I'm Allergic To Excerise

As seen in a previous post - http://subtlyignorant.blogspot.co.uk/2013/01/the-gym-journey.html
 You can see that I'm not the best when it comes to working out or going to the gym, with most of my attempts ending in being side tracked or wimping out - Being a quitter after all is a proud part of my nature.

However, I have discovered a piece of exercising equipment that is as lazy as I am. This of course is, the Dumbbell. Upon one of my more social occasions at a friends house I grew increasingly attached to his set of dumbbells. Now I like dumb bells, in my mind dumb bells are the laziest of all work out equipment, it only requires lifting your arm up and down repeatedly - and being a male I've had plenty of practice in that action.


I pictured myself, sitting in a chair, listening to a pod-cast, lifting a dumbbell in the background, when one arm got tired I'd switch and carry on listening. I wouldn't get as bored as jogging and it would be more effective then doing press ups... a few months past and I never did a thing. but on valentines day I went out and bought myself a set of dumbbells - no there is nothing sadder. the problem is that I miss judged how much 15kgs weighs (baby weight) and the 40 minute walk home was tiresome.



Feeling proud (yet tired) I constructed the weights into more manageable chunks and set to work. several "reps" later the difference was noticeable - and with a half term coming up I intended to catch up on some lost manly times... I would have had I not spent the last 2 weeks being severally Ill. Eating nothing different from the rest of my family and keeping away from the diseased people, the only explanation was all the exercise I did on the Monday.

14 days of illness for a now diminished return, so much so I  believe that I am weaker than I was before I started, what is this irony! Although this doesn't necessarily make me a target Mr. Mugger as I still carry a knife and Cracker I will cut you up. Hashtag: RelTalk. NoJK

My body clearly had a repulsive reaction to working out though, which is both depressing and annoying. So much so that I bitched and moaned about it on the internet.

Valentine's People

So I had planned to write a long post about my previous attempts love, especially seeing as what date it is (The 14th February), but it  was getting too long to type out and would be better received in  video post - mostly because sarcasm comes across better in verbal form and I'd like my legs intact.

This was annoying as it might mean that I missed another week - Oh noes - thankfully you arseholes have given me something to type about. This being talking about the peoples opinions of Valentine's day itself, especially in social media.

It might have come to your attention couple people that there are a lot of singles on the internet (yes, shockingly I am one of these single-tons, despite having a pussy in my lap at typing) and a lot of these single people are coming up with witty comments or moaning about being single, and hating couples. blah, blah.

I'm all for expressing ones distaste for seeing merry happy people being together whilst you suffer alone and cold with no one to hug and cuddle ... Sorry I was getting away with myself there. The point is this isn't very healthy, I saw the argument posed on one persons status that "the amount of time they used to construct that status. hating on happy people could have been used to stop being so miserable".

So there are two types of people it would now seem in the would: those that moan about V-day, and those that moan about people moaning about V-day - so just for the sake of being different I'm moaning about the whole bloody lot of them (Or...deep breathe... I'm moaning about the moaners that are moaning about people who moan about V-day.)

Everyone therefore is retarded. if you are single: stay in, have a drink, write a internet blog, read a book, go to a club meet a nice member of the opposite gender or watch porn. If your a couple go out, have a laugh, be together, get the fuck of social media though and spend time together. Or just have sex, because we all know that is the Jiz-st of V-day.

Or watch porn... Together.
Happy Valentine's Day

The Curtain Adventure of DIY Man

- I didn't do a post last Monday because I got food poisoning from a prawn salad another reason why salad can screw off. now that, that's out the way... (Edit... and then grew lazy so these will now be done on either Mondays or Thursdays - screw consistency) -

The other day, I was complaining (as par the norm) that as my room faces the rising sun, I get blinded and woken early each morning by the sun light penetrating my shitty curtains and sleep. Then after a few hours later a thicker curtain was dumped on my bed with the instructions of how to construct it left to me. Being the manly man that I am, I am of course skilled enough to remove the old curtain and put up the new one up all by myself, right?

And so begins the Adventures of DIY Man!

"This will be a simple job" thought DIY as he swaggered towards the task before him.

It would have been, had the centre bracket not been loose - so when I/he put the curtain up, the bracket was yanked from the wall and curtain rail fell off atop me I mean him...

"Well. Okay, that's a minor set back, but it could be worse" Mused DIY Man

These were half hearted words as in his haste to get the job done, DIY Man lacked his proper tools, besides one multi-tool. (below) but then again this was DIY Man, a simple set back like that wouldn't set him back right?

Multi-tool of Justice

Now DIY Man had to re-fix the bracket back to the wall, by removing the old Raw plug (items which spent the entirety of my childhood using as missiles), then he had to drill a deeper hole so that the new plug and screw would bite into the brick the curtains would be up. Raw plugs however turned out to be his kryptonite  as these plugs are meant to stay in the walls and lacking the proper tools DIY Man had to use all his manly strength and wrench multi-tool (above) to wrench it free. Ba-dum-tsh.

Raw plug / missile 

The smoke slowly cleared around the mighty DIY Man, in his hand was the dastardly raw plug, it was a grand success! Attached to that raw plug was brick work though, and wall paper... But that's fine as I R DIY man! And with his DIY, Manly powers everything was eventually fixed and he rested.

For we do not know what Manly DIY adventures he shall partake in next? So rejoice citizens as for every screw that needs pulling and hammer that needs hammering. DIY Man shall be there, With his multi-tool of justice!

DIY Man

https://twitter.com/Drake_Best