking that there is more then likely a better use of my time. I was not sitting alone but the person I was with was on the phone, still pondering what on earth I was still doing there a women makes a b-line towards me. thinking she was about to make a comment about not wearing my lanyard I prepared where I was going to tell her to stick It up her arse.
I couldn't have been more wrong though, she was the Chaplin of this college apparently and was just walking around, she then started up a conversation with me as I was "looking shattered and bored", despite a number of efforts to get rid of her she would not go and opened up a conversation on religion and preachers - As I said in my last blog about gays I don't care what people believe so long as they don't shove it down my throat. this pain in the arse women would not leave me alone, after telling her my name was Drake (because I couldn't think of any other name) she asks if it was after Sir Francis Drake - in hindsight I should have gone the whole Satan route maybe said my name was Adolf and that I hate the Jews too, but I digress. This women must have been there 30minutes yakking at me and I couldn't get rid of her even trying to get up and leave she wouldn't let me go "oh you must come see me and have another chat". Trololololol lady, not a chance.
Don't get me wrong I don't hate religion or people who have faith, one of my closest friends is heavily religious - which may sound like a cop out, but fuck you its not - My issue arises when Preachers on the street inform you that "THAT YOU ARE GOING TO HELL!" to near everyone that walks past or anyone who wants to have an argument about it, Peas and rice! I'd gladly go to hell if i didn't have to put up with you in my heaven. Why should I go to hell? I'm a nice enough person, sure I've had the odd vice and clearly watched way too much porn but does that condemn me to the very depths of hell? If it does then its going to be a pretty crowded day in hell on Judgement day.
When I say shoved down my throat I mean when religion is being forced upon people, such as when they attack others who they do not even know out of the blue, it annoys me more when religious people do it because of how a person dresses, I don't mock them on the funny hat they are wearing so why should they get angry because of the skull on my chest - god damn I like the shirt I'm wearing I'm not trying to make a statement with it, hell at the moment I am wearing a space invaders shirt but its not like I'm saying "I want space aliens to attack" so a person with a skull on their chest doesn't mean they wish death upon others, but clearly to them it does. Christianity isn't the worst faith when it comes to this though, thankfully there are more level headed Christians in the world because as times have gone on they have had to put up with pop culture, but with more traditional faiths such as Orthodox Jews and Orthodox Muslim's who hold any one with disdain who do not cover up, I would say get with the times but admittedly some clothing people where today's is only a few fibres shy of being fully nude.
So when those trumpets sound and the angels come to collect the righteous I'd imagine pickings would be rather slime around the planet. do these preachers expect to get into the 'kingdom of heaven' damning all those around them to the fiery pits with pompous language and phrases they pulled from the bible. I'll be honest as a book the bible is rather boring, the plots all over the place and in the end SPOILER ALERT the main character dies with nothing really resolved, the world keeps spinning and the Romans keep pillaging the Jews. Along with this it suffers from the unfortunate symptom of 'sequel syndrome', where the sequel is never as good as its predecessor. people should not hold themselves so highly that they think they are in the right and that everyone should think that way, I'm not, have your opinions if you will, your stupid for doing so but I'm not going to burn you for it.
In the end, they are books, and books are meant to be read, as much as I like audio books I don't want to have someone shouting passages at me on the street! It would be like spoiling the ending to a great classic. Next time I think then I'll shout passages from 50 shades of grey back at them!
Whilst sitting in the canteen of my collage watching the local retards sing and dance their way past trying A. To keep a straight face and B. thinking that there is more then likely a better use of my time. I was not sitting alone but the person I was with was on the phone, still pondering what on earth I was still doing there a women makes a b-line towards me. thinking she was about to make a comment about not wearing my lanyard I prepared where I was going to tell her to stick It up her arse.
I couldn't have been more wrong though, she was the Chaplin of this college apparently and was just walking around, she then started up a conversation with me as I was "looking shattered and bored", despite a number of efforts to get rid of her she would not go and opened up a conversation on religion and preachers - As I said in my last blog about gays I don't care what people believe so long as they don't shove it down my throat. this pain in the arse women would not leave me alone, after telling her my name was Drake (because I couldn't think of any other name) she asks if it was after Sir Francis Drake - in hindsight I should have gone the whole Satan route maybe said my name was Adolf and that I hate the Jews too, but I digress. This women must have been there 30minutes yakking at me and I couldn't get rid of her even trying to get up and leave she wouldn't let me go "oh you must come see me and have another chat". Trololololol lady, not a chance.
Don't get me wrong I don't hate religion or people who have faith, one of my closest friends is heavily religious - which may sound like a cop out, but fuck you its not - My issue arises when Preachers on the street inform you that "THAT YOU ARE GOING TO HELL!" to near everyone that walks past or anyone who wants to have an argument about it, Peas and rice! I'd gladly go to hell if i didn't have to put up with you in my heaven. Why should I go to hell? I'm a nice enough person, sure I've had the odd vice and clearly watched way too much porn but does that condemn me to the very depths of hell? If it does then its going to be a pretty crowded day in hell on Judgement day.
When I say shoved down my throat I mean when religion is being forced upon people, such as when they attack others who they do not even know out of the blue, it annoys me more when religious people do it because of how a person dresses, I don't mock them on the funny hat they are wearing so why should they get angry because of the skull on my chest - god damn I like the shirt I'm wearing I'm not trying to make a statement with it, hell at the moment I am wearing a space invaders shirt but its not like I'm saying "I want space aliens to attack" so a person with a skull on their chest doesn't mean they wish death upon others, but clearly to them it does. Christianity isn't the worst faith when it comes to this though, thankfully there are more level headed Christians in the world because as times have gone on they have had to put up with pop culture, but with more traditional faiths such as Orthodox Jews and Orthodox Muslim's who hold any one with disdain who do not cover up, I would say get with the times but admittedly some clothing people where today's is only a few fibres shy of being fully nude.
So when those trumpets sound and the angels come to collect the righteous I'd imagine pickings would be rather slime around the planet. do these preachers expect to get into the 'kingdom of heaven' damning all those around them to the fiery pits with pompous language and phrases they pulled from the bible. I'll be honest as a book the bible is rather boring, the plots all over the place and in the end SPOILER ALERT the main character dies with nothing really resolved, the world keeps spinning and the Romans keep pillaging the Jews. Along with this it suffers from the unfortunate symptom of 'sequel syndrome', where the sequel is never as good as its predecessor. people should not hold themselves so highly that they think they are in the right and that everyone should think that way, I'm not, have your opinions if you will, your stupid for doing so but I'm not going to burn you for it.
In the end, they are books, and books are meant to be read, as much as I like audio books I don't want to have someone shouting passages at me on the street! It would be like spoiling the ending to a great classic. Next time I think then I'll shout passages from 50 shades of grey back at them!
Tuesday, 9 October 2012
I'M HERE AND QUEER - But don't YOU bring it up
I do not have an issue with homosexual people, however this is limited to the same respect that I don't have an issue with politics or religion (within reason the occasional genocide aside most are quiet nice). as i said this is limited though to something that can be boiled down to the following: "you can believe whatever you want, so long as you don't try and shove it down my throat", homosexuality much like religion - if you see religion as mostly catholic priests - the phrase 'shove down my throat' may cause a chuckle, but I call attention to it here to take away the humour from it. Gobble cock . Giggity
I have zero issue with homosexual people what's so ever. I keep repeating this so I don't get stabbed to death but also, using the word ' H O M O S E X U A L ' after referring to a lesbian as gay, they got rather shirt-y with me. stopping me every time I refereed to them as gay and corrected me hand out as "I'm a lesbian actually" or just mouthing 'lesbian' to the person I was speaking to. I GET IT. You have chosen upon a preferred sexual orientation, congrats, not to be big headed or anything but I was asserted with my sexuality for awhile now, but you don't see me having a parade about how straight I am.
It perplexed me and upon asking them later why they decided to correct me each time I got: "It is because I am a Lesbian and not gay". What? Apparently due to the increasing use of the word gay some homosexual people dislike being refereed to as gay. e.g. God that lesson was gay, gay of cause replacing: God that lesson was a fucking pain in the arse I wish I could brain the teacher. Therefore gay/lesbian people are refereed to in my mind as - Homosexual, as despite it being an extra few pain in the arse syllables to pronounce at least makes people happy. Seeing as I dislike censoring myself for other people, I like to think that I'm using it to be more accurate, Homo meaning 'same as' and Hetero meaning 'other than' and sexual meaning... Well I'm not a nuclear physicist but I'm pretty sure that means something to do with boning.
Tying these neat little strands together and making this rant worthy it pisses me off to equal degree of parents having pictures of their kids in your face, I hate people who define themselves as parents now and expect you to be amazed at the fact they managed to procreate the same way I hate homosexual people who define themselves by their sexuality. Granted parents have a better reason to say "I'm Mrs Blank and my son X Y Z'ed, I R a parent" but its still a pain in the arse, as if they expect you to hold them to a higher degree because they are parents and by extension trust worthy? You can have a offspring, hell 50 but that doesn't mean I'm going to trust you with anything having a kid doesn't make you instantly a saint, social services does exist for a reason. This is comparable to homosexual people who define themselves as gay, but disallow you from calling them gay (see what I did there with the title).
A great deal of homosexual people are obviously gay to the degree of being able to spot this down the street with ridicules stereotypical body language and speech patterns -I remember a news article about a burglar who was recognised due to his 'camp' method of walking! Therefore their is no need to define yourself as gay in conversation... Okay granted there are some that do not stick to stereotypes (in this term I mean the obviously gay stereotype not smoking hot gay stereotype) But they get even more angry then the less attractive stereotypes I'm sorry your an attractive person who just so happens to be gay, I think if a strange started flirting with me I'd find it a compliment, not fly off the handle bars axe in hand. I don't introduce myself as a white, middle class, straight man I'd like to think you can surmise this from me and my posh boy accent, life isn't a book needing each character dictated to the person in front of you.
But I digress... I could go further in saying that some homosexual people think they will be better parents then parents in a heterosexual relationship, but that is prejudice of its own accord. What makes you think you will be better parents or can give more love then a person in a heterosexual relationship. Don't bring statistics into this either ass hole (Donkey anus) much like the saying women are worse drivers then men, women are only worse drivers as there are more of them on the road, meaning likelihood of accidents increase, the number of homosexual parents to heterosexual parents is so low it is no wonder they are better parents as there is less of them to pad/mess up the percentage. This is a good thing, if the statistic ever switched in terms of numbers at least - meaning the number of heterosexual parentage is dwarfed by homosexual parentage - the world may not last for long, or you better damn well hope scientific technology leaps some more.
In closing I believe the homosexual community should Leave off the gay rights thing. You have enough now, up there with women's right and race rights its becoming increasingly tedious to be Mr Whittier-then-white-guy, for some of you there was a number of century's involving some slight but do you have to keep forcing it down peoples throats, not even religion is that bad, they have the preferred way of thinking to outsiders which is: you can either believe our way or fuck off and we'll see you roast in (insert version of hell here)!Long story short this is another example of hypocrisy gay people demand rights whilst damning those that don't want to help them or just don't care- as degenerates or homophobic, I'm not homophobic, I just couldn't give a damn who you bugger, so long as its not me.
Follow: https://twitter.com/Drake_Best
Thursday, 20 September 2012
Gaming is Satan!
Like I
said at the end of the last blog, violence in video games is often in the eye
of the media, after the 2011 Norway attacks carried out by Anders Behring
Breivikand 69 people were massacred, the reason why gaming was involved in this
is that this fool stated that he practiced using Call of Duty: modern warfare 2
"for training sessions". Twat. This caused uproar (again) that these
games are far too violent, blah, blah, self righteous kitten cuddling blah.
On the
other hand It is fair to say that some games are a little too violent,
manhunt for example is a game that has been banned in the UK - amongst
other countries - due to just how jaw droppingly violent it is, game play
includes decapitating your fellow man with tennis rackets where you get
more points depending on stealthy, violent or brutal kills and it shows
you how to do so in extensive detail. Yes, this is violent and if you get your
rocks of this way then you are undoubtedly already messed up in the head so
hardly a headline act, just another nutter who wants to kill others around them
and are undoubtedly one of the mad house retards the game is based upon. To which case it isn't the fault of games per say just that you've mental issues and should be sectioned.
Where
Breivikand (choosing the hardest part of his name to pronounce of cause) starts things off with being the exception to normal gamers and
flies off the deep end, the other example of this is the recent Batman film
massacre where, a fellow rocked up; masked and clad in black, hair painted red
and stated he was "The Joker" before tossing a gas canister into the
crowd (much like with the first seen in The Dark Knight) and opened fire upon
the crowd, he killed 12 and injured 58. Due to his young age the media decided,
it must be the result of video games and that he was a bit of a loner, but is
that ever blamed? Maybe he wouldn’t have gone bat shit if he actually had
friends? I would say the same for Breivikand but he was off the wall, Hitler
style crazy and there’s a difference between misunderstood and fucktarded.
Though I’m getting away from things here, and should
probably ground myself with some facts – maybe that would set me apart from any
other person getting annoyed that news papers, and columnists wait for a
massacre before latching onto it and blaming game developers and the general desensitisation
of society. If you’re reading this then I hope you are an intelligent person
who can read, preferably write and know the difference between reality and
VIDEO GAMES!
The hint is in the title of them, anyone who sees a 2x4 rammed down the throat of a clown suit wearing zombie and then decides that, that looks like a good idea you’ve clearly missed the plot that this is a game. The developers allow you to do it as you would in reality – I wouldn't mine into the centre of the planet or command an army into a war, firstly because I’m lazy, and second because I’m a pussy. Game creates escapism where you can do all these things but are returned to the normal, non pixel filled world at the end.
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| By no means my photo |
The hint is in the title of them, anyone who sees a 2x4 rammed down the throat of a clown suit wearing zombie and then decides that, that looks like a good idea you’ve clearly missed the plot that this is a game. The developers allow you to do it as you would in reality – I wouldn't mine into the centre of the planet or command an army into a war, firstly because I’m lazy, and second because I’m a pussy. Game creates escapism where you can do all these things but are returned to the normal, non pixel filled world at the end.
If I’m honest the real world is boring and in desperate
need of the occasional checkpoint or reload, games mostly have both of these
and are created for entertainment purposes (and in terms of sequels to make
more money). Much like where weapons of defence can be used for offense, things
created for entertainment can be used as “training” and/or rein acted –by morons
with the social skills of a squirrel, but apparently all gamers have the social skills of Squirrels and can be
brainwashed by violence at the drop of a hat, or acorn.
A few years ago when the latest GTA came out someone waiting for it stabbed someone who had the game already, shock and outrage ensued – what was often left out was that the person who got stabbed was being a cunt and mocking those who were still waiting in the line, the guy didn’t even steal the game off of him, just stabbed him because he was being a dickhead. Okay there’s a fine line that shouldn’t be crossed - although the guy most likely deserved a good hard thumb, stabbing was a little over the top.
A few years ago when the latest GTA came out someone waiting for it stabbed someone who had the game already, shock and outrage ensued – what was often left out was that the person who got stabbed was being a cunt and mocking those who were still waiting in the line, the guy didn’t even steal the game off of him, just stabbed him because he was being a dickhead. Okay there’s a fine line that shouldn’t be crossed - although the guy most likely deserved a good hard thumb, stabbing was a little over the top.
At the end of the day, when the zombie invasion
takes place, you are going to want the help of gamers who have spent hours
removing the head and destroying the brain, but much like adding a kitten and
blender together I'd question the guy rocking in the corner to maybe tone it back the laughing with glee a little.
Tuesday, 18 September 2012
Anger *Exclamation mark* (Lots of Swears)
Now this may or may not come as a shock to some but I'm not
an angry person - no seriously - stop choking upon your tea and/or mountain dew
(both major social markets now met, I can continue). Although I do enjoy
imagining the slow and painful destruction of half my enemies and the dubious
rape of the other half, but again I'm not an angry person, I might be sadistic
and boarder line psychotic, but that’s beside the point, as is that corpse in the corner and psychotic is
pronounced QWERKY.
Anyway anger is good, no really it is although watching my
inch shy of six foot, 16stone, built like a brick shit house father, going bat
shit at the latest football results is more on the line of being scary then what
I would call fun, but its better he go bat shit at that then take a very large
block of wood to the back of the heads of his co-workers. *deep breath* Although
I still wouldn't put it past the fellow, much like myself he sees the people
above him as cunts who would count themselves intelligent if they could spread
butter on bread, and those below him as trying to chop his heels off and use
his body for a ladder.
Anger is useful in that it helps express a number of
emotional and/or chemical changes in the body, such as seeing that twat who
cost you fifty on “a sure thing”, how do you respond? Well with anger of cause
the body burns with an amazing desire to do them harm or rather speak your
mind. Speaking your mind being the preferred choice as it can be slightly less
messy, unless they are an incestuous adulterer then by all means fill your rage
hose with such and soak away - In truth as far as emotions go anger is the most
useful it can protect oneself against being hurt by others, in creating walls
of rage where they are clearly wrong and a twat and you are God, meanwhile the
anger inside has almost no downside. No one has ever committed suicide due to
anger, after all they are more likely to yell at the top of their lungs that
you are a twat then self harm.
(On a side bar though finding an empty area of people and
yelling at the top of your lungs is very therapeutic, although hard to find said
empty areas of people. If you’re lucky they’ll come across you and think you a
crazy person and hurry away, if you’re not they’ll assume its rape and come
guns blazing – then things get really awkward)
If you ask me – I know you didn't but I’ve started so I’ll
damn well finish – there is nothing wrong with being angry, when faced with an
impossible opponent it is always best to get angry, although I don’t necessarily
mean physically unless the person is excreting cunt from the ear holes then by
all means go bat shit upon their arse, might I suggest the nearby pub stool, or
stick with nails in it. Expressing anger in say a non physically yet virtual
way is best in my mind - by this I mean picking up the most 18 blood filled
game, preferably zombie filled and clear out entire country worth’s of
populace, and you can be as entirely racist as you like towards white people as
is it me or are a lot of zombies white? I get how it must be hard to put the
appropriate amount of artwork into them that and with Usan Bolt as an example
you’d be lucky to chew on a black guy in a zombie apocalypse, but I'm encroaching on being told I'm being racist – again.
This is in direct contrast to the
media’s point of view that violent video games will teach young children how to
murder their fellow man, but seeing how this horse shit will be my next subject
matter I’ll leave it at that.
In the end though, these forms of expressing anger are far
better than the latter after all bringing down the walls with shouting is
better than plastering with blood.
Friday, 14 September 2012
You're Growing up son
With the ever impeding quarter life crisis approaching, I am beginning to look back on my life, and can safely say: That much like watching a "lets play" on any game, I would be screaming at the screen If the entirety of my life flashed before my eyes. Okay its a fair bet that it would be a short flash, but undoubtedly it would be boring - the thing is though - during these flash backs in films and books etc...They only highlight the seemingly important things that happened to them in their lives, surely the saying "I saw my whole life flash before my eyes" would be all 365 and a bit days multiplied over a however many number of years being shown to them. Much like the damned being read every sin they committed for all eternity (see Through a scanner darkly for that reference), you'd either be bored without end with the feeling of listening to the same tireless joke over and over again.
I know that this would be my case, specifically as in my own said flash back there would be this section - me writing out a blog that may or may not be uploaded and tagged around the internet, wondering if the future and hopefully, very, very old me will find this somewhat entertaining, if not, sorry future me but I cant believe you let *enter name here* kill you with *enter object here* in *some location*.
The other out come is that I would be content with the things that I have done in my life, though feeling slightly Jipped that my reward for such contentment is sitting through a crappy film. However I guess killing all those hookers adds up eventually.
The point of all this is watching the world develop around me in a flash is better then experiencing it, such as watching mobile phones move from wallet thickness, down to mere a sheet of glass with no buttons that every fellow and their dog owns, technology has leaped and increased in leaps and bounds all over the place, I used to have to punch out of work by manually writing in my hours and hide in the stock room, now I've a hand scanner that rates me on how far off it is from the original -for me my Lowest score = 99, and highest score = 24 ... evidently I have changed over the years much like the world around me.
The thing is though I don't particularly wish to grow up, Id much rather be that short haired, glasses wearing kid, riding the coat tails of the pokemon crazy - before they became banned due to 'Bullying' nonsense. In hindsight, I should have stuck to those glasses, lost the hair cut and kept the cards (this is where I'd be yelling at the computer screen of my life) lose the bloody hair! No you fool not a Bellsprout collection are you mad!? Timmy don't go down that dark alley ... wait, wrong script. I would say that I'm not proud of some of my choices in life, but only through hindsight can I see that these weren't good ideas, In truth they may not have been the best but have undoubtedly shaped me into the person before you. A 6 foot, blue eyed, brown haired, lanky self centered ass who one day dreams of world domination, But I know world domination wont happen at the tip of a spear, nor pen (especially with my hand writing).
So it falls upon working hard, earning a decent living and lording dominion over my own little world, I suppose that is one of the perks to being Ignorant and means that although for some the world is never enough I'm quiet content with a Cornetto sized flake.
As ever follow on twitter: https://twitter.com/Drake_Best
And share it to offers make suggestions etc...
I know that this would be my case, specifically as in my own said flash back there would be this section - me writing out a blog that may or may not be uploaded and tagged around the internet, wondering if the future and hopefully, very, very old me will find this somewhat entertaining, if not, sorry future me but I cant believe you let *enter name here* kill you with *enter object here* in *some location*.
The other out come is that I would be content with the things that I have done in my life, though feeling slightly Jipped that my reward for such contentment is sitting through a crappy film. However I guess killing all those hookers adds up eventually.
The point of all this is watching the world develop around me in a flash is better then experiencing it, such as watching mobile phones move from wallet thickness, down to mere a sheet of glass with no buttons that every fellow and their dog owns, technology has leaped and increased in leaps and bounds all over the place, I used to have to punch out of work by manually writing in my hours and hide in the stock room, now I've a hand scanner that rates me on how far off it is from the original -for me my Lowest score = 99, and highest score = 24 ... evidently I have changed over the years much like the world around me.
The thing is though I don't particularly wish to grow up, Id much rather be that short haired, glasses wearing kid, riding the coat tails of the pokemon crazy - before they became banned due to 'Bullying' nonsense. In hindsight, I should have stuck to those glasses, lost the hair cut and kept the cards (this is where I'd be yelling at the computer screen of my life) lose the bloody hair! No you fool not a Bellsprout collection are you mad!? Timmy don't go down that dark alley ... wait, wrong script. I would say that I'm not proud of some of my choices in life, but only through hindsight can I see that these weren't good ideas, In truth they may not have been the best but have undoubtedly shaped me into the person before you. A 6 foot, blue eyed, brown haired, lanky self centered ass who one day dreams of world domination, But I know world domination wont happen at the tip of a spear, nor pen (especially with my hand writing).
So it falls upon working hard, earning a decent living and lording dominion over my own little world, I suppose that is one of the perks to being Ignorant and means that although for some the world is never enough I'm quiet content with a Cornetto sized flake.
As ever follow on twitter: https://twitter.com/Drake_Best
And share it to offers make suggestions etc...
Tuesday, 4 September 2012
Several Shades of Wank - Chapter one?
After a battle of words regarding the latest literal band wagon and being as erotic sounding as a school boy reading out a stories in a playboy magazine. I thought as a College boy I must be able to do better, and receive claim and mass injections of cash!!!
Warning Below is 18 rated material and should not be read by anyone under that age. The writing is ham fisted and the erotic side is lacking some so much it makes Meat Spin seem more arousing... But now that you've looked up meat spin, you will be nauseous enough to find anything sexy *winky face*
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Several Shades of Wank - Chapter one?
Warning Below is 18 rated material and should not be read by anyone under that age. The writing is ham fisted and the erotic side is lacking some so much it makes Meat Spin seem more arousing... But now that you've looked up meat spin, you will be nauseous enough to find anything sexy *winky face*
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Several Shades of Wank - Chapter one?
Lady
Crow walked down her carpeted hallway, admiring all the paintings that
plastered the lavishly red walls. Lady Crow was not her real name, she had forgotten that years ago - along with her original hair colour, but that didn't matter either. She was 28, still beautiful and in charge of a successful pleasure house surrounded by class and high society. The rich and expensive the paintings of oceans, sunsets,
chaotic landscapes and portraits depicting increasingly erotic circumstance reminded her of her station as
she drew ever closer to her bedroom. The Lady was the owner of an erotic establishment nestled in the English country side, although the work was hard the power always enthralled her and made the effort all the more sweet, coming from nothing and having to survive on her intellect and beauty she had come a long way from corner streets of London.
Although the scars of London were all but healed the accent still cursed her, but tonight in her pleasure palace she was entertaining her best and favourite client: At the door he was Sir Doe, but within the four walls of her room he was merely John and they were Mr and Mrs Doe entwining their bodies more often than the sun rises, and tonight he promised her a surprise that she would never forget.
Although the scars of London were all but healed the accent still cursed her, but tonight in her pleasure palace she was entertaining her best and favourite client: At the door he was Sir Doe, but within the four walls of her room he was merely John and they were Mr and Mrs Doe entwining their bodies more often than the sun rises, and tonight he promised her a surprise that she would never forget.
Gentle
giggerling and rough voices came from either side of her, the stately home was
old and thick walled, but her girls knew how to make them sing. Though her
girls were younger and more agile than she was but she still commanded the attention of all of the patrons: Sweaty, wealthy men an woman all skipping out on husbands, wives and businesses trips just to indulge themselves in the pleasures of her house. Apple Court was an old stately home when it was first purchased by Mrs Doe, its secluded location made it perfect for her trade, in an area prestigious enough to attract the right customer and secluded enough to ensure no lenses pried. however in recent years times have been hard on the trade with restrictions being imposed and the illegality of it being a constant threat. Though it becomes less of a threat if you know the correct people in power and know what they enjoy; An influential oil Barron enjoys whips and canes, whilst the health minister enjoys being at the receiving end of such instruments, the two "hit it off" almost immediately and photographic protection was used of cause. This was unnecessary as the two now meet monthly and have offered a number of payments for the building's maintenance and Mrs Doe did enjoy any money savers.
Pausing before her door Mrs Doe looked upon the last portrait in her hallway was set apart from the rest and broke the chain of those before it; it showed the image of a man being shot by several men whilst holding an unpinned grenade. it was her favourite above all else.
"I'll pay back Double what is dealt on me" Mrs Doe said to the portrait as she entered her surprise.
Her room was dark and not a creature was stirring, except for her desires deep inside, Mrs Doe could smell Mr. Doe's scent on the air, an oak and lemon scent that moistened her lips, but her 'husband' was no where to be found. Only a note on the bedside table and underneath it a silk scarf was new. the note read: "My dearest Jane Doe, wear and wait. Love John. hmm.. that koi bastard", Jane lifted her red hair into a bun, and put on the soft silk scarf, covering her eyes and waited.
With one of her senses lost Jane became increasing enthralled by the scent of her lover, and the sounds around her. waiting for what seemed like an age Jane heard a door creak open and close softly.
"You took your time getting here" Jane stated impatiently,
There was no reply, only muffled foot steps moving closer, she was not bound yet Jane found it difficult to move only speak. "Well?"
He was in front of her now, so close that the warmth from his body seeped from him drawing her closer into his embrace, all sounds lost from the building, all she could hear was her heartbeat and breathing. A hungry mouth found her lips and an excited tongue did war inside her mouth.
Then, then he stepped back from her and shushed her moans of protest. Her lover was circling her now like a shark who has just tasted the scent of blood, he was behind her now and unzipped her dress, it fell effortlessly to the floor at her feet leaving Jane naked, blind, and feeling vulnerable. In moments of the dress hitting the floor her round breast was in his hand and kissing along her neck, he sort to tease her, being gentle upon her neck whilst squeezing her erect nipples between his fingers. her breathing was becoming shorter as a hand left a breast leaving it feeling lonely and run a warm hand down her body, passing down her stomach and over her thighs stroking over her underwear. the hand began to rub between her legs sending shudders through her body and making her moist.
She wanted him in her yet he would not move, her eyes still blind but she knew he was smiling relishing every moment, as he turned her and met her mouth once more. The touch of his fingers excited her further and he slowly put them down her pants and teased her lips, toying with them, moving from side to side and entering her slowly, but he was aroused now and she was picked up and moved to her bed, underwear removed in a flash, and his tongue was inside once more, but this time it was not her mouth that he strode in. his tongue sort only her clitoris, moving hungrily around seeking deeper and deeper as hands kept her body warm. Her body arched with each stroke of his hungry tongue and could do little to contain her moans, becoming louder and louder, she wanted in her now, her body yearned for him, legs turned to jelly at his touch and he was ready to she felt him leave her and felt the scarf being removed.
Before her was her man, John was breathing heavily, body wet from sweat and her juices, and he was hard she could see his erection twitching and calling to her as her body called to him. He turned her around rubbing his hands over her hoo-ha, parting her legs and using his hard penis to excite her further. finally he entered her and began to move back and forth entering a rhythm with her breathing, go deeper and further each time. The scarf came back, now around her neck and held from behind by her lover, it shortened her breath further but she was not scared it increased his grip on her and he entered hard now making her eyes roll and heart skip, the enjoyment was eye watering, her legs oozed her juices and his sweat entwined. There continued for what seemed like hours reaching a climax together Jane has not felt before, her back near split when she gasped the last of her passion out of her self and they collapsed on top of one another in a heap.
Their bodies still breathless and heaving John rolled her over to look into Jane's eyes, eyes of hazelnut met her, seeped in desire and lust. Time dripped past them as that lay amongst crumpled sheets and worn out springs. John was first to break the silence as her handed her the silk scarf.
"Put this somewhere safe my dear, for the next time" and he kissed her brow.
Jane rolled over him and reached for her bed side table, then John stopped her.
"No, somewhere better then that, we wouldn't want someone else using it would we"
His smile melted her and Jane nodded, slinking off the bed breasts bonding as she strode towards a painting on the wall, and moved it aside revealing her safe. It was an old thing but it was a bonus that came with the house so Jane could not complain and in this day and age you could never be too careful. Warm hands cupped her breasts before the open door, the touch of him made her eager once more. He lead her back to the bed. He left the safe door open.
Pausing before her door Mrs Doe looked upon the last portrait in her hallway was set apart from the rest and broke the chain of those before it; it showed the image of a man being shot by several men whilst holding an unpinned grenade. it was her favourite above all else.
"I'll pay back Double what is dealt on me" Mrs Doe said to the portrait as she entered her surprise.
Her room was dark and not a creature was stirring, except for her desires deep inside, Mrs Doe could smell Mr. Doe's scent on the air, an oak and lemon scent that moistened her lips, but her 'husband' was no where to be found. Only a note on the bedside table and underneath it a silk scarf was new. the note read: "My dearest Jane Doe, wear and wait. Love John. hmm.. that koi bastard", Jane lifted her red hair into a bun, and put on the soft silk scarf, covering her eyes and waited.
With one of her senses lost Jane became increasing enthralled by the scent of her lover, and the sounds around her. waiting for what seemed like an age Jane heard a door creak open and close softly.
"You took your time getting here" Jane stated impatiently,
There was no reply, only muffled foot steps moving closer, she was not bound yet Jane found it difficult to move only speak. "Well?"
He was in front of her now, so close that the warmth from his body seeped from him drawing her closer into his embrace, all sounds lost from the building, all she could hear was her heartbeat and breathing. A hungry mouth found her lips and an excited tongue did war inside her mouth.
Then, then he stepped back from her and shushed her moans of protest. Her lover was circling her now like a shark who has just tasted the scent of blood, he was behind her now and unzipped her dress, it fell effortlessly to the floor at her feet leaving Jane naked, blind, and feeling vulnerable. In moments of the dress hitting the floor her round breast was in his hand and kissing along her neck, he sort to tease her, being gentle upon her neck whilst squeezing her erect nipples between his fingers. her breathing was becoming shorter as a hand left a breast leaving it feeling lonely and run a warm hand down her body, passing down her stomach and over her thighs stroking over her underwear. the hand began to rub between her legs sending shudders through her body and making her moist.
She wanted him in her yet he would not move, her eyes still blind but she knew he was smiling relishing every moment, as he turned her and met her mouth once more. The touch of his fingers excited her further and he slowly put them down her pants and teased her lips, toying with them, moving from side to side and entering her slowly, but he was aroused now and she was picked up and moved to her bed, underwear removed in a flash, and his tongue was inside once more, but this time it was not her mouth that he strode in. his tongue sort only her clitoris, moving hungrily around seeking deeper and deeper as hands kept her body warm. Her body arched with each stroke of his hungry tongue and could do little to contain her moans, becoming louder and louder, she wanted in her now, her body yearned for him, legs turned to jelly at his touch and he was ready to she felt him leave her and felt the scarf being removed.
Before her was her man, John was breathing heavily, body wet from sweat and her juices, and he was hard she could see his erection twitching and calling to her as her body called to him. He turned her around rubbing his hands over her hoo-ha, parting her legs and using his hard penis to excite her further. finally he entered her and began to move back and forth entering a rhythm with her breathing, go deeper and further each time. The scarf came back, now around her neck and held from behind by her lover, it shortened her breath further but she was not scared it increased his grip on her and he entered hard now making her eyes roll and heart skip, the enjoyment was eye watering, her legs oozed her juices and his sweat entwined. There continued for what seemed like hours reaching a climax together Jane has not felt before, her back near split when she gasped the last of her passion out of her self and they collapsed on top of one another in a heap.
Their bodies still breathless and heaving John rolled her over to look into Jane's eyes, eyes of hazelnut met her, seeped in desire and lust. Time dripped past them as that lay amongst crumpled sheets and worn out springs. John was first to break the silence as her handed her the silk scarf.
"Put this somewhere safe my dear, for the next time" and he kissed her brow.
Jane rolled over him and reached for her bed side table, then John stopped her.
"No, somewhere better then that, we wouldn't want someone else using it would we"
His smile melted her and Jane nodded, slinking off the bed breasts bonding as she strode towards a painting on the wall, and moved it aside revealing her safe. It was an old thing but it was a bonus that came with the house so Jane could not complain and in this day and age you could never be too careful. Warm hands cupped her breasts before the open door, the touch of him made her eager once more. He lead her back to the bed. He left the safe door open.
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